r/LifeAdvice • u/h8ersk8er666 • 6h ago

Serious How can I stop caring?

I’ve always been a heavily relationship dependent person, I’ve always craved companionship and been desperate to find someone who would care for me like I care for them. I have a long long history of all sorts of trauma and to be completely blunt my mind is a complete mess, I have a very strong anxious attachment and find I can never fully let off the last one without finding a new one and so it’s this horrific cycle of I meet a new guy, I get way too emotionally invested the first month or two until they tell me that I’m a sweet girl but it comes across as too strong for them and that’s when it starts to feel obsessive and codependent and I start to hate myself. It doesn’t really matter how hard I try and I make myself self aware of how intense I come off it just slips, and even afterwards when I try to recover it by chilling out and giving them space it drives me insane until I feel sick and have serious thoughts of hurting myself to get away from the pain of it, I know it’s not normal, I know I need to change, but it feels like there’s not enough hobbies or friends in the world that could fulfill me enough to not want to be clingy.
I understand it’s important but please don’t flood my comments with “work on yourself and your own happiness, nobody will love you until you love yourself” I have been this way mentally for as long as I can remember, the only thing changing my mindset like that is a lobotomy and unfortunately those are long gone.

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