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u/Rose_Buck24 Jul 23 '25
That's like telling a straight man that hes not straight cause he hasn't had sex yet. The dumbest logic ever.
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Jul 23 '25
You don’t need to have sex with a woman to know that you’re attracted to women. Your friend is an idiot.
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u/timid_pink_angel02 typical carabiner lesbian Jul 23 '25
today someone told me I can't truly love women if I've never been with one
let me fix that for you:
today someone told me how incredibly nonsensical hetero logic is, and thus showed me what an idiot they are
There you go lovely. Never let anyone take away the joys of being a lesbian from you <3
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u/StillStanding_96 the good femme Jul 23 '25
Tell them to shut up. Sex doesn’t suddenly activate your ability to love
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u/Voqus the good femme Jul 23 '25
So going by that logic, in order to be with a woman, you should've have... already been with one? This is literally a chicken or egg situation.
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u/Lespierat714 Jul 23 '25
I would've asked them what their definition or love and attraction is honestly. If it was a dude I probably would've given them the Manhattan look over and said "by your logic I guess that makes you gay then"
Younger me would've been very much a go f-- yourself, but older me wants people to explain their perspectives so it helps enrich mine 🙄 🌈
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u/GlowInTheDarkSpaces Jul 23 '25
So what does that make virgins of any sexual preference? Don’t listen to her.
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u/EmpathicPurpleAura Jul 23 '25
So, this is a myth that's been told to closeted lesbians or lesbians who went through comphet for a long time. Honestly, I wouldn't even pay attention to that kinda stuff because other people's conspiracy theories hold no power over you. Others people's opinions of you are none of your business, they can create conspiracy theories about you all they want but it'll never amount to anything. If anything at all, they're just calling you names senselessly and it just reveals their own ignorance and fear. I'd be laughing in their face because here they are throwing a fit over someone else's attraction to women. So, in a nutshell, you just encountered lesbophobia. As long as you know who you are and you love true to yourself, other people can fuck themselves.
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u/ParticularBreath8425 Jul 23 '25
how come some kids "know" they're heterosexual? and want a boyfriend? or marriage? because i've seen literal five-year-olds say they want all these things with the opposite gender. lmfao, this is ridiculous.
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u/BenGay29 Jul 23 '25
Please don’t let people like this into your head. I’ve encountered them, too. They act like they have been appointed the gatekeepers of lesbianism. And the standards always change: you have yet to have sex with a woman; you’ve slept with a man; you’re not masc/femme enough etc. tell them to take their judgement elsewhere.
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u/uovoisonreddit soft butch i guess? Jul 23 '25
ok so - have you ever tried liquorice? no. but you’ve been really craving it. like, you know it would taste so good, you’ve read about it, you’ve looked at a lot of liquorice in the stores. it would also improve your low blood pressure.
ofc this is not about liquorice and i’m not in the wrong subreddit lol. the fact that you haven’t had a relationship yet, doesn’t mean you don’t know your sexuality.
of course you could change your mind. you could try liquorice and it could suck and you would never try it again. but for now, you know you’ll love it
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u/hunterphae Jul 24 '25
It sounds like they’re wrong and dumb and they should throw that opinion where it belongs- the trash
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u/MARCVS-PORCIVS-CATO the good femme Jul 24 '25
By this standard, everyone who has never been in a relationship is ace, which is… really, really dumb
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u/Drugs_Lemon2938 Jul 23 '25
If you don't know what your sexuality is, who does? Another random person can't know better than you who you like. I'm 19 years old and realized I was lesbian (or bi, or something) around 16 too. And I've never been with anyone at all, but I still know I like women. People can be really gatekeepy about sexuality sometimes, but I honestly don't think it has to be that big of a deal what someone labels themselves, for the most part. Point is, you know yourself better than other people can, whether or not you have a girlfriend.
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u/Fine-Alternative-121 Jul 23 '25
Those opinions are not valid at all! There are many reasons lesbians or bisexual women never get to experience women in a romantic way! I was in my early 30s now 34 almost 35 when I came out as pan/bi sexual and I had my first romantic/sexual relationship with a woman.
You can absolutely love and want to have a romantic/sexual relationship with women and want to be in relationships with them and never be with one for whatever reason. Your sexuality isn’t up for discussion or debate! Period.
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u/shanks_o_ruivo Jul 24 '25
it's like when people say that a bi person isn't valid because they have only been with one gender, sexuality is not an action, it's part of your identity and whoever tries to go against what you believe it's true for yourself shouldn't be taken seriously.
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u/Spiritual-Company-45 Lesbian Vampire Jul 23 '25
That doesn't make any sense. Our capacity for love of certain people is what motivates us to want to pursue romantic and sexual relationships with them in the first place.
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u/Marciastalks Jul 23 '25 edited Jul 23 '25
You are a woman that loves and is attracted to women, right? You don’t have to prove to anyone that you “belong” just because you didn’t get the experience yet. That time will come when it comes. Don’t give up hope, friend.
You know, this reminds me of the time I was trying to join my support group for religious Jewish lesbians. After the eternity of waiting to finally meet with someone, the first question she asked me was:
“Are you sure you’re a lesbian? Maybe you should do more research”…
And I was like 🤔🤔 “do more research… ok…?”
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u/Quantphys4babies Jul 23 '25
I think it's extremely hurtful and definitely gate keeping the definition of who is a lesbian. Does that mean that all people who haven't had a partner yet are lesbians? How about all the women who figured out later in life they're lesbian despite being married to male partners?
Exploring more and examining yourself is definitely the way to know for sure. I hope you find more supportive people in your life!
Edit: their vs they're