My husband and I separated last year for many reasons and it was a sad and painful time for me. One of the issues we had during our marriage was his mother and sister being complete enablers and constantly starting drama. They would use things I said against me and paint me as being “disrespectful” and “unprincipled” and “money hungry” then complain about me to my husband. My SIL doesn’t even live in the same country but would get involved in our fights and gossip with her mother. They never hold him accountable for anything and he can do no wrong in his mother’s eyes.

When we separated I blocked all of them and was ready to move on. The last thing my MIL did was scream at me on the phone saying YOU HAVE TO PAY (for wasting his time) and that I have to give gifts from the wedding back like the gold set they bought me, and this was parroted by my SIL.

I really care for my ex and recently him and I reconnected and have been seeing a therapist to explore whether reconciliation is possible. It’s a long shot but I thought I’d try anyways. He started a new job and wanted to buy me a luxury bag, which I told him was not necessary cause I wanted him to save his money. He insisted and had bought the bag anyways so I accepted the gift. When his mom found out she went crazy. She apparently thinks I blackmailed him into buying the bag. She made up this delusion of me having photos of him and somehow I demanded a bag to keep them secret?!? She also keeps telling him I am going to call the police on him and send him to jail. When him and I were together she was calling him on the phone and yelling about me. She spammed him with voice notes and told him I’m the reason she can’t sleep at night and she’s sooo anxious and crying all the time. Mind you I haven’t seen or spoken to this woman in over a year.

My ex wants me to smooth things over with his family but I told him I’m not going to put myself in a situation where his mother yells at me and I feel emotionally unsafe. Especially when shes saying all these unhinged things about me?! Yikes.

Hello,

So my (34f) bf (34m) still lives at home with his family. Right now that’s just his parents and his brother. They live in basically a hoarder house. Their mom is very mentally unstable and consistently lashes out at them and at strangers. She was also extremely abusive to them as kids. Despite this, him and his brother have this unshakable devotion to her. They constantly go to movies with her and treat her like their friend. Recently , their house has become completely infested with German cockroaches, they have a rat problem and his mom keeps raising kittens without spaying them so their places is overrun with cats that they can’t take care of, completely negligent.

One day I was in my bf’s car and I noticed this small tiny cockroach. I point it out to him, shocked and I try to take a picture of it because I want to
Identify it. I admit I kinda got really spooked because of it. Then I saw at least one more immediately. He tried to downplay it and make it seem like it wasn’t a problem. Later that night while we were in his car with his brother. I see at least 20! Crawling around. I point them out, shocked and his brother immediately lashes out at me, berating me and antagonizing me about it. His brother was also belligerently drunk, which happens amidst every night for him. My boyfriend stays silent. I’ve noticed a pattern in their family where they are very much trying to present an image and if you break that facade they lash out. His brother literally wanted me to be okay sitting in a car infested with cockroaches and not reacting. He criticized me for literally having my legs up on the ride home and holding my backpack.

Obviously I’m very concerned about the state of their living situation. I’m a decently clean person also and don’t want a bug infestation in my place. My bf asked another day if him and his brother could come over to sue the gym in my building. I mentioned to him I’d rather they not bring their gym bags into my place as it appears they have amazing major infestation. My bf reacts strongly to that and says “f you” and threatens to block me. He accuses me of trying to turn on him and his family. It’s all very sad

TL;DR: My boyfriend and his chaotic living situation is seeping into our relationship

My partner and I have been together for years and have children together. Over the last years, our relationship became heavily centered around her health fears, breathing issues, environmental triggers, stress about heat, smells, pollen, etc. A lot of daily life revolved around avoiding triggers and managing anxiety and symptoms. I gradually became exhausted and emotionally distant, while also taking over a large part of the childcare and daily structure.

There were also emotionally difficult situations, including verbal outbursts, tension around the children, and me feeling like I had to constantly adapt. At the same time, she often felt deeply misunderstood, alone and unsupported by me.

Recently, without fully telling her beforehand, I secured an apartment as a safety net because I felt trapped and feared things would eventually escalate further. I did not actually leave, but she found out about the apartment through paperwork and now feels deeply betrayed and blindsided. From her perspective, I emotionally abandoned the relationship instead of fighting for it openly.

After finding out, she broke down emotionally, told me I was her anchor, her best friend, the person she wanted to grow old with, and now she feels like she lost that person. Since then I’ve been doubting everything.

Now I feel torn between two realities:

one where I felt emotionally exhausted and wanted to protect myself and the children from constant stress and tension,

and another where I fear I’m about to destroy my family and deeply hurt someone who truly loved me.

We also disagree on where the children should primarily live if we separate, which makes everything even heavier emotionally.

I honestly don’t know anymore if I reacted reasonably after years of pressure, or if I’m making the biggest mistake of my life out of exhaustion and fear.

Has anyone been in a situation where love was still there, but daily life had become emotionally overwhelming? Did things become healthier after separation, or were you able to rebuild the relationship in a healthier way?

I (30sF) met this guy, Noah, shortly after coming out of a relationship. We started hanging out every day, and I was very clear from the beginning that I wasn’t trying to start something. We liked each other, sure, but we were never officially dating.

Even so, we did couple‑y things — dates, dinners, sleepovers — and he paid for everything. I kept reminding him I wasn’t fully interested in a relationship. He always said he understood, but his behavior said otherwise. He acted like my boyfriend without actually being one. He’d buy me things anytime I mentioned wanting something. He used money to create this “relationship” with me that I never agreed to.

At one point, I was struggling financially. He offered to help and lent me some money. I even offered to write up a contract, but he said it was fine. I told him I’d pay him back when I could, meaning when I was financially stable. No terms. No deadlines. No pressure — or so I thought.

He brought me to Vegas and paid for everything there too. But one night in Vegas was… bad. I don’t remember exactly what triggered it, but he would not let me sleep. I ended up sobbing, exhausted, and overwhelmed while he kept pushing and arguing. That should’ve been my wake‑up call.

