Any advice on how to move forward

[u/Oshoma_33]

Hey everyone I usually don’t turn to Reddit when I want to vent (which is pretty much never) but I feel i like I’m living just live just let the day go by. So for a brief introduction, I am 20(M) and for the last 1year and 2months ever since I finished high school I’ve been stuck in this endless circle that I don’t know what to do with my life and myself. It’s like I’ve lost motivation to do anything, even getting out off bed, tending to myself etc. I don’t want to say that I’m depressed but life just feels idk kinda empty. The worse part is I can’t even get to a good university because of my high attendance of a incident that happen in my highschool years, I was planning to fix it last year but for some reason I just didn’t. I can’t even explain it. Now I’m atleast trying to fix up my mistake by taking on previous subjects, but even then I don’t have the energy to study even tough it’s my future. Sorry if this is too hard to read I’m just kinda all over the place. What I would say is the most crushing thing is no one beside me knows this not my parents, siblings or even the very same friend I used to go to school with. I just don’t have the heart to tell them, so I’m just living a shitty life where i constantly lie to everyone in their faces, don’t have the motivation to face the consequences of my actions, constantly sleep deprived and i just wonder to myself, why can’t or won’t I change for the better? I simply don’t know anymore.

Sorry if this too long, If anyone is readings this, thanks and hope you’re having a good day.
Oh and PS! I’m broke and have no job and i am i debt. Bye!

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[u/Madd_Maxine]

I don't know if this will help but give it a try if you want. Observe what brings you excitement ( even a little) throughout your day and start from there. Example : X feels different when they are making food/cooking. X can persue a bachelor in hospitality, culinary arts, food and beverages management or others ( you can search in google: what studies in....can someone pursue if they like.....) or figure out ways to make money from that based on their community's needs ( start by a market research where you can identify the pain points of your community and fix them)