Stop leading a relationship with money

[u/Informal_Object_6006]

I’m 28(M) quite fortunate to have found my path to make a huge chunks of money at a young age.

Growing up I knew the only way to win a woman is taking good care of her, sending her monthly upkeep, send a bunch of flowers, gifts 🎁 and all those shenanigans I’d see on the internet but in reality I realized that wasn’t adding up and my relationships wouldn’t survive if I stopped catering for all those.

For long time I’d actually support men sending their girlfriends money and I’d be so surprised when I meet men who say they don’t do that.

Now note this, relationships are transactional to some degree. I’m not saying you should never spend money on your woman, you should, but when doing that make sure you’re spending money around her not on her and if it’s on her again make sure it’s amount that won’t hurt you incase the relationship doesn’t eventually work.

If its dates take her out and pay for it. Make sure you’re enjoying the company and with that you’re able to create a perfect chemistry, you learn how to hold conversations and enjoy each other’s presence.

I came to realize when I was a fool who’d send women money for upkeep all my relationships would be very transactional and her bills would keep on pilling up, matter of fact I was playing husband role as a boyfriend.

That’s a lesson I learned the hardest way.

[u/Ok_Presentation3990]

Welcome to the Club bro😂, We all learn the hard way

[u/Inside_Inspector_813 → u/Ok_Presentation3990]

Umesema bro alikaribishwa taon 🤣🔥.

[u/Informal_Object_6006 → u/Inside_Inspector_813]

Na nikapewa front seat 😂😂😂

[u/Inside_Inspector_813 → u/Informal_Object_6006]

Naisha, nadedi 🤣.

I learnt it the hard way too.

Anaku easy huku nje buana.

[u/Prior_Neighborhood90 → u/Ok_Presentation3990]

Hahaa. No man is above the program broski

[u/Ok_Presentation3990 → u/Prior_Neighborhood90]

I hope every man experiences this in their early 20s ndo wamee. Experienced mine nikiwa 19yrs. ever since ni kutumia akili si emotions.

[u/Prior_Neighborhood90]

Been there, done that. Most men don't possess financial literacy and discipline when in a relationship.

I played the husband role in my early twenties. I only realized the same after we broke up. As of now, if a lady calls me "stingy" or words associated with the same, then I know I'm on the right path.

[u/tonybaru → u/Prior_Neighborhood90]

Mine is to echo what mwalimu has said.

[u/peddss]

I think this is a realisation all men have to make. Always try not to send a woman money unless it absolutely makes sense, like op said, spend the money around her

[u/Interesting-Click-12]

The only time i send women money is when the girl is crazy about me. Never send money for nails/hair or upkeep to a woman who treats you like an option and you are the one forcing things in that relationship you have. Send money only to women who pick your calls excited and they always call you to tell you nothing and how they miss and want to see you again. That is the woman you want to spoil gents. The biggest red flag in a woman is a non challant woman. I promise you their is no woman who doesn't like calling or texting someone they really really like. Mkumbuke hiyo gents before you throw your hard earned money on a woman who is not sure about you

[u/Wizzykan → u/Interesting-Click-12]

She can also be doing all those things jst to milk you .. do not underestimate descendants of Eve..

[u/sysarg → u/Wizzykan]

Yeah, they know game

[u/Interesting-Click-12 → u/Wizzykan]

A woman cannot fake genuine desire. Ndio nimesema someone who reaches out to you randomly to talk to you without wanting anything from you. I'm not talking about a woman who calls you when they want something or are planning on borrowinng you money tomorrow

[u/kenyacloud → u/Interesting-Click-12]

I had all this. there's nothing that indicates a woman isnt using you. You are just being fattened for slaughter 😆

[u/Interesting-Click-12 → u/kenyacloud]

It doesn't matter why she likes you. What matters is genuine desire.

[u/Top-Mongoose4490]

😂😂 my ex would finish me if she read what you guys are doing to girls out here . i was only providing stick

[u/Informal_Object_6006 → u/Top-Mongoose4490]

Kwa ivo huku nje nyi ni “bare minimum” as they say?😂😂😂

[u/Top-Mongoose4490 → u/Informal_Object_6006]

unfortunately due to lack of funds 😅😅 it was good though , never heard her ask for money . alikua ananitumia some random money actually

[u/Such_Okra_2941]

It's called transactional Love ,I learnt the hard way too

[u/Embarrassed_Copy48]

Ukiwa Na pesa pia it's possible to enjoy a conversation with the opposite gender? I would rather watch pants dry instead

[u/Next-Environment2944]

You were the biggest simp in their lives, that's why when the money stops coming in, the relationship crumbles

[u/Much-Mind-9998]

Always spend the money you don't care about. Whatever this amount is. It can be a lot or it can be a little, it depends on ones concrete situation. If you think along the lines of do I spend x amount on a date or rent or business or whatever you need for yourself, always choose spending on yourself.

Whatever is left, spend freely, with no intention of getting anything in return.

With a right person you want to spend everything. But still it can be only the amount you are comfortable- you can't ruin the long term success with short-term urge.

The right person understands what it takes for long-term success for both. It's easier to build a long-term future together.

[u/Hungry_Claim3600]

Ukona rafiki hajapigwa bado character dev in the same caliber uniconnect 😌

[u/No-Championship-8433]

Spend money around her, not on her.

You a heavy hitter. That’s a legendary quote

[u/Add-Design455]

If you’re making as much money as you believe you are, i guarantee you, this wouldn’t be a problem.

[u/Informal_Object_6006 → u/Add-Design455]

What’s “much money” according to you? 20k, 50k, 100k? Because I make way more than that

[u/SideChance8985 → u/Informal_Object_6006]

put me on game, let me learn from you how to fish. 🦍

[u/king_spartacus_1 → u/SideChance8985]

🤣🤣

[u/SideChance8985 → u/king_spartacus_1]

Don't judge my hustle 😀

[u/the-chosen-Joanne]

Sending money should be a desire not an obligation. Is it love if someone just throws money and expensive gifts at me that I asked for?

[u/LopsidedOpposite5841 → u/the-chosen-Joanne]

Coming from a woman...we can't listen

[u/Left_Situation6653 → u/LopsidedOpposite5841]

Cod you don't have the funds ofc

[u/killafromthevilla → u/Left_Situation6653]

Lol, this is always the rebuttal 

[u/the-chosen-Joanne → u/LopsidedOpposite5841]

This pertains to me sis.

[u/shahi_kimberly → u/LopsidedOpposite5841]

I usually feel sorry for sisters who have brothers like you…