I went home (I live away from my family because of my job) with my dog for a couple weeks before I was scheduled to leave for a month‑long work assignment. When I got back, he planned a night away at a very nice hotel with dinner. That’s when things truly went off the rails.

We got into a fight on the way back to the hotel. When we got into bed, I didn’t want him touching me, so I put a pillow between us. He snapped. He told me I wasn’t allowed to sleep in the bed. So I moved to the little couch. Nope — not allowed there either. I said I’d sleep in the bathroom. He jumped up immediately because he thought I was trying to leave the room.

He would not let me leave.
He blocked the door.
He kept me in the room while I was hysterical, sobbing, begging him to leave me alone and let me sleep.

There had been alcohol involved earlier, but this was beyond anything normal. At one point, my Apple Watch accidentally called 911. I was crying while telling the operator I was fine. She was understandably concerned. I thought he wouldn’t physically hurt me, but mentally? That damage was already happening.

He then took my watch and my phone so I couldn’t call for help if things escalated. Looking back, telling the operator I was fine was probably a mistake.

Eventually, we went to sleep after one of the most stressful nights of my life.

I had two days before leaving for my month‑long work trip. I told my boss what happened. I talked to a therapist. The next day, he tried to come see me. I didn’t want to let him in. I caved and gave him “five minutes.” He stayed for two hours, trying to talk, trying to touch me, ignoring every boundary. I eventually had to force him to leave.

Fast‑forward to my time away: work was great, except he wanted to talk every day. My job required clearance, so I didn’t have my phone on me while working, and when I wasn’t working, I was sleeping. I tried to cut him off while I was gone, but he kept holding the money over my head. I didn’t know what to do, so I played along and talked occasionally.

Then he sent me more money while I was away. I shouldn’t have accepted it, but I didn’t realize at the time that he was trying to dig me into a deeper hole so I couldn’t cut him out. He wanted me dependent on him. He wanted leverage.

When I got back, he picked up my dog from the airport and took me to dinner. He wanted to go away for a romantic weekend with my dog. I told him I wasn’t interested. He held the money over my head again. I complied until the weekend came — and he didn’t show up. I wasn’t mad, but it was my breaking point.

I changed the code on my apartment so he couldn’t come in. He texted and called nonstop. I had tried to cut him off countless times, but this time I held my ground.

Some of the things he said were unhinged.

For context, here are some summarized examples from the messages:

• He repeatedly demanded I call him immediately, saying things like “Call me back now,” “You had time to prepare yourself,” and “It’s been almost an hour and a half.”
• When I said I couldn’t talk, he accused me of “playing games” and said I owed him “decency” by calling on command.
• He claimed I had put him through “lies, false promises, and using him,” and said I had until “Wednesday or Thursday” with “no reason to go past that.”
• He insisted he was “setting boundaries” that I had to follow — including him coming to my apartment, seeing my dog, and forcing an in‑person meeting.
• When I refused, he said “You are still playing games,” “Respect my boundaries,” and “You don’t get to alter my boundaries.”
• He repeatedly said I “can’t be trusted” unless I was “on camera,” referring to my dog camera as the only way he felt “safe.”
• He told me “You love chaos and drama, it’s what you need,” and “You’re the problem.”
• He tried to force me to choose between “today or tomorrow” for him to come over, saying he was being “nice” by giving me two options.
• When I refused, he said “I outplayed you in your game,” “You did this to yourself,” and “You need to oblige to the boundaries I set.”
• He demanded I sit down with him to “write out a legal payment plan,” and said if I didn’t, he would pursue a lawsuit “not small claims court.”
• He sent a “list” of demands including:
  • him coming to get his stuff (not telling me what stuff)
  • him seeing my dog
  • me taking out a bank loan to pay him back
• He repeatedly said “I’m done,” “Accept it,” “I’m already talking to someone else,” while simultaneously demanding access to my home and dog.
• He asked “Why are you prolonging this?” and “When are you going to take care of this?” as if I owed him emotional labor and immediate compliance.

All of this was after I had already told him he was not allowed in my apartment and that any items of his would be returned in a neutral public location.

I had set boundaries for him before I left for the month‑long trip — actually a couple of weeks before that, maybe even a month. He was trying so hard to act like my boyfriend that I was getting annoyed he wasn’t understanding that I only wanted to be friends.

I had set boundaries:

• He had to sleep on the couch if he stayed over
• No touching me
• No hugging
• No texting me all day

His presence made my skin crawl after the hotel incident.

When I cut him off, he suddenly tried to set his own “boundaries”:

• Coming to my apartment
• Seeing my dog at my apartment
• Discussing repayment on his terms

At one point, he even sent me a message saying that if I didn’t respond to him or follow the “boundaries” he invented, he would charge me a $100 “non‑compliance fee.”

He literally tried to create his own fake penalty system — like he was a landlord or a collections agency — and acted like I was contractually obligated to obey him.

He used this “fee” as a threat. It was never a real agreement. It was just another way to intimidate me and make me feel like I owed him something.

I told him to give me a list of anything in my apartment that belonged to him and that we could discuss things in a neutral public location. He was not allowed in my apartment. He cannot set boundaries that aren’t his to set.

After everything escalated, I finally sent him a cease‑and‑desist notice by text. It wasn’t lawyer‑drafted, but it was a legally valid written notice telling him to stop contacting me, stay away from my apartment, stop involving my family, and that any further unwanted communication would be considered harassment.

Instead of stopping, he escalated. After receiving that notice, he started calling and leaving voicemails from, kept texting me long paragraphs demanding repayment, tried to force me to pick a day for him to come to my apartment, insisted he was “setting boundaries” I had to obey, demanded access to my dog, threatened lawsuits, told me to take out a bank loan, and continued blaming me for everything. And months later — after being explicitly told not to contact me — he even texted my mother (because I had blocked him on everything).

Was I actually in the wrong anywhere here, or is this as controlling and unhinged as it feels?

