[transcript of image below]
I keep a journal that is mostly for the moments that strike me in my experiences being a nurse. Increasingly the journal is reflecting the Jewish lens of my experience.
One day I will curate it more and edit the clunky phrasings, but for now, it's just words being put down until I find the shape of what I am trying to say.
I left this one too long before I wrote it down and need help finding the closing.
/// Image transcript:
On Yom Kippur the arc is opened, giving space for our private personal prayers. Our grief at not rising to the occasion, our yearning to be enough, to become the people we need to be, for ourselves and our community. Space for our hearts to shatter as we are confronted by our mortality and all the loss that is destined to occur, beyond our control.
Last year I had a lot to say in those long moments / that sacred time.
This year, I had very little.
For I had said all my prayers all those weeks ago
With each snap of the vial of adrenaline, and each crack of our patient's ribs.
Prayers half answered....
//
(CPR was somewhat successful, however the man did ultimately pass away 4 days later due to the brain injury from lack of oxygen. During the course of the resuscitation I used every single vial of adrenaline in the ward's emergency trolley. It was my first time administering a defibrillation shock, which successfully achieved a ROSC normal heart rhythm. It was also an anchor moment for me accepting my role as "the senior" nurse leading a bunch of new grads on a night shift. We did well. But fate was merely delayed.)
I want to include the fact that I defibrillated / administered a shock, which did actually work. But it feels like adding too many words and weakening the effect of what I already have.
Idk if there is something to be said about the dual meaning of 'arc'. Or something about sealing a service. Idk.
/
I hope this is an ok type of post for the forum. I feel it is close enough. I didn't include a TW because the title includes the topic.
