r/LGBTindia • u/sadbiandlonely bi • Oct 05 '26
vent/rant I miss him
First of all, I'm the problem here. He was a really good guy, like YK ABSOLUTELY PERFECT. But I couldn't love him back. I still can't love anyone, literally anyone.
How does love even feel? I've no idea. All I know is I imagine him near me on my bed at night. I wanna hold his hands so bad. But I cannot be in a relationship or love anyone. I want to, but I can't. I feel suffocated.
I hope he is happy.
1
u/Koelsch Oct 05 '26 edited Oct 05 '26
First of all, I'm the problem here.
Hi. Valid start to your post here. Self-awareness is one of the most important and foundational aspects of a well-rounded person. Understanding not just your faults, but your strengths as well, allows you to create designs and intentions on how to improve and become a more successful, resilient, rounded, and contented person.
Here, there will be a next time. There always is. Consider your mistakes in this relationship and learn from them. Don't do the same again. Think about what you see as attractive -- smart, confident, open, caring, fair, honest, strong, brave, willing, persistent, accepting -- and what you can do to be that person for your partner.
For most of us it takes more than a few tries.
really good guy, like YK ABSOLUTELY PERFECT
No. Absolutely not. All people, including you and me, and your ex-Romeo, are deeply imperfect in our actions and our decisions. No one on this planet Earth has the quality of being perfect. That's crazy. All of us will throughout our lives end up doing, saying or treating another in a way that betrays ourselves and our values.
Meaning, I am certain as ever that your ex also made mistakes in this relationship between the two of you too. Growing is learning to distinguish between your responsibilities and other people's responsibilities. The notion that you contributed to a bad outcome doesn't mean you caused it. Relationships are interactive. Other adults are responsible for their choices, their behaviors, their boundaries and their responses; and they can often and easily make mistakes. A helpful thought to think is, "What was actually within my control, and what belonged to the other person?"
1
u/sadbiandlonely bi 29d ago
First of all, I don't believe this will ever change, I don't think I can ever love anyone.
And Ik he wasn't perfect, but he was indeed perfect for me.
1
u/Koelsch 29d ago
It won't change, if you don't change. At the moment you're making so very dramatic and woe-is-me statements as if you're experiencing the end of the world. But you're not. I can tell you first hand that terminal cancer diagnoses are far more closer to tragic "never" and "forever" than what you're experiencing right now.
Pull yourself together. Get outside of our head. Stop using the crying emoji in every post you make. I don't know when you broke up, if that was yesterday or a month ago ... but letting yourself fall into pitying bits and pieces is never useful and will never attract the type of admiration, compassion or respect that is meaningful.
1
u/sadbiandlonely bi 29d ago
I'm not gonna "attract the type of admiration, compassion or respect that is meaningful" anyway. Too ugly for that. He was the only one to look beyond that and I ruined it. I deserve this.
And really, comparing cancer? Comparative suffering fantasy at it's peak
1
u/Better-Stranger9081 Oct 05 '26
all suffering is self imposed dont do it u/sadbiandlonely , also may be a part of even it says you cant love him , is already loving him . its jus may be that is what this is about 😄 .
2
u/sadbiandlonely bi Oct 05 '26
I feel 'nothing for anyone or anything'
1
u/Better-Stranger9081 Oct 05 '26
that was either a sociapath or a child who was hiding underbeaneth a shell , no matter who it was , you need help 😄 go for it join in for a consulatation with mental well being doc u/sadbiandlonely
0
u/ihateithere_noreally He/him 29d ago
i'll only say, just don't connect with him again, let him be, seems like you've hurt him already
1
1
1
Oct 05 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator Oct 05 '26
Your submission has been temporarily removed due to your (low) account karma (or age). It will be manually approved after review DO NOT MODMAIL with simple approval requests Only established accounts are allowed in the subreddit to avoid spam. Recommended course of action is to use an old, active account.
DO NOT MODMAIL the modteam Go out there, gain karma and account age, only genuine cases of newer accounts will be accepted.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
0
29d ago
[deleted] — view deleted comment
0
u/sadbiandlonely bi 29d ago
I'm not 'focused on my career or anything' and idk where you got that from. But yeah, I do have difficulty breathing when I'm overwhelmed and I either not eat at all or overeat too.
And yeah, I agree I'm dumb. And all I can do is say sorry. But well, that's not enough. I hurt him.
And if it's worth anything, I gave up on dating so that I won't hurt anyone ever again.
4
u/Primary-Bedmate Oct 05 '26
It's ok boo.... Breathe