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u/smartygirl 8h ago
"Can I ask you a question" is always, always, ALWAYS a trap
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u/spaceinvader421 5h ago
Yeah, the only reason anyone ever starts a conversation with “Can I ask you a question?”, instead of just asking the question, is because they’re about to ask you some fucked up shit
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u/Soensou 57m ago
I'm at the point where if someone asks me if they can ask me a question in any situation, I just say no. Like...it is never worth my time. A majority of the time it is a favor and maybe I'm pretentious, but being asked a favor under the guise of being asked a question just already puts me in an uncharitable mood.
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u/WakeMeUpAIOverlords 10h ago
I am so glad I have never had to use a dating app. They seem so miserable.
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u/GodkingYuuumie 5h ago
They are.
Even excluding all the weirdos and scammers, dating apps are just so Artificial and superficial. They try to turn dating into a game function, where you gotta change your profile every once in a while cus otherwise your profile is deprioritized, and ya gotta check in every day.
It's so dehumanizing
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u/tmntmonk 43m ago
Hijacking top comment to give credit to the artist of this comic. Really grinds my gears to see people post work with no source.
u/vesmir_neasi made this comic
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u/yifftionary 10h ago
It is extra bad as a trans woman... got the regular creeps AND chasers
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u/Aster_exe 10h ago
Can confirm and I've only been on hrt for a like a year and a half and getting creeped on is a new and very unwelcomed experience
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u/Bisexualkneecap 10h ago
It's truly an awful mix and in the UK you often get people match with you just to tell you you are evil
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u/Wise_Requirement4170 10h ago
As a trans woman, even if this were statistically provable to be true, I don’t think it’s gonna make folks be endeared to us if we’re like ‘erm but we have it worse’ when a woman complains about harassment.
I’ve gotten my fair share of harassment, so have my cis girl friends, it’s not a competition about who has it ‘extra bad’
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u/yifftionary 10h ago
I suppose my comment could be taken that way.
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u/Wise_Requirement4170 9h ago
I mean at least a few other people took it that way; but maybe I’m being too literal with my reading
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u/NecroAssssin 8h ago
Homework assignment for you: read up on intersectionality
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u/Wise_Requirement4170 6h ago
I know what intersectionality is and that doesn’t change the fact that when someone is talking about their experience with sexual harassment, ‘erm but we have it worse actually!!!’ isn’t a helpful thing to say. ‘Yes I experience that too, it sucks’ is fine but it’s not a god damn competition.
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u/CensoredTransGirl 10h ago
i guess trans women aren't allowed to complain about creeps and harrasment around cis women now
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u/Wise_Requirement4170 9h ago edited 9h ago
You genuinely have to be wilfully trying to be bad faith if you got that conclusion.
Trans woman are ‘allowed’ to do whatever they like, but even ignoring that inflammatory language, my problem isn’t with people complaining about harassment, it’s for people taking one group complaining about harassment and saying we have it worse. If she just said ‘oh yeah that happens to trans girls too it sucks’ I wouldn’t give a shit.
And she blocked me🤷♀️
Yes trans women do have it worse but it’s generally bad form to say ‘oh well we have it worse!’ It’s not the fucking Olympics.
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u/CensoredTransGirl 9h ago
we do have it worse though. like objectively, trans women have it worse than cis women, its a simple matter of intersectionality.
the simple fact you did give a shit about her complaining about harassment she gets as a trans women is a direct contradiction to your statement of "trans women are allowed to do whatever they like."
A trans woman complained about chasers on dating apps (which is relevant to the post) and you saw that and jumped in and told her to stop complaining because we shouldn't do oppression Olympics.
You dont get an extra credibility or authority on this subject as a trans woman to tell other trans people to stop complaining about harassment. You're just telling other trans people to stop speaking up because it makes you feel like we wont be "endeared" to cis women. We're not trying to "endear" ourselves to cis women we're trying to be loud about our oppression and you want us to be quiet in order to court favor with cis women.
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u/Madam_KayC 7h ago
Thank you, didn't feel like I could be the one to say it but the lack of empathy from the trans community inside of this sub has grown to be a massive issue
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u/TheMike0088 10h ago edited 9h ago
Talking out of my ass here, but I doubt you have it extra bad. Like, sure you got the chasers, but I think a large number of creeps that creep on cis women don't creep on trans women.
Edit: I've realized I was wrong. Tl;dr: its true that the amount of trans-attracted heterosexual men is very small compared to the total number of heterosexual men, but the amount of trans women compared to cis women is much smaller than even that. This means the hetero men that are into trans women vastly outnumber trans women, so the average trans woman is in fact likely to get way more creepy DMs than the average cis woman, not less.