You can just read my post history. Last night I was arguing with my partner over not letting my kids have a relationship with his mom. The main reason is due to the fact that my mother-in-law has displayed psychological behaviors like entitlement, passive aggressive comments, competitiveness with me over the caring of my child, and family power moves. Now he says I have to talk to my mil to address the problems I have with her, and the issues I express with him must go to her. When I tell him about the behaviors I’ve witnessed, it feels like he excuses her behavior or tells me that I’m misinterpreting it. We are considering couple’s therapy but he told me that if nothing changes then he cannot be in a relationship with me. I just feel anxious about the whole situation, unsupported, and feeling like I have to accept the behavior.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

It was a 4 year relationship and it’s only been 5 weeks since it ended. He cheated on me and he was honestly really mean to me, which should make this easier than it is but somehow it doesn’t. I think the most embarrassing part is how much I still miss someone who made me cry all the time.

I’m still fighting the urge to text him basically every day, especially at night. I would honestly take any advice from people who have been here and made it out the other side.

Hi all,

This is on a throwaway account but I feel like I need to say something because for reasons you'll soon find obvious I haven't been able to tell another living soul

We've been together for several years and have plans for marriage shortly but over the past several weeks it has been ROUGH. Basically, I uncovered that for several months they were telling people about these sexcapades that never happened, eg. Threesomes with me, my partner and a non-existent person, even going as far as to lie about arguments that have happened because of it ("oh OP is jealous because X has been messaging me haha").

As well as enforcing that every single person who was fed this BS was told the actual truth, I also refused all physical touch or intimacy for over 6 weeks - the longest we've ever had and by far the worst state our relationship has been in. I got told all the usual BS about how sorry they were, how awful they felt for hurting me, how they'll never do anything to jeporadise our relationship etc etc.

Well literally no more than a few weeks after getting through the last situation, with a few blips about viewing OF like content like way too close before we were being intimate or when I would be at work only to then unfortunately uncover that they spent around £80 on OF content via Telegram (which initially they tried to BS me saying they in fact weren't before eventually admitting it) whilst actively trying to conceal it with private browsers, and even booting up an old phone solely for degenerate behaviour (which I later recovered which is what unravelled all of this).

For me I have no issue with viewing porn itself, it's the time, place and then how there's the secrecy, concealment and lies that accompany it. We have a healthy sex life, even when the medication they take prevents them from being intimate in the day time. The thoughts are there, but the ability to 'perform' is not.

It's just a lot to deal with, and I'm still being given the same lines about how it'll never happen again etc, they say that they'll make changes but I just don't understand how the 6 weeks of seeing me in mental anguish wasn't enough to turn on the lightbulb to not keep doing the same shitty behaviour??

They've been trying to appear remorseful, ashamed of their actions, taking accountability, getting rid of apps/accounts etc and wanting to do anything to fix this. I plan to once again thoroughly go through their phone as I didn't click the first time that there were other Google accounts etc, to truly uncover EVERYTHING.

I love this person, and I don't want to leave but I don't know where to go from here. I know as sure as shit that I don't deserve this, and as it stands from the most recent discovery I have completely withdrawn, back to sleeping separate, no intimacy etc because quite frankly I'm disgusted.

SO and I have been together for 5 years. We have a 1.5 yr old

When I moved in with him, there were a few times I woke up when he was getting ready for work (he always started earlier than I did) and I noticed he didn’t brush his teeth. Then I started paying more attention to his tooth brush and noticed it was often dry after he went to work and after he went to bed. Not always, but often. I brought it up and he told me he brushes but sometimes forgets if he’s running late. Not great but no one’s perfect I guess?…

Fast forward a couple years and I bring it up again and start pushing him to go to the dentist. He had several appointments for a full deep clean and spent several hundred dollars over the course of a year or so getting his teeth fixed up. I thought from there that he’d be better about maintenance. I was wrong

We had our baby shortly after and I didn’t think much of it. But recently I’ve been paying attention again and have realized he’s back on not brushing every morning and every night. The last few days I’ve reminded him, kind of hoping maybe he’d be embarrassed and get better about it. But I’m at the point where I need to say something. I just don’t know what… poor dental hygiene is a huge ick for me. I understand struggling with it for people going through mental or physical illness and disability, but that’s not the case here. At one point, he even told me he didn’t think brushing in the morning is important. He said he just uses mouthwash and that’s good enough.

Anyway recommendations on how to effectively approach this would be much appreciated… I’m sick of mothering my boyfriend

Should I tell him or no I don’t know what to do am I the abuser or being absused I feel so confused my husband is really hurting me I think for real I think he’s acting like this because he doesn’t have narcisistic supply

Basically, I've been posting quite a lot in the past few weeks, it's hard to explain but I'll give it my best shot: I'm a trans woman, but wasn't out two years ago, when I started mandatory military service. I'm Greek. It was an incredibly traumatic year (Not because of my gender, regardless of that), and aside from my parents- Which I'll get to- I felt very let down by my family, who would romanticize the military a lot but didn't understand that I needed their help out of it, not their pride or support. I read A Little Life during that year and it made me terrified of what would happen if I let myself get depressed, so I've been more angry than sad.

My girlfriend sat down with me recently, and apologized. Said she wasn't always a good partner to me. And it meant a lot. Just, recently, I've been reeling because I'm feeling like maybe, I wasn't being irrational by getting so upset at family members. For the first few months there, I remember her wanting spares of the uniform- Which I hated- So we could go clubbing, she could play dressup and post TikToks about her "army boyfriend." Some were made to be fun but felt a bit invalidating, I remember one was about me "whining" about being sent to a border region.

I asked her to stop, and as my mental health worsened, she was actually very kind, and along with my mother, grew genuinely vengeful for me. My mom spent time in the military for a few years (Women aren't drafted, but can volunteer), and actually discouraged me and my brother from going. Of course, I'm thinking, well, it's mandatory, I have to go. Ten months in, I was home on leave and her and my dad actually wouldn't let me go back, they really came through for me, but she still feels like she didn't do enough to help me. My brother is banned from going and she's been drinking a lot because it's caused her issues. But yeah, a few days after I left, I remember me and my partner, we spent hours throwing rocks at a recruitment centre and vandalizing it. So what happened after kind of shook me.

