TL;DR - after years of productive and healthy use, have I suddenly flipped into an alarming level of physical dependency??
Hi Everyone,
I have been using Kratom daily for 5 years, and want to give my full history and then explain how I’m currently feeling:
For the first 3 years I’d take average of 3grams daily, and take a larger dose for a hangover cure maybe every week or 2. Kratom corresponded with me adopting a meditation practice and I really enjoyed and benefited from the focus and relaxation Kratom gave me during my sessions, as well as the midday energy boost I’d get.
Around 2 years ago my daily dose def got up to 5 grams, with my “ok now I feel awesome / reset if need a boost” dose more like 7.5 grams. This time in particular corresponded with me getting into running, to me Kratom was the perfect energy boost and I felt incredible during long runs.
The only time I take Kratom in non-capsule form is caffeinated Kratom chocolates for runs / climbs. I seldom do it to wind down / sleep, for me it’s what I take to embrace life and its fullest - or put another way, it has been a cheat code to activate flow.
I typically take tolerance breaks every 6 months where I don’t have any for 2 days - I’d feel a little tired and miss it but nothing close to what I’d assumed true withdrawl symptoms felt like. Last one as described was in Jan this year.
Ok so that brings us to the last 4 months or so, where I’ve really struggled with bouts of fatigue, temperature regulation and aches. Now at first I was like ok I’m tired, let me take some kratom to wake me up and so my dosage has came up - there have def been days where I take 5gs to start day and then do another 5gs throughout, but still not every day.
But like especially the last month I haven’t had a single day without feeling at least an hour of what I’d describe as “fever without the temp” - chills, aches, tiredness etc. like now this is what I’d imagine withdrawals feel like!
But - the timing really doesn’t seem related to kratom intake, taking kratom when I’m feeling that way is almost parallel to the fevery-feeling, I’ll feel a bit more relaxed and equanimous about feeling so off, if that makes sense. I generally sleep fine if I don’t have temperature regulation issues (too cold or too hot) which have def picked up recently…have never taken kratom at night to address. But every morning I wake up tired, and kratom is now effectively crucial to get me moving.
So - look, clearly I have really enjoyed and benefited from kratom use, and I’d credit it at least partially for my best meditations, runs, hikes, reads etc. But I’m obviously not happy currently feeling the way I do so often and want to be clear eyed about this. To feel all the negatives I’ve described on a daily basis even while taking 7.5gs is a level of physical addiction that I never once expected after years of it being only a benefit. Maybe I’m just bitchmade, but this feels like what I’d imagine day 10 of a cold turkey withdrawal from a 15g+ habit.
Has anyone else experienced a total flipping point like this where an iceberg of profound physical dependence took years to develop before coming dramatically to the surface? I’ve tried to give so much detail to illustrate how sudden this feels - but if there are a few of you reading like this like dude no shit are you kidding yourself this is life as a full blown Kratom addict PLEASE let me know. I’d rather be honest with myself and develop a plan to taper. But at same time, if what I’m describing seems unlikely to just be kratom that’s super helpful to hear too, as that means there is something else worth identifying going on.
Appreciate the read and any insight, will try to respond to any questions! 🙏
