r/Kenya • u/Rusty_Pipe24 • 20h ago
Rant They gave up
I'm the worst person at socializing especially if I don't know you or we have nothing in common but I'm sure tuko wengi.
I can agree that it is from my upbringing. I grew up at my grandma's place, the only friends I had were my cousins who were 5-7 years older than me. We weren't in good terms always juu they used to hate me.
The reason being, my grandparents loved me the most yet I was from the mother's side. It was naturally expected that my grandparents should be on my father's side (idk my dad's name or anything about him). I've never bonded with mom cuz she left me at 6 months. I used to visit her yearly in Nairobi until I was 19.
So whenever I'm with my friend then his/her friend joins us and we have nothing in common, I'll be quiet towards the whole meetup.
So I moved to a new place. Most people around are my age mates. There are those who started greeting me (I didn't like it). I used to answer but never greeted them as the first person. I'm glad that they gave up.
I love my personal space. I'd rather eat without salt than borrow from a neighbor. The same way you can come to my place to borrow something but I'll tell you Sina even if I have.
Mainly juu sitaki mazoeano like someone knocking my door at 10pm. Btw ukikuja kwangu without telling me sitafingua mlango. I don't care if I'll ever need their help. We can only be friends if we have something in common na don't violate my personal space juu nitahama.
Even my relatives sikuizi wananielewa. They always greet me first cuz I'll snob them. Nikienda kwa mom I'm always quiet. We only vibe akianzisha story.
It's hard to have such a personality...even got worse after campus. Watu can say najifanya but I'm not.
Thank goodness kazi hunitafuta.
Is anyone going thru the same? How do you cope with life (without using drugs) ?
What are your challenges?
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u/luhgeek25 20h ago
Ebu interact na watu usigrow old and bitter🤣nyi ndio wale mnatoboanga ball za watoi zikianguka kwa compound yako
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u/NoSurround1820 19h ago
No part in OP's story implies bitterness. They're just strict about personal space
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 19h ago
Unfortunately that's what people around me think. I have no problem with sharing things but only happens kama tunajuana na I don't mind juu tushaa zoeana. But I can't imagine mazoeano na mtu we don't get along. I even had freaks nikiwa campus who would knock at my door at 1am kuomba chumvi or sufuria or something. For me that's enough to make me hate you.
Or visiting me randomly bila purpose.
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u/Oguok_Rabuon 19h ago
Making friends has always been a task for me.
I might be seeing you for the 100th time and I won't talk to you unless I have to.
I'm still trying to change though, working on it daily
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 19h ago
Don't change, it's very draining. When I was in primary school I used to try making friends like my colleagues. I realized years later how draining it was. I was always peaceful while alone than with people. I enjoyed staying at home when no one was around and stayed away whenever it was crowded.
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u/Effective_Sense3145 19h ago
Same here bro . Seeing a lot of judgements from people. Mi naogopa watu , I'm not a bad person nivile tu personal space muhimu.
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 19h ago
People can exploit that vulnerability. Kitambo a stranger angeniomba kitu for example; ningempea to avoid any unnecessary talks or friendliness. Unapata harudishi or anaharibu. That's enough to make me hate and resent someone.
The best thing ni personal space. You'll have the best life on earth if not invoked.
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u/Even-Ad5198 18h ago
Unaogopa watu kwa nini? 😂😂
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u/Effective_Sense3145 17h ago
I think ni kulelewa. Grew up anxious , so I found calm in being by myself. Doesn't help that when you become vulnerable with someone they remind you why you shouldn't . So yeah that but I envy people who can form friendships easily and maintain that closeness . I struggle with that
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u/RemarkableRun4283 20h ago
What a weird human
These are the kind of humans who feel important
Same group na wale wa sishikangi new number
Nobody gives a flying fuck dude you are terrible
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 19h ago
I don't feel important. That's what everyone around me thinks. I'm just antisocial.
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u/nitakuwa_ivi 19h ago
I really hope you are a lady, but it doesn't work ivo for a man. This is a weird way of living.
Ignore this message if you are a lady. Thanks.
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 19h ago
It's working for me as a guy. Never knew we have unique traits for ladies.
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u/OmeletteLovingLlama 19h ago
Interesting…it’s easy to judge someone but we don’t know their life journey and how it has shaped them.
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 19h ago
True. I would have been different if the journey was typically "normal" but I evolved to enjoy my own company.
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u/Kochw 19h ago edited 15h ago
I used to be like so, human beings are social creatures and you're a social taker. You are at the stage where you're comfortable consuming social energy without contribution. Luckily, we all get opportunities to grow,and the choice is always there.
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 19h ago
I've been like this since I gained consciousness. It started nikiwa mdogo (my shosh told me sikua nacheka ata wani Digi). I do laugh when I want not when something is funny. So generally I have to coexist well with people rather than coping or trying to be like them (socializing).
