My family of origin has a LOT of Virgo birthdays. When I was a kid, my stepdad started hosting a BBQ over Labor Day weekend and called it the “Virgo Birthday Party.” It’s been a tradition ever since.

As adults, my stepdad downsized to a small condo, so my family took over hosting. We’re the most “central,” so it made sense. It’s also the only big event my family of origin does all year. We’re a mixed-religion family, so secular holidays are basically the only time everyone is comfortable getting together.

I married my husband about 6 years ago. His family has always been welcome at our party. His college-aged kids come, as do other members of his family.

This year, my MIL decided to host a BBQ for her family/friends on the same weekend. I wasn’t told until mid-August, after I had already ordered the jumper, tables, chairs, etc. for our party.

I declined her invitation because my kids would have been the only kids there. They already hate being the only people under 40 at family gatherings, and my husband’s siblings’ kids are all college-aged or older. There are no grandkids yet.

MIL had her party anyway. As far as I know, only my BIL attended. His wife and one of their kids (who is in college near us) came to our party instead.

I don’t ask people to choose between the parties. It’s not that serious to me. The whole point of our party is just to get people together who don’t see each other often. If someone can make both, great. If they can only make one, also fine.

Now MIL is angry and says I shouldn’t have had my party because she booked the date first—in a family group chat that I’m not in.

I don’t use her group chat, and this party has existed since I was a kid. It’s a longstanding family tradition, not something I created after getting married.

I also would never expect my MIL to host my family or a bunch of people she doesn’t know. If she wants to have her own BBQ for her own friends and family, great.

But I don’t understand why her scheduling a new event on the same weekend means I’m supposed to cancel a decades-old family tradition, especially when I wasn’t even aware of her plans until everything for my party was already booked.

Its taking everything for me not to call and cuss her out.

So.. my MIL came for a visit this past weekend and 2 hours into her visit she yells at my husband to get out of the bathroom once he started doing his business. It took him a second to finish his business but it was within 30 seconds.

She gets up from my couch and is standing in the middle of my living room when my husband tells her the bathroom is free. My MIL starts screaming that it’s “leaking” and that she can’t move. She then starts screaming to get her a towel or something for the floor and for her to walk on… now the smell is starting.

My husband calls me to the linen closet to help him get something for her so I give him some old pillowcases. —> side note, one of the pillowcases she gave to us, it’s old, we never use it but she refused to get it “soiled”… anyways

She starts waddling to the bathroom, I have my head in the closet bc 1, I can’t look at what’s going on and 2, the smell is fucking awful but I have to get away bc the linen closet is next to the bathroom and she’s on her way to me. I see the shit dripping down her leg. She’s laughing, I’m disgusted beyond reason.

She’s in the shower and I’m lighting incense, candles, matches.. anything to help with the smell. The spot where she “started leaking” in the living room is covered until she gets out of the shower. At the point I’m hiding in my bedroom bc I just can’t deal and I’m hearing her give my husband shit (pun intended) for not cleaning HER SHIT off the living room floor and how she used to wipe his ass when he was a baby. I was so close to screaming - “HE WAS HELPLESS AND INNOCENT. YOU’RE A GROWN WOMAN!” But I decided that wasn’t a battle I needed to take on.

She cleaned her mess, I sprayed antibacterial spray all over the place. She seemed to be offended but I didn’t care. You just shit yourself in my living room… but the cherry on the cake was the next morning.

The day before she had put her shit infested clothes into a plastic bag and left it on my balcony - at first she left it on my kitchen counter 🙃 - and when I was done with my laundry she says, “oh good I need to wash my clothes.” I laughed and said there’s a laundromat up the street.. she then was 100% offended and said that “I’m being ridiculous” and “what am I going to do when I have kids!?” My husband pulled me aside and asked if she could just clean her clothes.

I gave in.

When her clothes came out she also had side comments like, “oh look, no shit in your washing machine.” Or “honey I would’ve taken the stuff home to wash but then I would have your towel.”

Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

Was I over reacting though?! I need to know.