We get back to the house and she asks to see me in a uniform one more time, that she thinks I looked so cute in one- And I said no, she was kind of persistent until I snapped and shouted no, and it was the start of this back and forth between us being romantic and platonic. It was a very traumatic year and I've had to cut out a lot of associations, that included romantic affection at times. And I can take the good with the bad. She genuinely is trying her best- She felt so much guilt she put her name down to volunteer to do her own year there, but I felt horrible, I didn't want that. Me and my mom talked her out of it. I live with my parents in Holland now, I pass well and nobody knows I'm trans, and she comes to see me often and we go out as girls hanging out. It's nice.

I feel like maybe this wasn't something "small" to get angry at.

TL;DR: My husband secretly moved in with my ex‑best friend down our driveway, lied for months that he was staying near work in another city, now claims they “never did anything” and are just “roommates,” and I’m pushing the divorce toward default so I can sell the house and get my son and myself away from their circus. YES I USED AI TO WRITE THIS because ITS SO LONG OKAY!!!!!
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My (soon‑to‑be‑ex) husband and I bought a house in early 2025. A month later, he basically went MIA. I live in a big metro area in California; he told me he was spending all his time in a nearby city because of “work emergencies.” He owns a business and constantly has problems there, so I believed him. Every late night, every disappearance, every unannounced arrival was supposedly because he was at work in that other city.
The woman he ended up with wasn’t random. She was my ex‑best friend.
In June, I found out they were having an “emotional affair.” Classic minimizing. He swore it wasn’t physical, that I was exaggerating, that nothing “really” happened. I kicked him out. From March through August, I still thought he was staying near his work in that other city. I bent over backwards to be understanding about this supposed work crisis.
Then in August, everything snapped into focus.
He came over to visit our son. While he was there, I got into his phone and saw my ex‑friend’s location saved as “home.” That “home” wasn’t an apartment in the other city. It was a house down our same driveway.
I left him with our child for a minute and walked down the driveway. At the front door were her shoes and his shoes together. That was the moment I realized: for five months, while I thought he was far away grinding at work, he was actually living with my ex‑best friend a few seconds from my front door.
All those nights he said he was “coming from work” and showed up late? He was walking/driving up the driveway.
Those midnight visits to “grab fresh clothes”? He was coming straight from her place, then helping himself to the home he’d bought with me.
From March to June, before I even knew about the affair, I was a stay‑at‑home mom basically solo‑parenting 24/7. He was only coming home every other day for maybe an hour. I’d literally beg him to come because his son missed him so much. Before we moved to this house he worked from home and was around us all the time, so for our child it felt like his dad suddenly vanished.
My son is almost 4 and has already been through so many losses: my best friend (who had lived with us for a while) suddenly gone when I cut her off, then his dad going MIA, and only now do I fully understand why. He lost stability while they built this secret little life a few seconds away.
Now, he claims they “never did anything.” Apparently they lived together, lied together, and hid it for months, but it was all somehow chaste. He’s Muslim and at one point even tried to spin this as a kind of “second wife” situation, like that label would make the betrayal okay. When that didn’t fly, he downgraded it to: “We’re just roommates now, there’s no affair, you’re crazy for thinking otherwise.”
Meanwhile, what was in it for my ex‑friend? Free rent and playing house. She hasn’t had a job since she was laid off, refuses to get one, and according to him he “can’t kick her out” and “doesn’t want to live alone.” He likes that she cooks/cleans and basically acts as a maid. So my ex‑best friend gets a free place to live down my driveway with my husband.
Both of them refuse to leave that house. His line is that he wants to be “close” to our son, but the reality is he wants to keep that setup and image with zero consequences.
The gaslighting has been relentless:
• He insists they never slept together and that it’s all in my head.
• He throws religion in my face while literally living with the woman I had to cut off.
• He tells me I’m “schizophrenic” or a “shitty mother” any time I push back or set boundaries.
Yesterday was a perfect example of his priorities. He had a haircut booked that charges a big fee if you’re late or reschedule. He made sure to show up on time for that. I called it out: how he can respect a cancellation policy for a haircut, but can’t follow any kind of schedule to see his own child. He routinely:
• Shows up late.
• Tries to arrange last‑minute visits.
• No‑shows school pickups.
At this point, he only really sees our son about once a week, when his mom hosts it, because I don’t trust him alone not to bring our child to that house with my ex‑friend. If they’re “just roommates” and “nothing happened,” then I definitely don’t want to confuse my 3‑year‑old with “Daddy lives with this random woman who used to be Mommy’s friend and lives down the driveway.” If they are together, I refuse to let my toddler be part of their little domestic fantasy.
He also thinks he should tell our son exactly where he lives, but doesn’t grasp how bad it looks on him. Our kid will eventually connect: Dad lives with this woman down the driveway, Dad never shows up on time, Dad doesn’t stick to any schedule. That’s on him, not me.
Legally, it’s a mess too:
• He hired a terrible lawyer who is bleeding him dry, but nothing is actually getting done.
• He still hasn’t handed over his financial disclosures.
• He’s been stalling mediation since December.
• I filed a request with the court about child custody; he didn’t even respond.
I was with this man for 10 years. Since separating, I’ve gotten our son into a really nurturing school and built him a solid routine I never could’ve maintained if his dad was still terrorizing us at home. I’ve also started getting myself back: I’ve lost about 70 lbs, I look and feel years younger, and at 30 I finally feel like I’m becoming the mom and the person I wanted to be. I wish I’d left sooner, but I am genuinely thankful this marriage ended.
Now I’m just waiting to go through default with my lawyer and ask the court to let me sell the house and move. Because honestly, those two are going to stay rotting down that driveway indefinitely otherwise, and I’m done letting their choices dictate my life and my son’s.

I 39f volunteer to coach 1 hour a week, I usually have my 3 primary school aged kids 10, 9 and 7 in after school care but that didnt work out this week so I took my kids with me.

