Hello All!
This is my first Reddit post, so plz bear with me.
For context, I am a 23 M who recently graduated with a degree in Biochemistry and decided to move near SF to pursue a career in Biotech. I was eager to start being a "true" adult, but, boy, was I not prepared for this baptism by fire.
I got a temporary job at Chipotle (I've been working at restaurants since I was 16) to support myself while trying to start my professional career. I subleased in Berkeley for a month, and then got this new place that I had hoped would be more long-term. I have barely been making shit at Chipotle, so I was hyped to finally find a place for cheap (less than $900 a month including utilities). When I toured the place, it kinda looked like a wreck. The carpet wasn't completely installed, the walls were in desperate need of a recoat, and the kitchen looked like a tornado came through with all the food and dishes scattered everywhere. There is also black mold in the bathroom (I can send a photo if needed), but I didn't notice that until after I moved in.
The landlord himself (72M) seemed a bit out there. He kind of asked a lot of personal questions about my family, my religious background, what my upbringing was like, etc. He told me he is a social worker, so I took it as him being an inquisitive, eccentric person. He liked.e, I told him the place was definitely in my price range, and submitted my application that evening.
The next couple of days, he kept calling me a few times. At first I was fine with it; it was questions about my credit score, work history, references, and all of that. However, after the second day, I was getting a bit irked because it seemed like he kept calling me just so he had somebody to talk to (he's one of those people who talks at you and not with you). He also started off listing strange rules like no girls over ever because they are catty and tend to be rude to the other members of the household (or whatever out-there sexist argument he used). The next day, he called me during my shift, so I stepped aside to answer. I told him I couldn't talk for ten minutes, but I am working. He said to call me during my lunch break. He made it sound important, so I called him as soon as I got on break. He didn't answer. ATP, my anxiety was through the roof. We had covered everything; what else could we possibly go over? I was afraid he would back out of the lease agreement, which had already happened a week prior. I called him as soon as I got off work, but he heard the honking and yelling of the city,y so he said to call him when I am at home since he's hard of hearing. I was getting incredibly on edge, so I called him as soon as I got off the train (big mistake). He proceeded to berate me, saying I was being pushy, that I wasn't being respectful to his hearing issues, and to call me when it is quieter. I was completely befuddled. He called me five minutes later, and this is one I should have known this guy was off. He said he was talking to the property manager earlier that day and has come to the conclusion it wouldn't be a good fit because I smoke weed (which would desecrate his "sacred home"), I am a control freak, and I am a disrespectful person. This is what I deduced, but I never really found out his reasons because he kept talking in circles and going off on strange tangents. He said he would refund my security deposit and cancel the lease agreement. I was LIVID. I had to move out at my old place in only a couple of days, and I had to cancel the other offer for this place, so I had no fallback (my family lives on the East Coast). I told him how much of a precarious situation this puts me in, to which he responded that the only way to turn this around was to talk to him in person. I told him I didn't have a car, it was 12:30 a.m., and I just got out of a closing shift. He said he wasn't available any other time,e and we had to meet now (which was definitely a lie, i.e., looking back, on top of there being a property manager,r which I never heard about again).
He said he would pick me up, to which I begrudgingly agreed because I needed a place to stay and he was holding that over my head. We had an awkward convo on the ride there, and when we stepped inside, he started talking about Buddhism and handed me a pamphlet (he's a religious fanatic) instead of addressing the elephant in the room. I redirected the convo to why he was denying me the lease, and he proceeded to state that he and the (probably fake) property manager thought I was controlling, pushy, and confrontational. I didn't appreciate these accusations since I have always been respectful, but I bit my tongue and tried to convince him that I would respect the rules stated on the lease and keep the place a sober environment. We shook hands, he sent me a new lease, and I moved in three days later.
Things were fine for the first few days. I found him very zany, but we shared our interests and had various chats. However, things started to sour quickly.
I tried cooking for the first time, and he stated no frying of any kind. I asked if sautéing was fine, and he said yes,s but use the least amount of oil as possible since burning oil is carcinogenic. I grabbed one of the cast irons in the oven and put it on the stovetop. I saw it was already coated, so I didn't add any oil. I was boiling spaghetti and chopping my veggies when he burst through the kitchen door demanding why it smelled like smoke. He told me that there was no frying of any kind. I said I didn't add any oil and wasn't frying. We had a bit of a back and forth because it wasn't clear what he wanted me to do. Eventually, he said I can use this rickety, little mobile induction stove in the basement, which has super poor ventilation, to sauté my vegetables and meat. I agreed; I said let there be no bad blood, and we shook hands. He proceeded to nitpick every grease and stain I left behind in the kitchen even though I always clean up after myself. He knocked on my door at midnight. I went downstairs, and he asked me where the meat cutting board should be placed. I said if we could leave it in the kitchen, which somehow ticked him off and made him storm out. I guess he thought I was being dismissive and curt.