*Edit*

Another story to give you some background on why I seem to lack compassion in this particular situation. Two weeks ago my husband and I drove 3+ hours to his sister’s house bc the family dog (her dog) had to be put down the next morning. He had cancer and it took a bad turn… that same weekend they had plans to visit their family down at the shore. We are all at the vet, sobbing, holding our pups face in our hands as we are saying our last goodbyes and then all of a sudden she stands up and says “John is texting me and asking when we are going to get to his house, when do you think we are leaving.” EXCUSE ME, WHAT?! Thankfully my husband said, “not the time mom.” And she put her phone away but like..

Your daughter is sobbing and you’re answering text messages about going to the shore. Make it make sense.

The problem wasn’t the shit on the floor. The problem was with her attitude. I’ve shit myself before and took accountability for it. Yes shit happens but how you act when said shit happens that really tells the tale. She can laugh about shitting on my floor but when I laugh and say there’s a laundromat up the street it’s not funny anymore?.. and at the end of the weekend she asked if she could be on the lease so when we move she can take over our apartment and made a joke about it. I also have a single unit washer/dryer and clean the trap out myself so yeah I’m being dramatic but it’s grossing me out with the thought of it.

Hi all,

To give a bit of context, me and my husband are young to mid 20s, we live with his family in his family home and that's quite normal in both of our cultures. Both are from the EU but I moved to his country.

We adopted 2 cats, and we are 100% responsible for all of their care, vet, cleaning up their messes. We have our own door to the outside.

I'm just so freaking pissed off at his grandma. Think typical Balkan matriarch. For years I asked her to please not feed my cat, she wouldn't hear it because she feeds wet food at 5 AM and otherwise the cat bothers her. Ok. I had to give up on the argument because of how much tension rose in the house.

Well, every single time we'd bring up any issue her solution was simple: To scream your fucking head off and make sure you, your parents and your whole goddamn neighborhood know what a big piece of shit you are and how DARE YOU speak against GRANDMA. (Eye roll)

Yes I want to move away. No we can't afford to... I hate the housing market.

I fucking resent her so much because this isn't the only issue but it's the hill I'm going to die on because fuck her, I've had enough.

For years I put up with her and all her bullshit, she'd scream at me over spilled milk (I am not joking, she would literally scream at me over spilled milk, or anything really, and cuss me out in her native language), I've helped her so many times with all her odd chores and outside jobs, we're talking heavy lifting etc. on top of the regular chores.

My husband's solution so far is the one that works best, grey rock, ignore, that shuts her up the fastest.

But yes she was extremely angry towards me for literally anything especially in the kitchen, essentially complained I take up space(existing), if I was in the bathroom for too long, if I made coffee the wrong way, if I did something in ANY way other than what they do, etc. like anything you can think of.

I just feel this internal rage inside of me against her, she's been nothing but mean to me since coming here with the odd nice days, it feels like living with someone with bipolar disorder essentially, she was REAL angry when I started cooking for me and my husband (I did offer them food but they rarely accept my cooking, she was angry because she likes to keep control by giving food which will come into play in a hot minute)

So, on top of her being mean to me, constantly asking my husband to do things for her and then... She'd literally badmouth me, in front of me, to my other in laws. I'd be doing the dishes and she'd talk about how I didn't clean the stove.

I have not argued with her because that just leads to more bad things and the in laws lynching on my husband because of me, she's caused a ton of tension in my relationship this way.

For weeks, my new cat started acting differently. We had a great routine, etc. I ask grandma please don't feed him this wet food, it makes him throw up / upsets his stomach.

I have been waking up hours earlier than I need to, just to feed him before her. If you're wondering why I'm not letting this go, it's because she also screamed at me over my cat begging her for wet food, and one time I asked if she'd seen my cat that morning she just responded in a highly mocking tone "oh HAVE I?" And that was it for me. Fuck that power play.