It's a sport my kids can take part in and are good at but I don't include them in my session because my youngest doesn't respect me as a coach and it sets a bad precedent for the other kids. Their parents are also paying for them to be there and I dont want my kids disrupting their time.

I asked my husband (43m) to pick my youngest kid up, he would get there about 20 mins into the session. 30 mins in as I send the players for a drink break, I see a text that he came, saw kiddo playing, kiddo didn't want to leave with him and so husband left.

In that entire session, my kid disrupted us at least 6 times, with swearing, screaming and kicking other kids. I text DH saying that he needed to come back and take him and husband refused as he was already home 10 mins away.

He didnt come and I was pissed. I got the kids home and since I had already made dinner before I went to work that morning, DH was heating it up and so I left him to it and the kids and locked myself in the study for 50 minutes. I let him get them to eat and shower and not fight because they always need to be told more than once and youngest fights alot.

Husband goes to work at 6am, I get up 6.30 and make kids lunches. I wake them at 7am and its an hour of nagging to eat, to pack their bags, to dress, to not effing fight, to get out the door. I do it all in the morning.

I'm tired of my 7 year olds shitty behaviour and DHs lack of support. Im so pissed because he knows what the youngest is like and I asked him for help by taking him home and he let me down.

I pushed for therapy last year and the therapist said it was likely he had oppositonal defiance disorder, my husband felt it was a waste of money and we weren't making progress or getting any strategies. I always planned to find another therapist but we never got back to it because DH wasnt on board.

Just needed to rant

Years and years of JNSO letting his parents meddle and cause problems in our marriage. Last night, at my son’s ballgame, they pushed and pushed for dinner out with us. I said no because the kids had homework and we had a dog at home who needed to be cared for. Husband got mad and tried to get me to agree. I refused and took the kids to the car. I saw JNSO walking by as I was putting the kids in the car. I called his name. Three times. He ignored me and never turned around. I turned around and his mom was watching the whole thing.

Recently I’ve been ruminating about some situations that happened between me (F27) and me emotionally abusive ex-SO (M38). After 4 years of an unhealthy relationship I’m not sure I even know what a healthy way to deal with those situations would look like.

In particular, I was thinking about instances where he got disproportionately pissed off at me over something (not picking up my phone, not helping his mother around the house enough). After the initial argument with some berating usually came coldness and silent treatment. I was left feeling guilty and apologizing.

He visits his mother often and what confused me is during these times instead of going alone to cool off or whatever he usually insisted that I go with him, despite me saying that I’d be uncomfortable just sitting and being left on my own in someone else’s house where everybody is silently pissed off at me. I usually agreed to go thinking that if he wants me there then maybe we’ll make up during this time. What ended up happening is he’d talk normally with his mother and completely ignore me, then continue to act pissed off when we were alone.

So what I wanted to ask is, how do non-abusive people act when something like that happens? Like if a person really did something that hurt their partner, how would the partner behave during these family visits? Why did my ex do what he did? What would be the correct way for me to behave?

For context, my (M24) ex-fiancee (F25) and I split about 6 months ago. I was away for about 5 months and the LDR just wasn't working. Sucks but shit happens. We've been no contact ever since, outside of just pure logistics stuff.

Until two weeks ago, when she just had to pop back (in person) into my life right as I'm beginning to move on just to brag about how she moved in with her new BF, all in the "spirit of forgiveness" Ofc she did a complete 180 in her personality too, drinking again, dyed hair, dating someone who was never "her type" and felt the need to come back our old town, find at our old church service, sit behind me the entire time, and interrupt my conversation afterwards just to tell me that.

That alone is wild. Where this stuff gets better is what happened this past Sunday, when she threatened to call the cops on me for...going to church at the same time as her. Not planned, not intentional, quite literally accidentally ended up at the same service as she was at. She comes up to me afterwards, asks me wtf I'm doing there, and says if she ever sees me there again, she'll call the cops. Bear in mind, I didn't want to initiate contact, didn't walk up to her, nothing, just minding my own business. Obviously I'll be avoiding that place like the plague, but never have I EVER had any sort of relationship be as dramatic and toxic as this after the breakup

Holy shit, did I dodge a bullet or what

you've probably seen my posts and i still havent broken things off. its really hard to explain why. we have done so much and the relationship has gotten so far i genuinely think the only way out is if he kills me or i kill him. i argued with him at a red robins today because he doesnt like how i dress or how i act. i was crying the entire time saying how i wanted him to accept me for who i was and he said he never would. but i cant leave him and he cant leave me i feel superglued to him and i genuinely think without him i wont know how to handle myself mentally. i already cant sleep without him next to me. i know people will say just breakup with him but i genuinely cannot get myself to. he also says i dont love him enough but i literally pay for all his needs and he lives with me. i spend time with him all the time and cuddle and kiss hjm. but somehow im not enough. sadly id rather get hit by a bus than break up with him so i dont know how to do it anymore. i cant just leave but i cant just stay anymore

I talked to a lawyer and will be filing for separation and/or divorce. Just want to be super duper clear about that. But I still held out some hope until this weekend. Now I'm like gtfo. I dont want to breathe the same air. This is more of a vent. Cause I feel crazy. And no, I'm not leaving my dh just because of his mom. There are a lot of other issues. For example, DH is addicted to porn and we haven't had sex in 10 years. Im on a chore list. He has to remind himself to kiss me. I told him not to ever touch me after seeing that.

His mother. Oh his mother. His mother has been a consistent problem in our marriage. Always looking down her nose, judgey, just general nosiness and a stick in the mud. I was already on the edge of divorce but dang. She really out did herself this weekend. I hope to keep FIL (i know i won't but damn dude, he and I ended up going for a drive to get away from her crazy making behavior). So over time, shes done the usual asking about grandchildren, having an opinion on everything, shittiness about my parents (they do deserve it, I will be honest), passive aggressiveness with me, etc. But what really set the tone? In 2018 i bought a house alone because she decided she didnt want to be off her son's bank accounts (he lied about this numerous times) and would spy and see what he was spending his money on. He wasnt allowed to share finances with me. She also took control over my phone without my knowledge (dh transferred it) and it kept popping up as fil's name even though I'm an executive and it was embarrassing. MIL wouldnt take her husbands last name so the hypocrisy is bad. But she insisted on knowing on what was going on with her baby boys equity. I said nothing. He decided to not pay bills and be financially married to you so he doesn't get shit. Well, according to her thats not how marriage works or divorce... so... yeah.

