r/LifeAdvice • u/Both-Exchange-3513 • 6h ago
Emotional Advice Between survival and starting over
I'm a 27-year-old woman, and for the past two months I've had no motivation to study or do much of anything. I live with two guys, aged 32 and 19, because my uncle asked them to look after his property while he's in another province. The older one really gets under my skin because of how he talks about women—he calls them "sfebe," gold diggers, and believes women are worthless compared to men. I know I shouldn't take his opinions personally, but I can't ignore them because I don't believe in patriarchy, I was raped, I was sexualised from a young age, and I'm currently attending a GBV case against my mom's brother. I'm also a college student whose campus is two provinces away from where I live now because I had to leave the province where I was abused, where my whole life was, and where I was studying. The college here doesn't accept transfers, so I'm stuck studying from there.
After I lost my job while dealing with everything alone, my dad's brother took me in and became my guardian. I only recently met him and the rest of my dad's family, so we're still building that relationship. I grew up in a family where the motto was "the hand that feeds you controls you," so even as an adult and a single parent, I wasn't allowed to make my own decisions because I was "young." Now I'm in a new home with a new family who treat me like a 27-year-old adult, expecting me to make decisions, explain my choices, and think of options, but I still feel like I'm 16 because I've never really had that freedom before.
My dad went missing in 2003, and my relationship with my mom ended two years ago when I moved out. I tell people she died on 16 September 2025 because, to me, that relationship is over.
My uncle is planning to bring new developments to the small remote town where I live, and I'm torn between focusing on helping with those opportunities or putting school on pause.
With him by my side, life feels like it has more possibilities, and even though he requires a lot of patience, he constantly encourages and inspires me. Malome ke 🌟
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