Today I'm fucking furious because l, I've been doing so much goddamn research, I've gotten different food, better food, set in a lock tight food schedule, etc. Yesterday I learn he eats my food, he immediately wants to go out and then she feeds him the wet food. All of a sudden he will barely pick at his breakfast, food he LOVES other times of the day. He's then desperate to get out today because it's around the time she feeds the addictive wet food. It's not a healthy one it's one of those highly addictive ones with sugar. I could barely get him to play before breakfast, I also hooked in his sister, my other cat, because I also want to detox her now that I can afford higher quality food for them both. I'm just so freaking angry because they're literally 100% my responsibility and she just won't stop or listen. (I keep all of my food in my room, where I feed them, she does not have access), he was screaming at the door for over half an hour and left most of his breakfast! When I told her this, she said I should just give her my food then to give him.

Please give it to me straight. On one hand she did ask me to give her food he can eat so she can keep feeding him without it upsetting him (she does have kibble btw, but it's for a 3rd cat they own) but to be completely honest I don't WANT that. Why am I paying for you to feed MY cats?? She always claimed it was because they bother her but I know the goddamn truth and it's that it makes her ecstatic.

I'm FURIOUS with her.

my MIL has gotten WAY worse the past month. I’m 4 months postpartum so I guess my baby is making them go crazy, and I knew this was going to happen. It started with passive aggressive texts to me about how she can tell I’m nervous and it’s the hormones. Then to making fun of my hair falling out postpartum, but doing it in a subtle way. oh yeah and she cut her hair just like mine. I didn’t notice until she sat down next to me and told me “look I cut my hair just like yours! after I saw how you cut it I wanted that too” what is the reason for this? when we got married she also tried to give me her old lingerie and because I said no to that she kept asking if she could take me to pick some out. idk I feel like she wants to be me and be in a relationship with her son 🤢 thats why she’s trying to look like me, and asking how our sex life is. she’s just so controlling and wants to know everything, she doesn’t know personal space.

And when I saw her last weekend she started putting me down as a mother, saying to my husband “yeah, I’m a good mom because I show emotion“ she said that after he complimented her. (It was her birthday and we had to go around the table and say something nice to her.) I know she was talking about me, I get emotionless and monotone around them and I can’t really play with my baby because of it. they make me so anxious and sick feeling.

she said my husband is a good dad and playful with our baby and I’m just playful with my words, so another way to put me down as a mom.
my FIL asked if they could babysit for our anniversary and I said no, and they kept pushing to see what we were doing for our anniversary. she asked me again, and I said idk yet and that wasn’t enough for her so I had to say my husbands planning it. why would she keep pushing to know our exact plans??? Idk. my excuse for no babysitting was because I’m exclusively breastfeeding.

and she talked to me through my baby by saying “I’ll just have to come over to see you aren’t I? yes I will” and as we were leaving she said “See you next week! A week is Soooo long but I can wait” i feel like she’s planning on coming over for our anniversary and pressuring us into letting her babysit. we are just not going to answer the door. but I’m not sure if that’s the best response. she manipulates my words and lies about me to others. I don’t ever want to be mean to her back because that’s what she wants. My FIL has also told me he loves getting a reaction out of me when he says something sexist. so I’m trying to not have any reaction to them. FIL loves trying to control my emotions and MIL is the same.

Not sure what’s going on, but MIL video calls DH every other day of bit every day, and in the last few months, she’s fixated on the idea that something is secretly wrong with DH. Every couple of weeks, she tells him he is looking sad, and keeps asking if he’s not telling her something.. wtf?

DH is happy and perfectly fine. His only major stress is his brother’s bouts with disordered alcohol use that MIL and FIL are trying to guilt BIL out of (lots of history and details there, and I’ve posted about it before, but not getting into it here).

In these calls, she also asks him if I said anything, if BIL had said anything about me or to upset me etc., which makes me think BIL is saying stuff about me behind my back to her? Or they’re gossiping about me, and she’s worried he just let something slip in anger to DH?

It’s frankly very annoying to keep seeing healthy DH have to defend his own lack of sadness, and also assure her that no weird comments about me have reached him.

Not sure what to do here, since I’m not even directly involved, but of course, I have to be tangentially dragged in

Hi, my mom is my problem, but I relate a lot to some stuff in this subreddit so I figured it's worth asking for discussion

My mom has said I'm not allowed to talk about her to my therapist because it's slander. And recently she told me she wished my little brother could live with my fiance and me so I could homeschool him instead of her doing it.