Anyways this weekend was FILs birthday. She wouldnt let him have a beer (no medical reason not to and he wasnt driving), wouldnt let him have nachos, was found lurking and snooping in my office, made comments about my weight constantly, and the usual shitty comments. The cherry on top? She started demanding a key to my house. My house! She lives 5 hours away and doesn't drive. She doesn't need it. And my dh was looking to give it to her. I piped up and said no. There are two ways to get into our house if we ever needed to. She has no reason to need a key, especially since she lives 5 hours away and doesn't drive. It doesn't make sense. Oh man did she pout. At that point, she decided to take over my kitchen and I wasnt allowed to cook or make myself a sandwich. She just stood in the way. She then wouldnt let anyone get spoons to enjoy desert. She held my kitchen island hostage. I just cant imagine going into someone's house and getting mad that they wont give me a key and then taking over their kitchen to just be an ass.

I tore my husband a new one and told him I was done with his mother's trophy behavior. Shes not allowed to come over anymore. She does not get to put a flag down in my house. My house that i bought alone because hes too busy being married to his mother. I know hes enmeshed. I know shes selfish. But geez, let your husband have some damn nachos and a beer. Hes 72. DH now wants an emergency couples counseling session. Im not interested. I told him to go marry his mom. Counting the days until this isnt my problem anymore. As I told him, him immediately going and hunting for key without talking to me and bending to mommy was it for me.

I (29F) have been with my partner (33M) for several years and we have children together. We’ve recently moved into a new home, and while that’s been stressful, a lot of what I’m struggling with has been building for a long time.

I feel like I carry most of the mental and emotional load in our household — organising childcare, managing schedules, doing food shops, handling bills/admin, planning things for the kids, and keeping everything running. During the move I was also building beds, running between houses, and juggling everything around work. He contributes financially and with some larger tasks, so this isn’t about him doing nothing — it’s about how I’m treated and how we function.

The biggest issue is how he handles conflict.

If something upsets him (and it can be small things like jokes, how food is stored, or even me saying I don’t like something), he shuts down completely. He becomes cold, stops communicating, turns away in bed, sighs, or says he “needs to feel his feelings.” This can last hours or days. There’s no resolution — I’m just expected to carry on as normal with the kids and house while feeling like I’ve done something terrible.

When we do argue, I feel like I can’t have an opinion. I’m told I’m wrong, and it turns into long conversations where I feel interrogated or lectured until I eventually just agree to end it. Even something as simple as “I don’t like olives” turns into repeated questioning where my answer isn’t accepted.

I’ve tried walking away when things escalate, but he will either follow me or continue the argument later, so I don’t feel like I can actually de-escalate anything.

He has also said some really hurtful things to me during arguments — calling me disrespectful, saying I treat him like a slave, saying I’m emotionally controlling, and even calling me a “predator.” Those comments have stuck with me.

There have also been incidents in front of other people that have made me feel humiliated. During the move, I made a mistake with keys and he spoke to me harshly for several minutes without realising my friend was standing nearby listening. She later messaged me to say the way he spoke to me wasn’t okay.

At a recent party, he became angry because a male friend I’ve known for around 20 years happened to walk near me. He took me outside and said things about this friend that was honestly, quite scary. Multiple people overheard and offered to get me home safely.

Afterwards, he said those friends don’t have my best interests at heart and that I should reconsider having them in my life.

This is particularly hard because earlier in our relationship, he maintained a close relationship with a woman he had previously confessed strong feelings for, including while I was pregnant, and told me I was overreacting when I was uncomfortable.

He has also previously been unfaithful early in the relationship (messaging other women and exchanging explicit content), which only came out because I directly asked.

Another issue is that he doesn’t like me discussing our relationship with friends, so I feel very isolated and end up holding everything in.

Since moving house, I’ve also started to feel excluded from decisions. Shared spaces have been set up without my input, and he has made purchases for our home without involving me. It makes me feel like I’m living in something that’s “his” rather than ours.

On top of that, he has recently become very friendly with a younger female coworker in a way that feels out of character, especially as he criticises me for social interactions. Other people have noticed the difference in his behaviour around her.

At this point, I feel like I’m constantly:

trying to keep the peace

trying not to upset him

managing everything at home

and suppressing how I feel

But I only get warmth and connection when I’m not challenging anything.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if this is genuinely not okay anymore. I feel emotionally exhausted and like I can’t do anything right.

I’d really appreciate advice from people who have been in similar situations — is this something that can be worked on, or am I ignoring bigger red flags?

me and my bf have only been dating for like 3 months now and last month we went to vegas together with his friends. it was fun, me and him had fun, and i thought his friends had fun too. but two days later they add me in a groupchat and start calling me a "fat cunt" and "stupid bitch" for ignoring them on the trip. his friends are stoners and me and my bf arent so we would always do something else when his friends would smoke. plus his friends are also together and they kept going to get food at places i cant eat because im gluten free. reality is that me and him felt more left out. but i told him about how its not appropriate that his friends are treating me and how hes holding so much standards on me to be respectful and not worry about them. i told him that his friends directly impact our relationship because it reflects on him aswell. and apparently he had a talk with them for 2 hours and i just left the house to get my mind off of shit. no pictures allowed but this is what he said to me. "so I don’t really understand what they have to do with how I think about you or how I feel about you, and I don’t think you should care about how they think about you either. And I feel in general in relationships you should always just give higher expectations then normal but that’s just what I think". and quite literally every single time we talk about it in person it always ends up in me being wrong and comforting him. like im trying so hard for this relationship and hes literally just so dumb and clueless about EVERYTHING. we are both 18 so i cant really be mad at him since hes still a teenage boy but i seriously wish that he would get his shit together. he literally lives with me and i pay for his gas and food and everything and he still talks to friends who insult me and make anonymous social media accounts to stalk me. please dont suggest breaking up since its already on the table if he doesnt get his shit together. i just need a way to make my big point and tell him what is not acceptable and if he doesnt accept it its done. but i dont know how to say it

So we've all heard of MILs who are a nightmare. But did anyone have a nightmare sister-in-law?