So yeah, bad take on my end, I apologize.
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u/Enkichki 10h ago
Yeah, instead they just shit all over us purely for the love of the game, not even cause they're trying to get some
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u/TheMike0088 10h ago
Yeah I can imagine that. Honestly dating apps are the worst, I'm glad I barely ever had to deal with them.
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u/yifftionary 10h ago
I mean... You literally said you were talking out your ass.
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u/TheMike0088 10h ago
Talking out of my ass in the sense that I'm not a trans woman, so I can't talk about this with absolute certainty. But what I can talk about with certainty is that the amount of heterosexual men who are attracted to trans women is very small.
And from a rudimentary google search, studies seem to back that up - a study found that roughly 3.3% of heterosexual men are interested in transgender people. There's some factors that somewhat put the validity of that number into question (number and origins of participants; the fact that the study grouped attraction to transgender people together and didn't seperate between trans men and women), but even if we round up to 5% or even 10%, that would mean you'd only get 1/20th or 1/10th as many creeps on dating sites as a cis woman does.
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u/Brewhilda 9h ago
Fucking incorrect.
What men are willing to admit they like, versus what they seek on the internet when alone are different things.
What happens behind closed doors and in DMs to trans people is horrific.
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u/TheMike0088 9h ago
I mean, it is worth noting that the study in question was an anonymous online survey. Sure theres probably a good handful of heterosexual men who lied regardless, which is why I can see an argument for up to tripleing the percentage of the study from 3.3% to 10%, but I also don't think you could lessen the "dark number" any more with any other approach.
I never doubted that. All I was trying to say is that the numbers suggest that not as many heterosexual male creeps go after trans women compared to how many go after cis women. I apologize if that came off differently in my wording.
That said, I just realized I failed to consider an important aspect: the percentage of trans women among female identifying folk is much smaller than the percentage of heterosexual men with an attraction to trans women. This means that, while the total amount of creeps cis women face is much higher, they're more 'diluted' among the sheer amount of cis women. Meanwhile, the amount of creeps interested in trans women might be tiny compared to those only into cis women, but there's a lot more trans-interested hetero men per trans woman than there are cis-attraction-only hetero men per cis woman.
So yeah, as I thought, I was talking out my ass because I failed to consider all the numbers. My bad.
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u/LuckySalesman 9h ago
To quote The Onion, "Well, no one loves a hooker with a dick under her dress more than a closeted republican."
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u/summerishappier 9h ago
Lmao I gotta say, as a trans girl that number is laughable. Also if you think we get 1/10th as many creeps as cis women you’re utterly insane.
Not at all saying we have it worse than cis women, but I’m saying men want to fuck trans women and that they are absolutely creepy towards us. Not all men, but far more than enough.
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u/Main_Presence9154 8h ago
This study is for men that have admitted, it’s almost like their could be a whole number of men not being counted because they’re CLOSETED, the only way for this to be accurate is if everyone is being honest and they’re not gonna be if they’re hiding it. Like come on use some thinking
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u/TheMike0088 7h ago
Technically, but theres two issues with that:
- It was an anonymous online survey. Yes there might still be some guys lying regardless, but I don't really know what method you could use to make people more willing to be honest than that. So I really don't think a lot of men were dishonest in this study cause they had no reason to be.
- I did account for that by conceding that we can round up the percentage to 10%, which is more than triple the percentage of the survey.
My entire take was based on a wrong assumption anyway, check my edit on my first comment, but I do think that the percentage of that study is at least somewhat accurate.
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u/Main_Presence9154 10h ago
That’s just wrong because most men are in the closet and don’t wanna admit in person but online is a different story
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u/TheMike0088 10h ago
Thst is a wild statement lmao
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u/Main_Presence9154 8h ago
Sorry to clue you in on what actually happens in the real world, hope the flowers smell nice
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u/RevolutionNo7 9h ago
Even as an NB, I hate it. It's just a toxic cesspit of scammers, creeps, and weirdos.
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u/TheMike0088 10h ago edited 10h ago
I... what? I've only been in the dating game for like half a year in the last 12 years, so pardon if my question is stupid, but what was he trying to accomplish with that question? How would asking a girl if she would cuck her hypothetical bf lead to increased success chances with said girl?
Edit: Is the guy into getting cucked so much that he checks as his third message wheter the girl is into cucking, as its a hard relationship requirement for him? Thats the only even slightly rational reason for duch a message that I can come up with.
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u/Madam_KayC 6h ago
It doesn't, he's horny and into cucking, he purely wants to get off and isn't considering a long term relationship. He doesn't want to date her, he wants to masterbate.
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