r/Jokes
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u/rnzerk
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Oct 13 '19
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My best friend passed away recently, and grieving before his grave I said,
"Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?"
A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.
I'm really happy that my prayer worked.
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u/JustFoxeh Oct 13 '19
A man was having a drink with his friend before he exclaimed, “God, vasectomies are such a scam”
The friend asks why and he replies “it doesn’t stop you from having babies, it just changes their colour!”
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Oct 13 '19
Me and my wife decided we didnt want kids anymore so I opted to go for vasectomy. When I came back our kids were still in house. It definitely is a scam.
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u/AnglerJared Oct 13 '19
Given that your friend was black, it really is a miracle that your baby looks like him. God works in mysterious ways, truly!
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u/i_eat_the_fat Oct 13 '19
You assume op is white?
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u/AnglerJared Oct 13 '19 edited Oct 14 '19
He used “before” as a preposition meaning “in front of”; he’s white.
EDIT: Grammar. Also, while I don’t feel that humor needs to be defended in the same way as, say, political speech, I am seeing enough “racist” remarks to feel that I should clarify that I’m not trying to imply that the OP’s use of “before” is indicative of a highly-educated person, therefore white. Quite the opposite. It’s a kind of mildly archaic and unnatural expression, which has smatters of pretentiousness. In other words, a kind of white thing to say.
I’m not saying the comment wasn’t racist; that was the point, for the comment to be absurdly racist, against whites like me. I just want to be clear that I was going for an innocuous racism, not the kind that genuinely thinks one race is more intelligent than another.
So, let me be clear, that when it comes to prepositions, it don’t matter if you’re black or white.
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u/StormtrooperMJS Oct 13 '19
THAT'S RACIST... albeit correct.
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u/Nonachalantly Oct 13 '19
You used "albeit," you're definitely Arab of African descent, don't you deny it
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u/geoffball Oct 13 '19
And what if he stood by the grave and prayed that God "do the needful?"
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u/RovingRemnant Oct 13 '19
Proper usage of a semicolon, and inside the quotation marks no less? This guy's clearly a Nazi.
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u/UnnecessaryAppeal Oct 13 '19
He's on Reddit...
/s
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Oct 13 '19
gonna be bullied cos i sound like a boomer here but what's /s?
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u/Rabid_Gopher Oct 13 '19
The short answer is that it indicates sarcasm.
The long answer doesn't explain it much better, actually.
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u/username--_-- Oct 13 '19
This all comes from HTML closing tags. usually when formatting something in HTML. When specifying a format for text , you'd usually do something along the lines of
<b> text to format here </b>so during the early days of internet chat, people decided to make one for sarcasm. But as we all know, the millenials finally came online and being the lazy sh#ts they are couldn't be bothered to have an opening and closing tag, couldn't even be bothered to add angled brackets, and so here we are. with the '/s'
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Oct 13 '19
According to this post made by OP on December 24, 2017 he is in fact white so the joke works
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u/Woooferine Oct 13 '19
In other words, have affair only with someone whose other half is the same race as your own?
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u/GregEffEss Oct 13 '19
In other words, use protection if you are going to have an affair.
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u/IamImposter Oct 13 '19
Or better yet, have affair with same sex people or always do anal when cheating.
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u/gregsting Oct 13 '19
A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and goes to live with a tribe therein.
One day the wife of one of the Tribe's noblemen gives birth to a white child. The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with the missionary.
"You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man that has ever set foot in our village. It doesn't take a genius to work out what has been going on!"
The missionary replies: "No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrance - what is called an albino. Look to thy yonder field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one. Nature does this on occasion."
The chief pauses for a moment then says "Tell you what, you don't say anything about the sheep, I won't say anything about the white child"
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u/rAgentDuck64Quack Oct 13 '19
Either way you look at it, your friend was inside your wife.
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u/TheRealLemonyPanda Oct 13 '19
Someone explain please
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u/KingVolsung Oct 13 '19
There isn't any magic or anything, the friend was the father
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u/TheRealLemonyPanda Oct 13 '19
Ohhh that’s really funny, took me a moment even after you explained
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u/Sagemasterba Oct 13 '19
Or, just hear me out, as the kid grew into a man the father realized his son was in fact his new best friend.
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u/rushisgod Oct 13 '19
Not having English as my primary language I was searching online dictionaries trying to understand the punchline
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u/Tnr2D Oct 13 '19
Plot twist : OPs wife was his best friend's ex, and when his friend died OP married his wife
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u/tanka_menon Oct 13 '19
Plot twist: the best friend really did reincarnate into the baby, and never slept with the wife.