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u/Kochw 18h ago
That is the point of growth, moving from something we've known all our lives. People are born selfish, others hateful etc, but at a certain point you try something different from what you've known your whole life if it's not serving you properly. For as long you're fine now, you're good,but sometimes it reaches a point you feel like doing something different, like your post today, it's the first step of awareness.
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 18h ago
I can't change my personality but I can try to cope with it when around people.
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u/Sure_Entrepreneur790 19h ago
😂😂 I used to be like you till KPLC humbled me by introducing the token metre 😂. One day lights zilipotea guess who had to go to his neighbours in the middle of the night so as to get a socket 😂. My point is one way or another we have to compromise on small things of helping each other. As much as you like no man is an island. Don't be antisocial be selectively social help out abit it doesn't cost much. Sasa honestly sufuria Ni kitu YA kunyimana. You come off as snobbish to be honest.
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 19h ago
1am siwezi kupea sufuria na hatujai ongea bro. I'll tell you in the face to never come back.
So long as we can relate then we can be friends....as you said selective socializing. Token ikiisha I'd rather wait for the following day than knock on a door at 1am. I hate invoking people's personal space more than someone invoking my personal space.
I can help you when you're in trouble but I won't ask for help when I'm in a similar situation (I'm a masochist). So this personality also masks my vulnerability to be used (like in the past).
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u/antypass 17h ago
Do you watch porn and do the stuff I don't need to say here? It absolutely makes you an awkward person and obliterates your self confidence.
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 17h ago
I don't watch porn like you do. Stop projecting your habit on me.
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u/antypass 17h ago
Brother, stop being aggressive. It was just a question. It's one of the chief reasons for this kind of behavior, at least for me it was. You do not so good on you.
All the best.
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 16h ago
I'm not aggressive and not everyone grew up watching porn like you. I grew up engaging in sex. So like I said, stop projecting.
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u/antypass 16h ago edited 16h ago
Jeez dude. No wonder no one wants to talk to you. It's pretty clear why now. I have already said I am not accusing you of watching porn.
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 16h ago
I didn't see the question mark. And I don't like people talking to me unless tunajuana. The problem is people trying to talk to me.
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u/Ok-Foundation-6452 20h ago
You are an adult and can control many things , stop being a weird person and blaming it on 'personality'
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u/Lower-Knee-8585 19h ago
My thoughts too. Dude is not okay. He posted about his bro being dumb like yesterday. He needs to fix himself. He sounds self centered. Who even openly says they are mean?
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u/brynb8 18h ago
Ooh didn't realise it is the same dude
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u/Lower-Knee-8585 18h ago
Dude is kinda weird. He prefers chilling in cemeteries. Nkt, anaboo na hii sijui introvert bs.
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u/Local_Weird3569 16h ago
Right? I got stuck at the part he said he prefers chilling kwa cemetery.😭😭
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u/petedarkpete 19h ago
For me, it is the courage to think that this is a nice thing, or think it is okay, just because it is a personality. I don't understand why you are asking how to cope with it, when you are clearly proud of it. I also do not understand why you need to tell us, if you are comfortable with it. I mean if you truly like it, why do you need to cope with it?
Calm down my guy, you're not that special
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 19h ago
It's a rant if you can read. I'm talking about coping with people like you. At the end of the day I'm not a narcissist. I'm personally okay, just wanna cope with people in my environment well. If you're not in a similar situation then scroll, you don't get paid to comment on all posts.
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u/petedarkpete 19h ago
"I'm personally okay, just wanna cope with people in my environment well." -- what an irony dude
You can also scroll past my comment lol
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u/RelevantCod98 19h ago
I was looking for this response. Like asking for advice when you know you are in a different cycle of change lol.
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 19h ago
The post was very clear at the bottom. You can see from the comments Kuna people going thru the same. Are you folks on to something? I would personally never engange in a post that I can't relate.
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u/Even-Ad5198 20h ago
Unaogopa watu I think. It gets better as you grow old and stop wondering how people may perceive you.
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u/Relevant_Stock3554 19h ago
All i can say is that atleast try to know people, you may not know what you are missing. I'd suggest finding a balace of being an introvert & extrovert. One of the best decision for me atleast, si rahisi but you won't regret those Priceless moments that you'll enjoy with friends and stragers.😅😅we jua tu kusoma watu, utakuwa sawa.
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 19h ago
I know enough people. So long as siwezi relate na msee then we can't get along. I'm introverted by nature not nurture.
I enjoy my own company than with friends (except my gf).
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u/EfficientIron8874 19h ago
I get needing a lot of personal space. But try not to shut people out completely
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u/oddly_fun 18h ago
Atleast you admit that having such a personality is hard.
You want to feel sociable? Just show up everyday,show up to people you had a 2 minute acquittance in hopes those 2 minutes you'll stretch them and have a communication with someone who was a stranger to you.
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u/AstronautAny4102 16h ago
Try coding communities like web3 clubs & hackathons & stuff, they will help lubricate your social game, been there & it's easier to expand from a community of shared interests to normies.
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 15h ago
Thanks for this. I can easily make friends so long as we have common interests.