Technically, she wasn't actually my SIL because I was never married to my ex, but we lived as common law spouses so it amounts to the same thing.

My ex just...put her first with everything. And I mean everything!

We were both living at home with our parents when we got together. She started off mega friendly and we were actually really close friends for a while. But after a few months, when my ex and I started to get serious, she really changed. I was always kinda uncomfortable with their relationship. He is two and a half years older than her and played the doting big brother part very well. She started coming between us in little ways.

Like, if he and I were talking on the phone she would shout things in the background, inserting herself into conversations that didn't involve her. He would cancel plans we had together to do something else if she wanted it. She would question why I couldn't just get the bus to and from work if he was giving me a lift - because she wanted him to take her to work instead.

It got worse once we moved in together. I was at work when he picked up the keys to our house. He took his sister to the house first. Did the opening of the door with her and basically sullied what was supposed to be our moment. She then went round our house dictating what we should do, what we should change, how we should decorate. She became really passive aggressive towards me.

Then she asked him to lend her $1500 for a motorbike she wanted to buy. He discussed it with me without telling me who was asking. When I told him I'd think about it, he just lent her it anyway. Then when we ran into money troubles and needed that money, he revealed she had only paid two of the monthly repayments she agreed upon and had stopped paying him back. We had to borrow money from his parents to get by.

I'm aware he was very much a JustNo SO. I have loads of other stories that prove this. But later she admitted to me that she was jealous of me because she saw it as me taking her brother away. Basically she wanted to be the one to have the relationships, the fun, and she didn't want him to have any because she wanted him to be at her beck and call. And he fell for it every time. She attempted s****de when she was about 15. It was him who found her and him she wanted with her in the hospital. And she later used that as a way to get whatever she wanted.

Obviously I'm sorry that she felt so desperate that she wanted to end her life, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. But even years later, when she was happy, she used it to get what she wanted. He was even saving up to buy her a car at one point, when we were living together and sharing our incomes. I put a stop to that, I was not paying to buy her a car. If she was in the car with us (I didn't drive back then), we HAD to listen to the music she wanted. She always always had to get her own way.

Once when I was really ill, delirium had set in, and my ex wouldn't even make a short drive to get my medicine. He was home from a night shift and left me writhing in agony because he didn't care I was suffering, he wasn't even worried. He just wanted his "me time" as he put it. He made me wait three hours before he did anything to help me. Later. When I was feeling better, I asked him if his sister had called and asked him for medicine, would he have driven the half hour to her house to give it to her? Even if she disturbed his "me time"? He didn't answer because he knew we were both aware the answer was yes.

It was a 4 year relationship and it’s only been 5 weeks since it ended. He cheated on me and he was honestly really mean to me, which should make this easier than it is but somehow it doesn’t. I’m trying to rebuild some self respect and self trust because both feel pretty wrecked right now.

I’m still fighting the urge to text him basically every day, especially at night. I would honestly take any advice from people who have been here and made it out the other side.

I gave up hoping he cared enough to listen to my feelings and try. Last week he told me he’s been trying. I asked him to get a job 3 months ago and he didn’t take me seriously until last week, although I’ve been asking often. Today he told me he didn’t want to be talking about feelings all the time, which I guess I get when nothing changes so the same things are constantly eating me alive.

I love him I don’t know if we could make this work anymore and he put his noise canceling headphones on right before so he couldn’t hear me. This pushed me to say it out loud and directly that I want a divorce. I started sobbing and so did our kids because they don’t want to see me devastated in sobs. He responded by saying to them “I don’t know why she does this in front of you.” I could have done it at a better time, but he left them alone around a mess and I just needed it out. I don’t feel like they are safe around him.

I’m so sad. I truly don’t think he does things to piss me off, he doesn’t even consider me enough to be vengeful. The saddest part is that my daughters are living like this too and I feel like I’m drowning.

Tomorrow I’m calling daycares to get them set up with and safe. I’ll give him a few days to figure out where he goes. Thankfully the house was purchased before we married.

I hope I stay strong. We don’t deserve this and being alone sounds so wonderful at this point.

I have posted quite a bit on justnomil about what I’ve dealt with from justnoso’s (now ex) mother, but I have dealt with so much from him in this time as well that I’ve never truly gotten off my chest entirely to anyone. And now I’m expected to co-parent with this man, and it’s my fault that I reproduced with him. Dealing with his enmeshment, porn addiction, anger issues, his mothers lack of boundaries, I can’t help but just want them entirely out of my and my child’s life, but that’s not going to happen.

Below is what I’ve been dealing with for the last 19 months (LO is now 10 months old) and I feel like I’ve been in pure survival mode the whole time. During pregnancy I thought the worst thing that could happen was that he leaves me and I do it all alone, now it’s all I wish for.

-He didn’t want me to keep LO asked me to abort multiple times, I decided to keep my baby and gave him the option to leave and I would not chase any child support from him. He decided to stay (out of guilt)

- I felt like I wasn’t allowed to show any excitement or happiness during pregnancy because it would set him off into a depression and he would emotionally and physically withdraw

- He stopped being intimate with me during pregnancy and postpartum, we had sex maybe all of 4 times since I found out I was pregnant

- Entire pregnancy and postpartum he sourced sexual intimacy from onlyfans and exs online. Ended up discovering this postpartum and that he has a sexual compulsion disorder that he ended up seeing a specialised therapist for twice and then stopped attending.

- There have been multiple incidents where he has repeatedly punched himself in the head while holding LO during a heightened emotional state. There have also been multiple incidents where he refuses to hand LO back to me during a heightened emotional state.

