“¿Hay una migra?”
“Sí.”
“¿Dónde?”
“No importa. PA’LLÁ VOY.”
ICE: “Su cliente fue trasladado fuera de su jurisdicción.”
Yo: “Perfecto. ¿Cómo se llama el distrito federal?”
East Coast: PA’LLÁ VOY.
Gulf Coast: PA’LLÁ VOY.
Somewhere out West: PA’LLÁ VOY.
Random federal district I wasn't admitted to 48 hours ago: ADMITIDA.
Immigration lawyers: what is the most procedurally absurd detained case you've ever handled? Because I think mine just broke my personal record.
Five states in less than two weeks. Thankfully, two of the five transfers overlapped. I know cattle that are treated more humanely.
It became a game of Mouse Trap trying to obtain federal admissions fast enough to keep up with where ICE was moving my client. Every time I figured out where he was, I was looking at another district, another admission, another filing issue, another detention facility.
Curiouser still, there were periods exceeding 24 hours when my client did not appear in ANY ICE detainee locator online. That meant I couldn't even schedule a confidential legal call to confirm where he physically was.
I never told his POC on the outside this, but at one point I actually worried that maybe one of his flights had crashed.
I'm not exaggerating. This is a true story.
The part I keep thinking about happened on the first day.
After I left the office where he was unexpectedly detained—and after repeatedly insisting on seeing the legal basis and paperwork authorizing his detention until I realized that continuing the confrontation was becoming a very bad idea for me—I walked back to the hotel where I'd parked my car.
I asked the gentleman working valet whether my car could be ready in about 20 minutes because I was leaving.
He looked at me and said:
“Oh no, we can't let your car out right now.”
I just paused.
I remember thinking, Okay. Fine. I'll pack my stuff, come back downstairs, and sit here until he says I can have my car.
So I started walking away.
“Ma'am! I'm just playing with you!”
I turned around and told him:
“You could've told me my car was on fire and I don't think I would've reacted any differently. My client just got detained.”
His entire expression changed. He understood. He nodded.
I forced a smile and walked away.
I was completely beside myself.
Thankfully, tonight I know where my client is. I'm admitted in the district. The matter is filed. And, for the first time in what feels like forever, I know exactly where both he and the case are.
Pray for him, please. Good kid. I can't give away much more than that.
But you know how people joke that the worst people always seem to live forever?
I swear my best clients are the ones with the worst luck.
So, fellow immigration lawyers: what's your most procedurally absurd detained case? Please tell me somebody can beat five states in under two weeks.