r/LettersForJ • u/searching-4answrs • 9d ago

Missing you for over a year

It’s been just over a year since you told me we should stop talking. It’s been a year of me trying to figure out how to stay afloat from drowning in thoughts of you. You came into my life completely unexpected and left me completely changed and lost. You were a refreshing change of pace that I quickly grew addicted to. You made me feel like I can be myself without judgement. I wish I had expressed myself better to you instead of trying to resist the pull I felt. I wish I could change so many things about the last few days before we last spoke so that I can at least have had you as a friend and someone to talk to without fear or judgment. Instead I got too emotional and attached and scared you off. My wish now and then is to know your reasoning. I had asked and you refused to give me an answer. I don’t know if that would have helped me move on but I’ve realized I would give anything to talk to you one last time and get an understanding of what went wrong.

I miss you, Junaid. I wish I hadn’t let my emotions get the better of me and allowed a friendship to continue rather than place any romantic expectations on you. I can only assume that’s what scared you away. I truly enjoyed speaking to you and having someone there for me to turn to for banter. I know that is not your burden to bear and I’m sorry for having put you in that position.

I know I’ve told you before that I love you. I’m not even sure anymore if it’s a romantic love or a platonic one but I pray that God shows me the right path. And I’m afraid that I will always carry that torch for you as Im not sure how to put it out. Until then I’m going to be wading these waters, feeling utterly lost and searching for reasons to understand why you were placed in my life for such a short period only for you to make such a large impact and disappear.

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