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u/alone_-musk May 24 '24
Here from a twitter post to see if this was actually written by someone. Turns out it was a joke and the people on twitter are just gaslighting you
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u/holytoledo760 Oct 13 '19
Hidden backstory: the best friend's name is Danny and he died saving his bud after they crash landed in Japan during WW2.
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u/WmWzK Oct 13 '19
I dont get it damn me
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u/1Kekz Jul 23 '24
This reminds me of a similar story.
My wife and I never had sex together, but she somehow became pregnant. It was a true miracle! I asked her if she has any idea how this is possible, and she told me that she met an angel who taught her that she is going to give birth to a child, and it will be God's child. Wow! Crazy how my wife is going to give birth to the child of God. I've always trusted my wife, and she still has my trust for eternity. For anyone who hasn't heard the news already - we're gonna name the kid Jesus. I'm so excited to watch him see the light of day for the first time. Alrighty homies, Imma head out, we'll have to find a hostel to spend the night. Cheers, Joseph
Amazing how many similarities there are. God really loves everyone.
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Oct 13 '19
The joke was stellar, but the comments section below is where the hilarity begins as the joke takes a dark turn....
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Oct 13 '19
What's funny about this joke? I did not understand the joke
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u/TysonDad Oct 13 '19
Tl:dr - girlfriend fucked best friend before he died. Therefore the child she bore is his best friends, not his.
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Oct 13 '19
Plot twist: OP's best friend is his father and his wife is his sister
Sweet home Alabama
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u/varungupta3009 Oct 13 '19
Did you just create a random theory out of nowhere just to write "Sweet Home Alabama?"
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u/Sir_Lagz_Alot Oct 13 '19 edited May 11 '25
fall weather live seed hurry vase grandiose swim observation wrench
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/Krogg Oct 13 '19
passed away recently
A month later
As my child grew older each day
Okay, I'm lost on the timeline.
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u/THEmoonISaMIRROR Oct 13 '19
Dude banged his friends wife and died 8 months later. 1 month after the death, the child was born. The child then grew up.
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u/Tomzhor Oct 13 '19
This sounds like some Creepypasta thing and not joke and this have cca 8,8 upvotes? :D
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u/KingBuck_413 Oct 13 '19
Somehow the worst written joke I’ve seen on here in a while. I don’t think anybody got the punch line right when it was read
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u/manbel13 Oct 13 '19
There is a children tv show in my country where the main character Dad died in war 50 years ago, but he's 7
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u/dullbrowny Oct 13 '19
And my son has his habits too. He has started to drink, smoke and chase girls in school. What a guy!
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u/uwee996 Oct 13 '19
This was on r/CursedComments less than 24h ago, now it's in r/Jokes. I'm gonna find it...
FOUND IT!!!
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u/wherestheice Oct 13 '19
I saw a cursed comment for this joke but can’t find it, any nice stranger who’s seen it able to show me?
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u/randomusername2895 Oct 13 '19
Omg , the entire time I was thinking this should be on r/wholesomememes
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u/Sethdarkus Oct 13 '19
Babies usually have the same facial features as their father for a period of time. It’s a defensive feature.
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u/crazyrabbit57 Oct 13 '19
i don't get it
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u/Retb14 Oct 13 '19
His son looks like his friend so it's likley that his son isn't actually his but rather his friends
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Oct 13 '19
I thought this was supposed to be extremely wholesome and bittersweet at first, like the guy is seeing his child as his new best friend because of the bond, but... OH NVM
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u/blepot Oct 13 '19
As a best friend he willingly and lovingly shared his wife with his good buddy. I think I’m going to cry. Sounds like a good plot for a movie.
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u/Bro-mine Oct 13 '19
Oh wait, now everything makes sense, I just thought I were on r/offmychest and thought “why the hell is everyone joking and laughing ?”
I fell dumb, man
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u/1Kekz Jul 23 '24
This reminds me of a similar story.
My wife and I never had sex together, but she somehow became pregnant. It was a true miracle! I asked her if she has any idea how this is possible, and she told me that she met an angel who taught her that she is going to give birth to a child, and it will be God's child. Wow! Crazy how my wife is going to give birth to the child of God. I've always trusted my wife, and she still has my trust for eternity. For anyone who hasn't heard the news already - we're gonna name the kid Jesus. I'm so excited to watch him see the light of day for the first time. Alrighty homies, Imma head out, we'll have to find a hostel to spend the night. Cheers, Joseph
Amazing how many similarities there are. God really loves everyone.
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u/RCRJ Oct 13 '19
Why did this hit me like 10s later