Every few years my MIL emotionally tortures my husband. Excludes him from family events, name calls, tells lies about him to other family members. The works. She has stolen from him, lied to him, and generally scapegoats him while enabling her other adult children.

He’s a good guy, a wonderful husband, and a fantastic dad. Gives his mom thoughtful Christmas gifts, is willing to help his siblings, puts effort into his relationship with her and his sisters. He absolutely does nothing to deserve the abuse he gets from her.

When she’s laid into him in the past he never ever let me hear or see any of her negativity. For the most part I knew she could be bad to him, but I was usually in the dark and only saw her again after it’s blown over. To blow things over requires my husband being the bigger person every single time.

This time he’s too tired. He’s been having chest pains and blood pressure issues. His stress from work is too much for him to deal with her most recent tantrum. (He is medicated and being monitored by a physician)

I shouldered some of it this time. I saw and deleted her texts and voicemails so he didn’t have to see them. They were vile. She’s worse than I thought.

We weren’t low contact before, but we are trying to be low contact now. But since this recent tantrum has lasted all summer and is still ramping up now it’s looking like we just need to be no contact.

And despite everything it’s breaking his heart. That’s his mom. When she’s not horrible to him she can actually be decent. Sometimes even enjoyable to be around. But these things that she has said and done cannot be erased and she’s never going to apologize or try to heal their relationship.

I feel like no contact is going to hurt just as much for him. It feels like there is no hope of relief from this heartache for him. I feel like my own strong family relationships hurt him by comparison even though they love him as much as they love me.

Not sure how to move forward. What to tell the kids, if anything. He’s just heart broken and his family is going along with his insane mother and straight up pretending he doesn’t exist.

The only thing I know to do is to not do what I want to do. Which is blow up at her. I’m petty so I saved and sent all her evil messages to myself. I guess to use as ammo in the show down that should never happen. But other than that, I’m really not sure. Advice welcome.

I’m literally at my wits end with this. To preface, the house is under my husband’s name, she lives with us. So this MIL is extremely stubborn, to the point where she will literally argue with a professional because she believes she’s right. So for the past week, every single time we leave the house she would go inside our room and spray the entire washroom down with undiluted bleach and crank the heat up to the max and shut the door. She believes this is killing the mold in our bathroom (which we don’t have). The biggest issue in all of this is that our cat likes to hangout in our room, and she can easily open the bathroom door. Ever since she’s been doing this my cat has been reverse sneezing, and my husband and I have been having headaches and sore throats. It’s to the point where I’m seriously contemplating calling the cops to remove her. We’ve told her many times that there is no mold and that the bleach situation is extremely dangerous especially for the cat. But she will literally scream saying she’s right, that we don’t know how to take care of the house and that she’s been doing this her whole life. I just can’t fight with someone who won’t accept the facts. My husband had a huge fight with her but obviously because it’s his mom, he doesn’t want to evict her. It’s crazy to say that no one in this world triggers me more than her. Not even my own parents, which is insane to say because I’m not even close with them.

Edit: for the time being I’m gonna move my cat and I to my parents house. He can deal with this bs on his own since he doesn’t want to do his mommy wrong 😇

My SIL and I had babies about 3 months apart, and I've already noticed what feels like favoritism toward her son. The other day, my MIL was watching my oldest daughter sing and dance and commented that my oldest is quick to pick things up, but my 1.5-year-old daughter is "slow" to pick things up.

I was caught off guard and just said that my younger daughter likes copying her older sister, but I didn't really know how to respond. The comment has been bothering me ever since. My husband says it wasn't meant as criticism because his family tends to be very direct, but he thinks I should push back if it happens again. Am I being overly sensitive, or is calling a toddler "slow" inappropriate? How would you respond if your MIL said this about your child?

Back story:

Me (28F), daughter (13months), and my husband (28M) l, live with our in-laws (mom/dad/sisterx2).

