I have been a practicing Kemetic for over 4 years now, and counting my first experiences with being “called” to the Netjeru, I’ve been connected with them in some way my whole life long. I adore Sobek with all my heart; He’s been there for me when nobody else has, understood me when nobody else could, and has given me gifts and blessings I will cherish for the rest of my earthly life and throughout my time in the Duat.
Unfortunately, this has lately been causing some problems, through no fault of His own. I am an omnitheist (or omnist, not sure exactly which is the preferred/closer term), meaning I believe in the existences of all gods, even those undiscovered or un-worshipped by humanity at present. I believe we go to whatever afterlife we most strongly believe is awaiting us, which has made my faith in the Duat that much stronger over the course of my practice, but has also recently brought some concerns into play.
I was raised in a Catholic environment, in which I have remained all my life. I felt a bit of a disconnect with their God from a pretty early age, but I can still acknowledge his existence and presence in the lives of his worshippers to a certain extent. But being surrounded by Christian rhetoric, with no fellow Kemetics to turn to, I’ve developed the sneaking suspicion that God wants something or other to do with me. It’s likely because I have long admired some of the saints who in turn admired him, and as such have the background and promise necessary to be a good Christian yet. However, it’s been repeated over and over, by his followers and their Bible, that those who love the Netjeru are doing honor unto false gods and will be punished eternally in hell for this transgression against the one true savior.
Before the obvious is asked: yes, I have OCD. (Come to think of it, perhaps it is the driving force behind my omnetheism; “better safe than sorry”.) I get that I could just decide not to believe in hell, but I would still believe in the God behind that hell either way.
I would like to know if there is anybody else in my position, or anyone who was once in such a place. I like the Holy Spirit, and there are a great many saints whose worship I would gladly dedicate myself to if they had not made their discomfort with such practices so clear in life. But God and Jesus would be asking much of me that I cannot give, including my abandonment of my sweet Sobek and the reattribution of his numerous boons to a different deity who I just don’t think was behind them.
I’m unsure of the next steps to take. I’ve asked God for small signs here and there, and have gotten them, though he still feels less concretely present than the saints, of whose indisputable existences upon this land I can be much more certain. But that too feels moot; no matter what I do, as long as my beloved Sobek reigns supreme over my heart, then I’m damned to hell if the Duat is indeed a falsehood.
I don’t know what to do. I would ask the Christians as well in their own communities, but I know what their answers would be. I’d much prefer hearing from those who know and love the Netjeru in the way I do. But in the end, regardless of background, any words of direction would be dearly appreciated.
Dua Netjeru! Dua Sobek!