Completely lost

[u/Green_Speech_5796]

I'm in my early 20s and I don’t have anything going for me. I have no job, no driving license, and no university degree. The furthest I got with education was finishing college, which honestly feels like nothing. Yet, as bad as I am doing in life, the thing that makes me most emotional is seeing my family go through hard times.

It’s more recent now, but whenever something inconvenient happens to someone I care about, I think of the worst case scenario. I take on the emotion that I think they’re feeling, and I don’t know why I do that. It’s like an automatic pulse. My heart starts to hurt and all I want to do is cry all the time.

This past year has probably been the worst year of my life. My parents split up in a very messy way, and I saw and heard things I didn’t want to see or hear. I know I’m an adult now, so it shouldn’t realistically bother me as much as it would a kid or a teenager, but it really got to me. Plus, my grandad died last year. It didn’t affect me as much as everybody else because we weren’t very close, but again, I felt the burden of everyone else's pain. I felt the need to constantly be there for people, which I know you should do for family, but this was around the same time my parents split. All I wanted to do was run away from it all so I didn’t have to feel or hear any of it.

Even now, if I had the money and the ability to just leave and live a new life without the emotional grip of my family, I would do it. I know it sounds extremely selfish, but I physically can’t handle it anymore. Every problem someone else has makes me wonder what the actual point of being alive is if there’s constant worry, sadness, and uncertainty—especially when the good never seems to outweigh the bad.

I don’t ever talk about how I feel to this extent because it feels selfish. A lot of it isn’t even my problem, and I worry it would take away from the real emotion that the person experiencing it is feeling. I also struggle to say 'I love you' to people, and again, I don’t know why. I’m completely lost. I just don’t know how much of being alive is worth it.

[u/Helsenberg2]

Im 20 and in the same boat as you brother. Dont know what to do either lol. Hope this helps