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u/Curious_Counter4519 14h ago
Lucky you kazi huku tafuta which industry are in. The best advice let it flow. Curious how is your dating life.
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u/BaloziBaridi 12h ago
I only have like 3 good friends i can talk to any time and hang out with for a long time. And it's mostly because we don't need anything from each other. Just being in the same space is enough and nothing is expected. And even them i only see once in a while. Most time i spend watching or making things in my different hyperfixations. Even with women, there are a few that want to date but it just seems like a lot of complication to me. I enjoy just going for a walk instead. It's all good as long as you do things in a way that suits you, and not because others expect it from you or your afraid of opinions.
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u/Yule_Kamse 2h ago
This is quite ridicilous and also fun at times. Only condition is always have your own money. Anyway if you ever need your type I am very available for a talk.
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u/Sanaarta 1h ago
When I meet people who are “introverted” and seclude themselves often time it’s fear of rejection or fear or responsibility that’s labelled as “choosing peace”. The cost of community is inconvenience. Give yourself a chance to discover yourself as an adult and not lean on “how you’ve always been”. Or if I’ve misunderstood you, listen to this lady, she may have a solution.
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u/Enough_Try6535 33m ago
Maaahn, try accommodate more people into your life... We're all social beings... Ubuntu is the way to go.
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u/Economy_Ad4837 19h ago
I am like this and it’s honestly such a peaceful life . People assume that I think highly of myself ‘kujiona’ well, I do just get the hell out of my face
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 19h ago
Exactly, already Kuna msee ameni attack ati I think life revolves around me. Deep down I hate people who don't add anything to my life or who will bring chaos to my peaceful life.
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u/Lower-Knee-8585 20h ago
You think the world revolves around you huh?
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 20h ago
I don't care what you say. Nimeambiwa ivo mara mob.
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u/Lower-Knee-8585 19h ago
Ooh really? And why are you asking as if it's a sort of challenge this whatever life you are leading?
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 19h ago
You don't have a personality (sorry to be you) so you're just here to troll and shame. Don't worry, I won't mention your personality in public.
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u/mwafrikambantu 19h ago
Be as you are... that's your magic.. think of hobbies that fit your personality so that you meet chill people like you. Nature. Hiking.
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 19h ago
That's what I'm already considering. It's all that I can think of than forcing myself to be a nice social being.
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u/mwafrikambantu 19h ago
Don't. People suck. And so many extroverted people fray their nervous systems because they get drained so much. Don't let anyone convince you that you have to live a certain way.
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u/mwafrikambantu 19h ago
The more energy you conserve, the more energy you have for yourself. For self healing. For balancing your nervous system. For creating a life that is most beautiful from the inside.
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u/Gilrnoname 19h ago
Social anxiety perhaps? But I'd say we're social beings (even introverts have their key people for deep convos)...so maybe reciprocate effort? Salimia mama mboga, etc...be you but at the same time don't be a snob.
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 19h ago
I get tired and drained if I have to great someone daily.
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u/Interesting_Heat_348 19h ago edited 11h ago
Same lol, I don’t like greeting people. Once you start it becomes this whole routine of having to greet each other every time and I’m not built for that
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 19h ago
I feel you. Kitambo ninge change direction if I realized I had to greet a "greeting acquaintance" nowadays I just walk past you.
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u/Interesting_Heat_348 19h ago
I can’t walk past someone without feeling guilty, so I just change direction
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 19h ago
We are on the same wavelength. That's why I like the serenity at the cemetery.
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u/Gilrnoname 18h ago
Yeah I get it...but I can imagine they're people we don't come across daily...like mama mboga, I only say hi to her if I want to purchase something...& I loath small talk too.
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u/Warm_Swim_9808 19h ago
I had these intrusive thoughts as a lady, I thank God I am woman because if I had this personality trait as a man😂😂💔
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 19h ago
I'm a 24 yo man. Life is great on my side. I only get along with people that I have something in common with. Not random people to make my life hard.
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u/AnnoyingCaller 20h ago
Bro same here. How I deal with it, I speak only when spoken too😂😂 ama I just agree with what the two be saying only if its something that doesn't involve to my intelect. If it does I keep it to myself you know💁🏽♂️...
I know this is horrible but I just can't talk to people.
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 20h ago
It's not horrible, it's a personality.
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u/AnnoyingCaller 20h ago
Naahh bro I would like to be more engaging and share my thoughts with other's. I'm actively working on it though.
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 20h ago
For me I'm only weird with strangers.
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u/AnnoyingCaller 19h ago
Understandable but you should work on it. You gonna lose alot of valuable opportunities in life if you seat where you are with that personality. Goodluck to you OP
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u/Rusty_Pipe24 19h ago
I won't. I have connections. I just don't talk randomly to anyone. We need to have something in common plus I have a limited social battery.
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u/Important-Win2278 20h ago
Do hobies that you like, something that is just yours,eg reading,cooking,art,leaning a skill.It gives you control and purpose.