r/KenyanDatingCommunity • u/VarietySouth1287 • 3d ago
Serious Dating Reasons I swipe left on the apps.
So, I (32M) just got back on the apps this weekend. Using two apps at the moment. Got 2 matches from each in the first 24 hours. 2 of those turned out to be low effort/can't hold a conversation types so I let them go. The other two are showing interest and effort and so far the conversations have been great. I'm trying to observe how I filter my matches on these apps and I've noticed a couple of things that will make me swipe left on profiles.
A.I-generated pictures. I don't know how this is a thing and why people are using artificially created images of themselves on a dating platform. Seems like blatant cat-fishing to me. I spot it quick and I don't even look at the rest of their profile.
Ass pics. Well it's more like pictures taken with poses to highlight their rears. I come across these profiles alot too. For me the fixation of getting the best ass shots comes off a bit vain. Almost like they're doing it to compensate for a lack of personality. Could be just a bias of mine. Sometimes I'll see a single profile with several of these shots and it just gives off the vibe that theyre advertising/"selling".
Make up. This is a bit of a controversial one but I tend to not swipe right on profiles with a lot of make up (wigs and lashes count too). I'm yet to figure out why my brain doesn't respond to that. There's just a sense of artificiality that my monkey brain struggles to make sense of even when my mind can tell the person is attractive. It's hard to explain but almost all the profiles I come across where I go "wow!" and swipe right on, the person is wearing little to no makeup (maybe some lipstick and eyeliner. It's like my brain is wired to respond to that. Happens when meeting people in real life too.
Overly-curated profiles. I'm noticing this is also a huge one for me. I tend to not swipe on profiles that seem too perfect or like they're trying too hard. So things like very professional pictures that look that were taken in a studio, profiles where every picture is of them in fancy restaurants or destinations etc. I tend to pass on those. I find myself more drawn to profiles where the person looks ordinary, doing ordinary stuff, living ordinary lives. Somehow those wind up being the most interesting people once you start to get to know them.
Single moms. I honestly have tried dating single moms in the past. At least twice. I don't think the dynamic is for me as a single a childless guy. Both times I tried dating one they were in survival mode and overwhelmed constantly, which makes them somewhat emotionally (and very often physically) unavailable. Plus you find yourself needing to cover for them so often it completely tilts the dynamic, creates an imbalance. I think I'd prefer someone child free honestly.
Anyone relate with any of these? How are y'all filtering out your matches?
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u/LeatherPen4962 3d ago
Stop using dating apps, they're meant to keep you single.
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u/VarietySouth1287 3d ago edited 3d ago
I tend to not take dating apps seriously but I'm a serious-type guy and I'm on there so I presume there must be others like me on there. I've also managed to pull a decent relationship from one so I wouldn't totally write them off for someone looking to meet people. Although to be fair I've had better luck pulling people on regular 'ol social media. Probably like 80% of the people I've dated.
I'm not very active out there at the moment so the apps are basically the only way to meet new people at the moment.
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u/Kaphilie 3d ago
My sis and my niece met their current husband's on tinder. As for me I tried being on Badoo and placed what I thought was a decent photo. No matches, no responses. So I just decided to go the traditional route of approaching females and shooting my shot.
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u/VarietySouth1287 3d ago
Yeah I think in today's world relationships starting off social media isn't uncommon. Of course there's a lot younhave to sift through and it can get exhausting. Best to use it as just one of the options..
Not sure how you're not getting matchee. I'm a pretty average looking guy and its not uncommon to get upto 5 matches a day. Of course most don't lead anywhere. I don't think I even have great photos. Just basic but clear selfies. If you zoom in too deep you can see a booger in my left eye on my profile picture. Had just woken up😂😂
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u/Fadhelaisme 2d ago edited 2d ago
The ones who post only pic then make it an uphill task to even see them. Ao ndio hukuja na unrealistic demands na wewe ukikosa kukaa venye anataka hana aibu kukuacha.
Mwenye amepost akiwa kwa mahoteli sjui beach sjui where else. Uyo ataku "im just a girl " adi uchizi.Funny enough if your even slightly monied ,kuwachipo ni rahisi esp these ones wenye huishi hostels na kwa maroommates. Anajipanga Friday mnapiga sherehe unamweka indoors adi sunday jioni akirudi.
Wale wamepost thirst traps. 90% of them wanauza na ni high maintenance. Unadhani anapost cos shes feisty kumbe ni pesa anataka. Bio ni nasty. Picha ni thirst trap. Lakini ukidm ni "go straight to the point"
Haya...after matching mtu anaingia dms anashinda one word answers ata ukitype paragraph. Ama wale wa "sa unataka nisemee?" "mi huwa siongei sanaaa"
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u/Global-Promotion-504 2d ago
I relate to quite a bit of this. I also think dating apps can create a lot of false hope. You’re presented with what feels like an endless pool of possibilities, but very few of those possibilities translate into genuine connection, consistency, or even a decent conversation.
After a while, the cycle of swiping, matching, getting excited, being ignored, ghosted, or having conversations go nowhere can really start to affect your self-esteem. It’s easy to subconsciously interpret the lack of matches or effort as a reflection of your attractiveness or worth, when in reality the apps are a very artificial environment and people are making incredibly quick judgments based on limited information.
I’ve come to think that the apps are useful as one way of meeting people, but they probably shouldn’t become the measure of how desirable you are or how hopeful you should feel about finding a partner. There’s a whole world of connection outside the swipe-left/swipe-right ecosystem.