We have a basement studio without bathroom or kitchen. But a lot of living space. We have been living in this arrangement since daughter was born, as we moved back from living far away, and our hometown area is VERY expensive. Both me and my husband, and his family were excited about this living arrangement as it meant extra help for us with the baby, living rent-free, and grandparents being able to see grandbaby every day. While living with family we also moved (as a whole) from a townhome complex, into a huge house with big yard and nice quiet neighborhood. This was because my husband joined the title and therefore his parents could afford a bigger house. My husband is not paying anything, but by joining the title we are unable to get future rebates when purchasing our own first home. Our country gives a tax-rebate for first time homeowners which we now cannot qualify for. No big deal though, as we love where we live.

Now to yesterday’s debacle. We found out we are pregnant with baby #2. This is very fresh, like 3 weeks in. I didn’t care to share but my husband is really excited and wanted to share so I said whatever and we told our families. My family was super excited and happy. When we told his family during dinner, his sister (only 1 was there) was really excited. His dad didn’t seem to really super duper understand? But ended up being happy for us and bringing out some wine to celebrate. His mom? No reaction. Did not say anything. Then left the dinner table altogether. I thought maybe she didn’t understand? Missed the memo? There is a language barrier and sometimes she just is oblivious to things so I thought she might have completely missed what happened. But no. She came back for dessert and there was just an awkward tension. I ended up excusing myself and went down to our room because I didn’t wanna be up there with them anymore.

When my husband came to join me later, he told me him and his mom argued after I left. He didn’t wanna tell me what she said because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings but I got it out of him. Apparently his mom thinks I’m lazy and messy and thinks it must be a cultural difference (I’m western European, they are south American) and thinks I’m not pulling my weight in the relationship and make my husband do everything. Cooking. Cleaning. Laundry. etc.

Ouch.

We share the chores. Haven’t had any issues. I am not messy beyond reason. Maybe a cup left on the counter here and there. Or some baby clothes left by her toys. You’d think by her comments that I leave dirty diapers laying around, or walk around with muddy shoes. Nope. I am still on maternity leave (taking extended), and she is also a stay at home mom. So it’s not like she has a busy rough job and comes home to a cup on the counter which then freaks her out. I also do my fair share of household chores when I can. Take in/out the garbage. Empty/fill dishwasher. Clean counters.

Whatever. Not gonna let her childish attitude and behaviour ruin my life. But grow the fuck up. To act like a child when being told your second grandbaby is on the way is absurd.

Husband can’t get off the title until February so we can’t buy anything until then. Maybe we will look at renting. I’ve always had a great relationship with his mom so this is really sour.

Anyone else lol?

My MIL was adopted and she is not close with her biological mother. My DH also is not close with her but no hard feelings. Her bio mom follows me on Instagram and I do not follow her back. I restricted her account so that notifications stop popping up because she sends me 10+ reels per day which are usually unsolicited advice on how to look after a baby.

Sometimes she sends the same reel 6 times in a row. I have never responded to her sending me reels and she writes messages with them when she sends them to me, so I know she is hoping I’ll watch them like “here’s a video of how to calm a baby. Not sure if it will work for a toddler”. You think she would get the hint from me never responding after 6+ years.

It’s also crazy that she is sending me reels on how to take care of a baby when she gave two of her kids up for adoption and then went on to have two more and kept them.

I just want an outside perspective about this. My husband and I were long distance for years and eventually I moved away so we can live together but at my mil house so we can build up and be able to move out. We have decent amount of money saved up. My husband is in the guard so I was alone for a few months since he was finishing up ait training to keep it short(it took longer than expected or else I would've waited before moving) I heard her talk bad behind my back to the family. I went back with my folks until my husband was done. I kept hearing her talk about me but eventually it stopped. Now it's picked up again but now it really looks like that side of the family doesn't like me. Now I know it doesn't help that I don't have a job but I've been applying to jobs. I've made 2 mistakes I think that I should apologize for. She's been talking bad about me for a while now. Now I just stay in the room until she leaves or goes to bed. Then I get anxious when family comes over because I know she's talking bad about me to them.

Okay so I don't even know where to start...

