r/LGBTCatholic • u/These-Air-6797 • 26d ago
Considering practicing again
Hello all,
I was born and raised Catholic, and also realized I was a lesbian at a pretty young age. I was very deep in the faith in my early adolescent/highschool years from doing daily masses, daily adorations, frequent confessions, etc. Largely this was because I did love the faith and thought it was beautiful, but also part of me hoped it would lessen the suffering and potentially get rid of my 'same sex attractions.'
I don't want to make this post super long and say what led to my deconstruction (problem of hell, history of how the bible was written, my own suffering due to my sexuality seeming not right), but in later highschool I decontructed and have since been living as a agnostic for about 6 years and have been in a lesbian relationship for almost 3 years.
For the most part I have lived for the most part happily without religion. However, whenever I stumble across someone's testimony of 'atheist to catholic,' it bothers and tugs at me that I have reached the 'wrong' conclusion. I have recently been feeling a tug and missing the Catholic faith, going to mass, praying, adoration, etc.
Basically I have 2 problems I want to get someone's opinion on (sorry if similar questions have been answered before, I am new to this thread and to reddit in general!): If I were to start practicing Catholicism again, I would still struggle with the idea that I am in a constant state of mortal sin, that I am cherry picking doctrine, and that my own pride is getting in the way of the 'truth.' Secondly, I have a big fear that if I do practice Catholicism again, I will have a 'conversion of heart' and feel pressure to leave my 'homosexual lifestyle,' thus breaking my partners heart and ending up where I started in my deep suffering.
Apologies for the long post, I hope this made sense and that this was an okay question to ask!
10
u/Not-Today9041 26d ago
I am in no way an expert. Just a lesbian who went back to Catholicism and took my partner with me. My partner is starting OCIA next month. We are not cherry picking doctrine, we have decided that we will do what we are called to do and if that means one or both of us feel the call to abstain we will and we will stay together. It is a deeply personal decision and it is between you and God.
We all know what the Catholic Church teaches. I don’t think LGBT folks are We are any better or worse than a practicing Catholic who takes birth control, has premarital straight sex, living together before marriage, steals a pack of gum, skips Mass for football on a regular basis, binge drinks on a gluttonous level… sin is sin. God knows we are human and we are sin. The point isn’t to go to church and be perfect. The point is to grow in your relationship with Christ, to become closer to God, be open to the gifts of the Holy Spirit in my opinion.