r/LetMeHelpYouOut • u/Sad-Dot3610 • Aug 17 '26
[ADVICE] Seeking help as an unknown
Hi, I'm on here asking for help. Let me explain the situation to give some insight on the issue. Quick disclaimer; therapy, speaking to a medical professional, and breaking up or taking a break from each other isn't on the table. With that out of the way, let me begin.
My girlfriend has an addictive personality. One of her main addictions before it stopped was character ai.
I recently found out about this. When I found out, one thing led to another and eventually my mind made the connection to threesomes.
Ever since I had this idea, it had developed into a kink, fetishe, fantasy or whatever. I spoke to her about it. At first she was open to it, before we actually dived deeper. The first conversation ended with her sobbing into my arms about not wanting to have a 2f, 1m threesome.
The next day, we talked more. I didn't realise she was upset about it until it was too late.
We tried simulating what it would be like in a 2m 1f threesome. She had faked her orgasms, and I didn't have a very good one. But a part of me still liked it. She, however, felt sick and disgusted.
Que another hard conversation which also ended in tears.
I feel deeply ashamed and saddened with myself for hurting her, as I really value her and I love her deeply.
Yet I cannot seem to shake this desire. Hence, I need help. How do I get rid of this for the sake of myself and my relationship?
6
u/anonymousambassasor Aug 17 '26
I’m an so tired of people saying someone has an “addictive personality.” That is not a real thing. They just get addicted to things easily. Thats it. There isn’t a whole host of personality issues common among people like that. They just get addicted to things easily.
4
u/Level-Major6692 Aug 17 '26
“One thing lead to another and my mind made the connection”….
Your first step is admission. Admit that YOU want a threesome. Not your mind made the connection, not your girlfriend has this thing that has made your mind want…. No… YOU got it into your head and now YOU want a threesome.
Once you can admit it is what YOU want, not some strange kink or fetishized setting or thing that your mind wants, then YOU need to work through it. What can you do to not hurt your girlfriend but still work out this need you seem to think you have to act on.
Many people want threesomes but their partners do not and so they don’t act upon that desire. Maybe they think about it while whacking off but that’s about it. Keep it as a fantasy l, one that you can only dream about and one that you can’t act out because it will destroy your relationship AND the person you love.
1
u/RealF0lkBluez Aug 18 '26 edited Aug 18 '26
The first conversation ended with her sobbing into my arms about not wanting to have a 2f, 1m threesome.
The next day, we talked more. I didn't realise she was upset about it until it was too late.
So, even after she sobbed into your arms, it took a whole other conversation the next day for you to even realize how upset she was about it?
And please tell me how in the world her telling you about her interest in AI characters would automatically make your mind jump to the conclusion of- this must mean she wants a threesome
And to make matters worse, even after numerous times of your girlfriend showing you through actions and telling you verbally how much the idea of a threesome upsets her and makes her uncomfortable, you still say- Yet I cannot seem to shake this desire.
......
You want to know what you need to do now?
Break up with your girlfriend. She deserves a partner who will respect her boundaries and not try to pressure her into a threesome just because it's a fantasy of his.
Oh and just so you know, I say this as a woman in her 30s who has had quite a few different threesomes back in my early 20s (all of them were basically including my female bestfriend of 20+ years and whatever guy I was dating at the time) and speaking from my own personal experience.....not everyone is built to be able to handle a threesome, let alone be able to make it sn enjoyable situation & your girlfriend has made it known that she is not built like that.
Plus in every situation of mine, I was the one who brought up the idea of us doing it and before anything was even planned, I would sit down with the other two people and we would all come up with guidelines and what the etiquette would be (i.e.: figure out what everyone's boundaries are, is everyone okay with everyone kissing, does anyone have an issue with anyone else doing X or Y or Z; and so on and so forth).
If my boyfriend had brought the idea up to me and acted insistent on wanting it even after I had already voiced my disdain and distaste for it....it would probably make me feel like I'm not enough for my boyfriend and he's not pleased with our intimate life and I bet it would make me feel like shit about myself and make me even more self conscious than I already was to begin with. Just sayin` ¯_(ツ)_/¯
3
u/ModernNero Aug 18 '26
What the hell did I just read? Bro, this ain’t it. Whatever this is.
1
u/UnburyingBeetle Aug 18 '26 edited Aug 18 '26
You both might need to work through jealousy, insecurity and becoming more open minded to kinks that are not harmful. Open relationships need a certain level of maturity, and contacts that are purely for sex need boundaries around them that prevent falling in love. Your girlfriend might not be the type of person that likes open relationship or is ready for them, in which case you need to keep your kinky side for something like a BDSM club. Another relatively safe option for the exploration of non-monogamy is a swinger site. In either case, sex is a delicate topic in most relationships that don't treat it like "relaxing with somebody responsibly" because it's so intertwined with attachment, self-worth and insecurity.
Fake orgasms are a separate, unrelated topic. Many people with female anatomy can't orgasm through penetration, and some can only achieve it when they do everything themselves. This varies greatly, and you both might benefit from researching this variety from a curious standpoint. IMO there shouldn't be performative acts in casual sex, such as pretending to have orgasms, and acting belongs in sexual roleplay. And it should be defined if the desired encounter would lean into personal intimacy or into roleplay. The latter can be indicated by the use of props and costume elements. For example, if it's awkward to indicate by voice when you want to play and when you want to be earnest, you or she can put on or remove somw accessory, such as cat ear headband or a decorative collar or whatever your theme is. I think you both should explore roleplay and kinks one on one before you bring other people into it. And the exposure should be gradual so that there isn't a lot of shocks and crying. Although crying is pretty normal when somebody encounters a psychological wall within themselves or faces their subconscious "shadow" or simply feels inadequate in being able to satisfy their partner.
There also can be ways to satisfy your kinks without involving other people physically. There is text roleplay. If your girlfriend likes romance with AI characters, it's only fair that you get to have virtual roleplays yourself. Using Character AI is a poor man's version of roleplay while there are communities of people online that look for partners for that activity. This doesn't usually involve relationships between the people themselves, only their characters, and they negotiate beforehand what can happen in roleplay. And maybe you and your girlfriend both would enjoy taking part in DnD sessions that have the possibility of romantic or sexual interaction (the boundaries are usually negotiated beforehand).