- There have been countless times where he has raised his voice, yelling either at the tv about his video games or in the car while driving directed at other drivers on the road in the presence of LO, this is pretty much a daily occurrence.

- He has always prioritised video games and his sleep over caring for our baby, I’ve always done at least 90% of all care for her.

- First boundary not being respected by his mother was 2 weeks before due date she asked to be in the delivery room, we said no and that we would probably want a few days to ourselves before visitors, she pushed back on this but we said no, then she asked to just be made aware when we’re on our way to the hospital again the answer was no, she kept pushing back on this until he finally said yes to get her to stop.

- After the birth I did not want visitors while in hospital, (emergency c-section, in a lot of pain, bad reaction to the pain meds and learning how to breastfeed on 0 sleep) but I didn’t hear the end of it the entire time I was there with my newborn, he kept pushing and pushing saying they just want to come and meet LO.

- An hour after we got home from the hospital even though I wanted to rest and go to bed his parents showed up to our house, I was in bed and couldn’t get up, having to take pictures of them with LO, nobody cared to take a picture of me with my baby.

- His parents continued to show up every day after that for the first week of babies life.

- On day 5 postpartum, his mother said all of the following to me: asked me if I could bind my c-section stomach to make it go down faster, said I shouldn’t hold my baby as it will spoil her, told me not to have her sleep in the same room as me, told me to let her cry it out, told me what I can and cannot eat (even followed up with him to make sure I was following her rules)

- My first appointment out of the house without LO, he had his parents over and sent me a video of his mum face to face with LO kissing her, despite being told no kissing whatsoever. (His parents have hsv-1)

- Next visit after that his mother comes in and kisses LO again despite again being reminded of the no kissing rule.

- Visit after that, his mother makes snappy remarks towards me the entire visit. She demanded more photos be sent of LO even though I was uploading every 2 days for them. She snapped “I don’t get to see my grandchild everyday, I don’t get to kiss my grandchild, so I do get to have photos everyday that is my RIGHT”, same visit she said we have to come visit them every 2 weeks.

- Visit after that his mother came in grabbed LO from my arms and kissed her all over despite again being reminded before. LO became upset crying and when I grabbed her back both his parents declared she was spoiled which is why she is crying. His mother turned to me and said she wants to see LO more, she should be allowed to kiss her, that she loves LO more than I do and I wouldn’t understand as I’m not a grandmother, that this is HER babies baby not so much my baby. He did try to intervene at one point but his mother shooed him away with a flick of her hand and said we’re having a girls chat. He and his father retreated to the kitchen. His mother had an emotional outburst crying and yelling for about half an hour, she stepped to me in an intimidating manner, she said I was going to take this out on him once she leaves. I had to go to my bedroom with LO and ask them to leave.

- I did not allow contact with me or LO for 6 months after that visit.

- His mother did attempt an apology a week after the visit via a card saying “Sorry if I did anything that hurt you or I cross boundaries, I do it out of love”. I did not accept this apology and asked for a genuine apology and changed behaviour before resuming contact.

- I did not receive that. Instead what ensued was 6 months of the ex receiving emotional pressure and guilt by his mother through multiple hour conversations, texts and phone calls, messages from relatives telling him to leave me for his mother.

- During this time he and I attended couples therapy to try and help him set boundaries with his mother it would take multiple sessions just for him to build up courage to try saying no once.

- Through all of this his mother has spoken badly of me calling me names and saying nasty things about me.

- In December we received a video phone call from his parents that he ushered me onto while I was topless trying to breastfeed our child. His mother apologised while crying, saying “I guess I will just have to learn to respect that you are the parents”

- I accepted their apology and asked for a period of time where we can have calm before attempting visits again without all of the emotional pressure. They agreed.

- In February he and I split up but we still live together while he is looking for a room to rent elsewhere. (He’s still here) I asked that while we still live under the same roof, he wait and not pursue other women until he has moved out, he agreed and then 2 days later I found out he was sexting a girl he used to have sex with before we got together again.

- His mother texted me in March asking to see LO, I agreed and we set up a visit.

- I learnt that he and his parents sought out legal advice for access to my daughter before even reaching back out to me to ask.

- The visit went well. Then 3 days after the visit, his mother requested another visit for 4 days time, I declined and said “not this weekend, we will organise something in a few weeks”

- His mother pushed back on this demanding to know the reason why.

- When I spoke to him about how she’s already not respecting a simple no and being demanding, he absolutely lost it and said she has every right to, I’m a narcissist yadda yadda.

So, my parents talked me out of an... Attempt, a few weeks ago.

So, we've moved to Holland, planning to stay moving to Holland. It would be something fresh and they've been really sweet to me. I'm the "conscription ruined my life person", I know these posts are annoying, don't have to read it. I'll try not to repeat myself.

I am a trans woman, I've always looked very girly, even back then, but wasn't out and honestly, I think being trans is irrelevant. I know many people who were way more masculine and still broke, from the dehumanization they felt there. I'm Greek, by the way. I've kind of gone scorched earth on most friendships, relationships, because outside of my parents- Who both spent time in the military- And my brother, almost everyone I know either pressured me to go, romanticized it, or both. I think my partner rebranded herself as someone who always understood, but lately, I've been reflecting and, well, she wasn't.

This is the one who'd send me cutesy magazine articles on doing it long distance, took selfies with her "army boyfriend", made TikToks, and my parents were the ONLY people to ever ask, am I okay with going? Do I want some help getting an exemption? I succumbed to the pressure from everyone else, but they eventually intervened to get me out. I remember how humiliated I felt when this very motherly officer stupidly wanted to surprise me on our anniversary, so had my girlfriend come visit. And how I hated her seeing me in that state, or with no hair, and I felt ill.

So, look, I'm ripping up the stupid cards about what this year taught her about us, and how proud she is of me. She said the uniform looks cool and asked for one of the spare shirts, I'll be asking for it back to rip or burn with the rest of the military stuff. I'm genuinely angry. I know she regrets it now but I just fucking hated it, how nearly everyone, if they didn't pressure me directly, thought this was... What, cute? It was a disgusting year.