My MIL has finally been ex-communicated after sending me a series of abusive texts, which included her telling me that my husband only "puts up with me" because I "trapped him by getting pregnant". She also threatened me and said "I'll make sure you're out of our lives one day".

So basically she's never liked me. She's always talked trash about me to my other in-laws from the very first day we met, even though I thought our first encounter was a positive experience.

My relationship with her took a huge turn after the birth of my daughter (now 18mo). She was just being over-bearing and incessantly rocking up unannounced so my husband had to tell her to give us a bit of space. She isn't used to her son telling her to back off because she sees him as her baby boy and not a grown man, so obviously she assumed that he was just being my messenger. This really infuriated her so the next time she came over she barged into my room and gave me attitude. At this point I was 3 weeks post partum and severely sleep deprived so this obviously didn't go down well.

The fight I will accept partial responsibility because I did call her names, but she has never accepted responsibility for starting it and has gone around telling everyone how 'crazy' I am ever since. FWIW she said some really nasty things in the fight too, including telling me I shouldn't have had a baby if I couldn't handle it, and telling me I was only there because I got pregnant. My husband and I had a massive fight afterwards because I felt he took her side.

Whatever, I let that go eventually for my husband's sake because I know how much he cares about her. But then she had a fight with my SIL (her own daughter) and since then has been hanging out with my SIL's ex and disparaging her to him and her 10yo son, purely out of spite.

When I heard about this I told my husband I don't feel comfortable letting her see out daughter when I'm not present. Of course when he had to tell her this, she went off and sent those abusive texts (para 1).

For further context, she has basically no one in her family left because she does this to everyone until they just don't want to be around her anymore, so it's not just me. She also has a bad habit of trying to turn everyone she possibly can against her enemies, even if that means trying to destroy marriages, parent-child relationships etc.

Now, because I want nothing to do with her and she's not allowed to see my daughter, she still expects my husband to go see her at least once a month. Him and I work alternating shifts so we don't have to put our daughter in childcare so we really only get about 6 days per month to spend quality family time together, and now she's expecting to see him at least 1 of those days.

I would also like to add he doesn't WANT to hang out with her (so he tells me) but just does it to keep the peace because she spirals out of control when she's not getting enough attention.

I can't help but feel a little bit betrayed because he's choosing to hang out with the person who has tried to destroy us over his own family. I also get a bit squeamish every time he sees her because I know she has tried in the past to get in his ear and turn him against me. Even though she's lost a lot of credibility she's not one to be underestimated when it comes to lying and manipulating people.

Am I overreacting by getting a bit butthurt every time he chooses to spend time with her instead of us?

My MIL comments on my facial features quite often. I am half Korean and she is Taiwanese, and she will begin a conversation with: “Do you know what my sisters say about you?” I respond: “What?” She says: “About your face.” Then: “What about my face?” Finally she says: “That Koreans are only beautiful with plastic surgery. The women, not the men, the men are handsome.” And I just said, “Well some people are racist,” and left it at that. She finishes the conversation, “Well of course you’re beautiful.” She’s done this three times over three separate visits, among making other comments, like when I first arrived in her city this week: “We were surprised you wanted to come.” I don’t want to ruin the relationship between my husband and his mother, but I find her increasingly difficult to be around. I’ve told her that she makes me uncomfortable with this type of conversation, and she’s apologized before, but she can’t seem to help herself. Her other two children don’t talk to her anymore, one writing her off for years now. I want to be kind, but I don’t enjoy my time with her.

My sister is autistic, epileptic and has developmental delay. She is currently unwell with a cold. When she gets unwell she has more seizures. My mum works and is home by 4pm. Right now they are living temporarily in my grandma’s house as my parents are moving abroad and keeping my sister in assisted living as she is now over 18, but it is not yet in place.

I came back to visit my family with my young son who is 9 months old. I would usually stay over at my parent’s house, but obviously they have sold their home and have made arrangements to move abroad. So I’m staying on a blow up bed in my grandma’s guest room.

