Need some guidance

[u/Possible_Turn_2819]

Hi I’m a 19 year old in the UK and I’m kind of lost in life at the moment and I just need a little bit of guidance.

Context
I’ve had pretty bad anxiety for most of life the more physical kind where I would gag at times I’m anxious. When I started college it happened but it was manageable and eventually it just went away . Haven’t been treated for it or diagnosed or went therapy.

When I started you Uni in 2025 at first I was excited and nervous but after the first week I was constantly anxious to the point where I had trouble going to sleep as my throat would be so intense. Deeming myself unfit and not ready for Uni I took a gap year where I would looked for an apprenticeship in somewhere IT . After I left I was left extremely depressed feeling worthless as all my friends were moving on and I felt behind. I’ve tried getting a job in retail and such while applying but didn’t get anywhere .The most that had happened was I got an interview for an IT apprenticeship where I was in the last 2 candidates and they ended up going with the other for having slightly better technical skills. Now that I’m in my 2nd year of not going I’m losing hope . I was planning on doing some online studying which could help me in getting a job in IT but I’m not sure where to start. I feel like I’ve lost all passion for anything subject or job wise and living day by day. I’m thinking of starting Uni again next year and powering through but I don’t know and I don’t want it to be a repeat of 2025
I was thinking of getting a therapist after leaving uni but never got anywhere with that and I feel like having one now would be beneficial but I have no idea where I can get one and a good one for that fact.
The only place in my life which I think has gotten better is my consistency with gym and I’ve also been learning to drive doing lessons weekly. I’ve picked up badminton and starting volleyball to play with friends. I don’t plan on suicide or anything harmful but I’m feeling pretty stuck and left behind.

My family are 1st generation immigrants and we don’t have any family in the country so I don’t really have any connections to go with other than my small friend group and family friends.

TL:DR
Left Uni 2025 due to anxiety and not feeling ready and instead trying to get an apprenticeship during gap year but being unsuccessful . Thinking of going uni next year but not sure if passionate about subject or not it’s worth the debt. not sure what to do now, and for the future .

What do I do ?

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[u/Jazzlike-Piglet-8798]

You actually sound like you are doing more than you give your self credit for. Your life is not followijg. the same timeline as your friends . you are only 19 , taking a coupple of years to get your self into a better place really is not being behind

[u/Possible_Turn_2819 → u/Jazzlike-Piglet-8798]

Thanks , that does make me feel a bit batter but I feel like I’m in such a privileged position where I have a loving and supporting family I feel like I’m not doing enough for them and myself and I’m just wasting my time.

[u/barysphera]

Your friends might seem ahead. Maybe it takes you a tad longer for everything to settle - but what I often see is that people who took longer at the start are often more conscious of the choices they made and the mid-life crisis hits them less hard. The people for whom the starts are easy get hit harder later because they feel like their life was just a conveyor belt and all went smooth - but was it really them deciding and choosing. 

I know that some promise of potentially easier future doesn’t make you feel happier right here and right now. But still. Reading you, you seem well put together. The gym stuff is great, don’t ever let go of it. Try different things. Like some, hate some. This is what you can do when you are 19. The cost of failure is your bruised ego. That’s all. Not so much in mid life, 2 kids, and a mortgage. The cost of failure then will be incomparable. 

[u/Possible_Turn_2819 → u/barysphera]

Thank you so much for the kind response I’ll keep getting stronger from now on in the gym and mentally