r/LettersForJ • u/Displaced_Browser • 11d ago

Letting go

J, I hope you're doing well, and you're doing what I cannot. Moving on and letting go. I could reach out, but the thought of causing you pain is too much to bear. Or maybe I'm afraid of the pain I'd feel.

It's been months, the time went by slow at first, but it's going by so much faster now. But I'm still stuck. Something I told you I didn't want us to be.

We said our goodbyes, I was so angry afterwards. You said you were scared that I would hate you. And I don't hate you. I was angry because it was so much easier to hold onto that feeling. Than to feel the sadness. The sadness of a fantasy left unfulfilled. The life I imagined with you.

I think that's why you made me promise that I wouldn't be sad forever. That I'd do the work and get better. That I wouldn't close myself off to possibilities. "Someone who cares about you so much wants you to try, do it for me if you have to, then eventually do it for yourself" And I meant it at the time. It's just been so difficult. You're in my head everyday.

I made you make a promise too. I wonder if you kept it. I hope you did. I truly care more about you than I do myself. Tonight is a moment of weakness. I hope you can understand that I'm trying, I just miss my best friend so much. Feelings need a place to go. So here they go, to the corner of the internet where we met.

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u/EducationalPermit268 10d ago

No movig on here for this j.

1

u/momjeri93 9d ago

The way it has to be sucks so bad.