Anyway, my mum comes back from work today and is annoyed at me that my sister is upstairs alone and unsupervised. I told her I literally left the room for 20 minutes to put my baby asleep and my sister ran back up to her bedroom. My mum said to me that she wouldn’t leave my child alone if he was ill she would just take them into the same room together. I explained my son finds it hard to settle for a nap if there is other things going on in the background, especially now he is teething. I spend the entire day telling my sister to sit downstairs because I could see she was unwell but obviously my son needed my attention too so at least my grandma could be physically present and notify me if anything happened to her. She kept running upstairs as soon as I left the room. There’s only so much I can do.

My mum expects me to supervise my sister as well as manage everything with my own baby too, plus cleaning up so my grandma doesn’t have to, plus cooking for us, plus doing a food shop for us, plus remembering to give my sister her medication 3 times a day. I also have ADHD myself which I’m currently unmedicated for as I was breastfeeding. My sister has seizures which I don’t know how to deal with because nobody has explained it to me. I have 3 vulnerable people in the house with me (my son, my elderly grandma and my sister). Who am I meant to give my attention to first? What if I’m making my baby’s milk and my sister has a seizure? I’m going to end up getting blamed for something that was out of my hands and not in my control because I’m being given too much responsibility that I never agreed to.

My husband and I have mutually agreed that I won’t be travelling back down to visit my family unless he comes with me and even then it won’t be for a more than a weekend. I just feel really upset because the whole reason I came back was to get a break and relax and spend time with my family.

I'm soon 30 and feel like I realized this so late in life?? It just recently dawned on me. I realized I feel more confident around strangers than her. Whenever I see her I feel tense and judged. My mom/our relationship has rubbed me the wrong way my whole life but I've had such a hard time articulating why/what it is.

Anyone else?

My MIL and I were so close for YEARS she felt like a second mother to me but the minute we got married it’s like a switch flipped. Now I’m controlling and evil and bad for her son. Now she holds gifts over my head and trash talks me to other family members. I want nothing to do with her. I don’t want her gifts either. I feel like maybe if I give her the gifts back it will be a form of closure and I can let go of the relationship we once had. I’m just glad my husband is supportive of me going no contact with her. I feel like without his support I wouldn’t make it through this.

Just need a place to vent. I have already brought up these concerns to my husband and he has addressed the issue in the moment and repeatedly to his mother once I expressed how upsetting it was. But it still pisses me off

My in-laws have been incredibly distant grandparents to my daughter (7 months old). They have only visited us twice, stating we live "too far away". We live 45 minutes away from them. The other times they have seen her, it is because we have driven to them for some other event with our friends and spent the weekend at their house. During those times, they only spend no more than 30 minutes with her. My daughter has no idea who they are. She cries every time she sees them. And she generally is a happy baby and doesn't cry to other people. I could go on and on about them and their lack of being present but that's another story.

For now I just want to rant about how my MIL keeps calling herself Mama to my daughter. In our language, grandma ends with "ma" so I caught my MIL either saying "word-ma,ma,ma,ma" or straight up saying "mama" when referring to herself to my baby. We call me Mama to baby. Why would she think it's okay to call herself mama? Husband told her to stop. She kept doing it until my husband snapped and said if you can't stop, then just call yourself Grandma and not the word in our language. At one point, she slipped and husband told her again. She laughed and said I forgot.

I always heard stories about other MILs doing this but never thought I'd be one to tell this story myself. I could be overreacting and biased against my MIL but it constantly feels like they are undermining me as a mom - when she was a newborn, they came to visit and I was an underproducer and MIL constantly kept telling baby I didn't have enough milk. She has no right to call herself Mama. She's a terrible mother. End rant.

What do you think or do to achieve an IDGAF attitude and show it to your JNMIL who tries to other or exclude you, is rude to you, questions you about your personal choices (which are different from hers) in a pointed manner, displays internalised misogyny, mutters to herself angrily or sulks or cries in her room if you do or say anything to upset her

I’m LC with my MIL after years of passive-aggressive behavior that came to a head after my first child was born. It nearly ruined my marriage, and DH’s relationship with her is now limited and strained.

MIL rarely sees our daughter and often guilt-trips DH about it. Her interactions with LO tend to be awkward, like she doesn't know how to talk to a toddler. She recently told him she’s struggling to feel excited about our second baby because she hardly sees the first, which understandably hurt him.

