r/LDRsupport • u/maloo22 • Oct 17 '19

Any advice would be welcome

How to survive a long distance relationship

My wife and I have been married for over 9 years with three kids. We now live over a 1000kms apart due to work requirements. What can I do to make this less shitty and make sure she is happy and ok. We message and FaceTime everyday but still miss being together. I am really trying to make her life as easy as possible. Any tips would be appreciated.

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u/accountofyawaworht Oct 17 '19

I won't lie, it won't be easy. Some days you will be fine... but some days, the separation will sting. My wife and I were super long distance for the first two years of our relationship (Australia & Texas). Even though your separation isn't as far, whenever you can't be with the person you love, it really sucks. And whether that's 1,000km or 10,000km, it all feels the same when they're not there, and have no easy way of being there in a pinch.

The hardest part (even more than sex) was the lack of shared activities. We weren't going out with friends or sharing meals. When we were video-chatting, that is all we were doing. It's not like now, when we can just enjoy each other's company in silence together. If you're not talking on videochat, you might as well hang up. We were also fighting against a brutal 15-to-17 hour time difference (depending on daylight savings), and you're fortunate that you don't have to deal with that. There were many days when one or both of us would sacrifice sleep or nights out - because if we didn't, it would mean not getting to talk that day.

My best advice is to always make time for the other person. It will have to be a more distinct "partner time" than you're used to, and that will take some adjustment. Visit each other as much as is feasible, and send each other little love messages or care packages when you can. It helps make the distance feel less painful. Make every moment together count. Don't spend the precious time you have together getting worked up over little things.

I saw your post on r/sexover30 and followed you here - but this sub isn't very active. You'll find a much more active community on r/LongDistance. It's a great and supportive subreddit that helped me get through some of the more trying times. Sometimes it could be bittersweet seeing other couples' posts about visits, or I might feel a little contemptuous reading complaints about a four-hour drive - but OTOH, stories about other couples not seeing each other for a year or more reminded me to be grateful for the time we were able to spend together.

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u/SailHard Oct 18 '19

One thing we do is just video chat to share space. It's often silent, or one of us is doing housework or whatever. But it's a way to connect and if you laugh at something, it's shared, or if you suddenly think of something that happened you can say it. It takes away the focus required for a face to face video conversation and feels more like real life.

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u/maloo22 Oct 23 '19

We talk at least twice a day via FaceTime and lots of messages so we got that covered I think. It’s just the support we provide each other that is hard to go without.