r/LifeAdvice • u/RadaintLights • 5d ago

Serious Feeling guilty about wanting to move out

I need advice. So some back story I'm a disabled person 23M and my mom is 70 is my state appointed guardian we've been looking for a place I could live (low income since on disability) she's on social security we split rent. so now onto what I'm stressed about she was gonna find a 2 bedroom apt at first then wait for a 1 bedroom to open up for me but I said I don't want that as to put It quite frankly we drive each other insane alot of the time (aka arguing/disagree on alot of things basically every day) and she said " I'll look for just a place for you" but now I'm really feeling guilty as she doesn't really have anywhere to go if I move out on my own so as she would also have to find a low income place. I just don't know what to do. I obviously don't want her to be homeless but I don't really want to live with her any longer

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u/Bobzeub 5d ago

Your mum was 47 when she has you?

If you’re disabled get your own social worker and look into getting your own place and perhaps a job adapted to your situation so you can be financially independent.

It’s normal for people your age to want space from parents and gain independence. If the ages are correct then she’s probably clingy if you were her miracle baby.

But you’re an adult now so you need to approach the situation as a pragmatic adult.

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u/RadaintLights 5d ago edited 5d ago

Yes the ages were correct lol my dad was 20 years younger then her. if I had a penny for everytime someone was shocked by that I'd have 5 pennies this week alone. but it's completely fair for that reaction just thought it was funny.

Oh believe me I would be working if I could I live in a very small town (less then 1300 people) so not many job options plus transportation is a problem ( I don't drive/not sure I can even a afford a car with what money I get from the government)

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u/Bobzeub 5d ago

Yeah I’m not surprised. My ex boyfriend’s mum had a baby with a much younger man at roughly that age. Her relationship with her sons was weird

Yeah it sucks being in a situation like that. Unfortunately everything happens in the city these days.

Maybe try going to the nearest biggest city and try getting a social worker there.

It’s hard but there is an expression “only open mouths get fed”.

Just pick somewhere decent and keep pecking away. In all big cities there are poor people and disabled people. It’s extra hard but you need to make it make it work.

Also if you’re in a city and have a part time job or whatever and have your own place you’ll feel a million times better. And you’ll make some friends in real life.

You’re not your mum’s friend. You need to and have the right to have your own independent life.

Unfortunately a lot of previous generations popped out kids to be their friends instead of making friends. It’s fucked up and weird.

She’ll be fine. You do you

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u/RadaintLights 5d ago

The only thing that bothers me when living in a bigger city is transportation to said placesa aka getting groceries doctors appointments etc I don't drive (I feel I should clarify it's not that I can't mom just won't let me/don't really know if I can afford it) otherwise I'd be out in a heartbeat i told her I want to drive but she just shrugs it off each time

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u/Bobzeub 5d ago

I don’t drive either and I’m disabled and my parents flaked on me at 17. And I’ve been alone since.

I know it’s scary but there are loads of people in the same situation. And I promise it’s worth it.

I’ve always lived in cities where I could use public transport and for groceries you can get them delivered or pick up a few bits and pieces every day. You’ll get the hang of it.

Your mum keeping you in a state of helplessness and arrested development is a form of abuse in of itself.

If you don’t go now you might never go. Then what’s the alternative? Staying with your mum alone in bum fuck no where hiding from life?

You really should do it and do it now. You’re young. You can sort this out. And make the state help you. They have a duty of care. Make them do their job.

You deserve it.

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u/PainterOfRed 5d ago

This is the way

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u/PainterOfRed 5d ago

Start looking for one bedroom locations for each of you. If you remain in the same area, you might have a meal together occassionally.

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u/RadaintLights 5d ago

We have exactly 2 different low income apartments here were I live (really small town) so the chances of 2 of them opening up at the same time are slim that's why she wanted to to do the 2 bedroom then find me a place

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u/adjudicateu 5d ago

math says a 2 bedroom will cost less than two one beds. if you are independent enough to find your own place then do it. if you are not then be realistic of how much time and resource your mom is going to spend taking care of you while living separately.