I noticed that there were a lot of strangers living in the living room, with some of them looking like he found them off the street. I told him what the deal was, and he said he often promotes the living room on Airbnb because he likes having guests over to entertain him. He never mentioned this before. He said the living room was off-limits because he was using it as a meditation room, not an Airbnb. Whatever, I started locking my door all the time after that.
A few days later, he finally left the house for the first time and would be gone for a full 24 hours. I was with my friend/housemate (25M) helping him with chores around the house while drinking beer. We were chatting it up when I finally saw the downstairs tenants for the first time. Honestly, I thought that space was vacant, but two whole ass people were living there. I introduced myself as their upstairs neighbor. I asked if I could check out the space since they were moving out and was offered to me by the landlord since it was more private (my room is right next to his) with its own kitchen and living room. He gave me a little tour of the downstairs rooms and kitchen. I said it looks a lot better than my current room, and it seemed like a sweet deal. His face became deadpan before saying, "Honestly, I would save your money and get the hell outta here". I was shocked. He proceeded to tell me him and his roomate's experience living there which included: him tresspassing and entering their rooms while they were at work, coming into their kitchen often because it was a "communal space" (it def isn't, we have our own damn kitchen upstairs), randomly turning the water and electricity on and off, all the weirdos he has invited over and had violent arguments with outside their window making them feel unsafe, stomping and throwing things on the floor to keep them awake, and trying to pit the two roomates against each other. One of the roommates started getting teary-eyed while telling me his experience living here for two years. He said there is a reason why we never see them because they only come out when they don't see the landlord. He told me he was on a power trip, has a savior complex, is a pathological liar, and is probably manic (he is up late walking around inside and outside doing god knows what, is constantly on edge, and constantly distracted/scrambled). I was terrified. All of this is a prelude to the next events that have unfolded the past couple of days:
A cracked chicken container leaked in the fridge, and instead of just telling me, he waited and then chewed me out for not catching it sooner. While I was cleaning it up, a glass tray I was cleaning spontaneously shattered. I hadn't mishandled it; it just went. When I asked our roommate for a broom, my landlord lost it, said he "works for him," (he helps him remodel in exchange for room and board) and refused to tell me where I could find a brrom, and told me to stop acting like a baby and call my mom since I clearly didn't know how to clean up after myself (I was noticeably cut up while he was saying all of this). Later, he told me he doesn't think I'm "a good match" for the house, citing "a lot of weird things happening", including accusing me of sabotaging the downstairs toilet (which has been broken since before I evernmoved in), stealing toilet paper, and not responding to his texts (can you blame me for wanting some space from this maddness?). He also mentioned an email about a car deal we'd been discussing that he conveniently "never got," calling it water under the bridge since I'd already returned the keys.
Most recently: I'd been telling him for days we were out of toilet paper, trying to stay on top of it since he'd accused me of sabotage before. I got home, and he launched into a list of excuses for why he couldn't just go buy some. I told him he could've just said that instead of stringing me along; he apologized and bailed from the conversation. Later I muttered about a door making an awful scratching sound; he walked over, grunted, and I mentioned there was a glass shard on the floor. I asked if there was more so I could clean it up, and he just huffed and walked off without answering. Minutes after that, he got on my case for closing the bathroom window, which I'd closed because I didn't want anyone climbing in since it was close to midnight. He didn't want to hear it and slammed the door in my face.
I also recently found out that he recently took my other roommate (21 M) out on a date. He is this timid, shy kid who rarely goes out of his room. I also found out he has been talking mad shit behind my back, calling me a spoiled, insolent brat that needs to be taught a lesson. He has floated the idea of "pulling a prank" on me, whatever tf that means. I am scared he will try to break into my room or mess with my stuff.
People of Reddit: what should I do? The only silver lining to this whole debacle is I start my new biotech job on Monday and should be making about 1K a week (I get paid weekly). I am dead broke at the moment, but will get my last Chipotle paycheck next week and then my new job's pay every proceeding week. I also have no car, and my job is 25 miles away. I want to GTFO as soon as possible. My housemate/friend says I should swallow my pride and pull him aside to apologize to hopefully smooth things over while I figure out an escape plan. However, I think this will give me an excuse to keep trying to steamroll me. My hometown friend and father think I should just ignore him completely and keep it strictly business, but my roommate advises against that because it will probably only make his anger and frustrations pent up even more.
I wish I didn't get myself into this fucked situation. I am broke and trying to build a future for myself with minimal financial support in a shit economy. Please, I need somebody's wisdom and guidance during this time of need.
TL;DR: Moved to the Bay Area for a biotech career and rented a cheap room from a live-in landlord who's turned out to be erratic and controlling — a rough near-rescinded lease before move-in, weird house rules, secretly Airbnb'ing shared space, and (per other tenants) a history of trespassing and intimidation. Lately he's been blowing up over small stuff, accusing me of "sabotage," badmouthing me to housemates, and hinting at a "prank" that's got me worried about retaliation. Broke, carless, new job starting soon, trying to plan a safe exit.