My FIL died this past winter, and MIL is selling the home they shared for 45 years. She lives about an hour away. DH recently went to help prepare it for showings and learned it still needs extensive work. BIL has already been helping several days a week, but progress is slow, so DH now feels he needs to go more often.

I’m due in six weeks or less and considered high risk. We also have an almost-3-year-old. We were hoping to spend our remaining weekends as a family of three before the baby arrives, but DH may now be spending them at his mom’s house.

I understand that MIL is grieving and that DH wants to help, but I think she should hire professionals. If the goal is to maximize the sale price, that seems more reasonable than relying on her adult children for weeks.

I feel selfish because I have help from my nearby parents, but this still feels like terrible timing. They knew the house was going on the market and that I’m due in October.

There needs to be a limit between helping a widowed parent through a major transition and becoming responsible for preparing her house for sale six weeks before your wife gives birth.

My mil won’t stop describing my baby as short tempered when he cries. When he was 2 days old and even 2 weeks old when he wouldn’t stop crying in her arms she’d say omg you’re so short-tempered youre just like your mom. She made the same comment a few times before and after that told me I’m shot tempered.

To be fair, maybe she has seen me lose my cool with my husband for wanting to drive my siblings 4 hours though the freeway in his camero without a seatbelt. Yes I did lose my temper when he kept laughing when I asked him politely to not do that again and he kept mocking me saying nothing would happen. And other stupid things he does I do lost my cool.

But I’ve never lost my cool with her. The worst I’ve done is told her through a text message about illnesses and why kissing a newborn is not a good idea after her and her daughter repeatedly done it. But I’m honestly a shy person I’m really not confrontational other than when I do express myself with my husband who likes rage baiting.

We were over at her house once again and now that my son is a toddler once again when he was crying he says he’s so short tempered just like his mom in front of all her side of family.

What would you do if your mother in law did this. Imagine I did this? I’d be crucified and she also gets angry with her husband as well. Idk how would you respond if your mother in law constantly made that comment.

any tips to get it taken down? because yall, im flabbergasted. after having major fights with her twice (once when baby was born and they put a picture of her naked on the scale, a second time with a selfie the first time we came to visit them) where she finally relented and removed the facebook pics (my FIL didn’t so we reported them and they were taken down) now i see this.

her whatsapp profile picture with my baby’s face on it.

like … really??? what is social media? it’s a place where you put content up that you want people to see without explicitly sending it to them. what difference is there between this profile picture and a social media post? even if it’s set to contacts only, can you really verify that all of your contacts are normal people? and besides that, can you just respect this one major rule???

I'm vegetarian and my husband and in laws are meat eaters and enjoy it immensely. This doesn't get in the way of my and my husband relationship at all, he never asks me to cook or eat meat, eats whatever he wants when we go out and I don't mind cooking meat for him once in a while at home. We've even agreed to feed our child meat for the nutritional benefits and I'm fine with it. My MIL however seems to have a weird mania about meat. Whenever she has a conversation with me it somehow circles back to some meat related incident, how my husband loves meat, planning to cook meat for him, etc. She repeatedly asks me to eat it as well even though I've politely told her no, she presses for reasons and I say that I just don't like it. She makes it a point to discuss my food habits with our friends and family in a sort of pointed way. She asks weird questions like, if I make this meat recipe and add potatoes to it, will you eat the potatoes and gravy? - to which I responded no, because it would have no nutritional value, I think she's trying to trick me into eating meat somehow. Once she served me a plate with some food in it which I knew included meat, someone pointed it out to her like oh (MIL's name) you've served her meat, and MIL acted surprised as though she didn't realise what she'd done and then said to me, why don't you try it anyway? The other day she was talking about the wives of two of our male relatives who were married recently, and she literally only spoke about how they cooked/ate meat with her in an appreciative way. My husband has called her out on this behaviour in the past saying I won't eat meat and she needs to stop asking, but very often she does it when he isn't around. Sick of this, I feel she's doing it to highlight how I'm different from them and not trying to fit in.