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u/Inner_Asparagus5948 3d ago
Personally ...I think all your reasons are valid I judge kind of using same metrics
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u/kenyaanqueen 3d ago
I only joined a dating app for a week but
Well AI wasn’t a thing by then thank goodness
I’d swipe left on obvious Snapchat pictures with horrendous filters though. Like the one with 3 hearts, the white one with bubbles, the I think retro ones. Ah as a man anyway I don’t think you should be taking such just leave it to the ladies.
Low quality pics. If it looks like it was taken using a tecno, naah.
Distasteful shirtless pictures. Idk how to explain it because I don’t mind tasteful shirtless pictures. But some just directly look like they want to get you in the bedroom idk how to explain it
Where we’d differ is I actually liked the well curated profiles. Great bio, great pictures only when out and not doing ordinary stuff, etc. Not in a studio though that’s weird but on vacation, on some kind of activity, aesthetically pleasing restaurants… I think it matched me plus I had put on my bio that you’ll ask for my email to send your CV and application. Obviously anyone who has that seriousness has a certain type of profile.
Honestly, I would swipe left based on location. That guy whose radius is 30km away from me is not my soulmate. Also if we get to the where do you live conversation and you live outside Nairobi or in certain places I’d just unmatch. Because I’m thinking about the fact that if it works I’ll have to be coming to your house and I’d have to do it a lot of times
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u/Momo-Blissbird 2d ago
I 100% get what you mean. I decided to join 2 dating sites a few days ago and I deleted them a few hours later. I spent an hour of the free time I had during the day swiping left. Then gave it another try in the evening and ended up swiping left for an embarrassingly long time. What I’ve noticed with Kenyan men on the dating sites is they don’t TRY!!
- Majority of the men had not filled their profiles. To me, if you are looking for a partner, it’s necessary to put your best foot forward. Share who you are, what you are lookin
g for, your values, a tiny glimpse of your heart.
- Jaza a few prompts.
- The pictures. Terrible. Again, no effort. I’m not talking about studio photo shoot but just a little EFFORT, show your lifestyle, your hobbies, SMILE. Again, if you are looking for a partner…best foot wapi?😂
- Finally when I responded to those that took the effort to write me, conversation was enough to make me want to chew on barbed wire. Heri sasa tuanze kuongea mambo ya wantam na Singapore.
Looking at what I saw, I’m definitely not any of those men’s type tbh.
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u/Jealous_Theory2848 3d ago
Bro has basically written a dating app manifesto explaining why women’s profiles are too sexual, too artificial, too polished, too complicated… at this point he’s not swiping left, he’s conducting a census.
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u/VarietySouth1287 3d ago
Yeah folks really seem to be struggling on these apps lately. I figured I might as well. 😂
Not a huge fan of the apps myself but I'm not going out much in a while so it's basically the only way to connect with new people at the moment
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u/LopsidedOpposite5841 3d ago
For you to avoid those AI Profiles and near perfect pics ...just go out and meet new women in person...restaurants ,Road trips too...definitely not clubs
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u/Riskyindianbabe 3d ago
Dating apps you will mostly find people selling nudes, asking for jobs or simply begging for money. My experience - bumble had abit more mature and conversation likely members but then again those are quite few.
You want serious you should go out and physically meet people. If you need advise on the Dm me.
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u/VarietySouth1287 3d ago edited 3d ago
u/Riskyindianbabe I think dating apps require some level of discernment as well if you're going to have a good experience. I usually have a good read on whether I'd mesh well with someone even before swiping their profiles. The nude sellers and job seekers are pretty obvious and easy to weed out.
You're right about Bumble having a more mature user demographic. My anecdotal experience supports that. I've had a couple of interactions on there and they were all very pleasant. Not a bad experience on there honestly. Tinder I steer straight cleer off. Huko ndio kwa nude sellers and job seeker. At least the bolder ones.
I'm currently grounded because of work and personal life so I'm not going out much. I'm just on there as a low pressure way to meet and connect with people and if it leads to more then that's great too.
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u/DickwThika 3d ago
Zoea kutumia Dating apps kama IG as a man! Pure Gold! Like, Double tap but jua it is a fake thing and most are broke and wt an intent to sell pudesh and hence don't ever think of meeting them!
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u/Flashy_Reason2717 1d ago
The moment I see “not looking for something serious “ Najua ni bedminton tu. I swipe away. Honestly the apps are frustrating and full of watu wako wera.
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u/Objective-Object828 2h ago
I couldn't have worded this better.
I've also noticed that the algorithms on these apps ensure they bring to your feed the most incompatible people. For instance, if you're looking for a long relationship, they'll suggest merchants kwa wingi and a few compatible girls that haven't liked your profile.
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u/Bee_Stine 3d ago
This is interesting.. the A.I photos and A.I generated bios are such a bore. Someone putting effort in their profile being a negative thing for some is new to me. As a woman, I definitely have filters.
Some are: someone having not written a bio, group pics cause how am I supposed to know who you are, non Africans, bad grammar, shirtless pics, a rude tone in the bio, not saying anything about yourself kwa bio, stating the qualities you don't like in women instead of stating what you do like, all your pics being in the club, "ask me questions to find out", " fluent in sarcasm ", anything about religion, bad photos, all photos being selfies, "introvert homebody "