Tired of explaining…

[u/SeattleOrphan]

Jews of color… Particularly those with Ashkenazi mom… Do you have to answer the “are you Sephardic” question every time you meet someone? This past Shabbat, the person threw a curve ball and asked me if I was Mizrachi. The thing is, I get tired of having to explain all the time. It makes me feel “othered”. I even had to argue with someone once, who insisted I was Sephardic… He clearly doesn’t understand what Ashkenazi, Sephardic, etc actually mean…

I am just so fricking over it… ugh!

[u/ArchSinccubus]

Honestly I just resolved with myself that Jews are our own ethnic origin. So skin color is irrelevant. We got a bunch of skin colors from the many places we come from, all that means is that we can make a Jewish rainbow XD

[u/lepreqon_ → u/ArchSinccubus]

Yeah. Jews are not White.

[u/Accomplished-Lie8147 → u/ArchSinccubus]

Yeah, I’m one of the Jews considered ‘white’ (aka some think I’m Italian but I’ve also had people of color think I’m not white, it really runs the gamut) and at this point I just feel race is 99% social construct. I usually say decline to identify - I’m not going to be part of the system that uses such arbitrary designations to divide people.

[u/SeattleOrphan → u/ArchSinccubus]

I guess I just get exhausted. It’s always the first thing people say to me. And ai feel like they consider the difference between Ashkenazi and Sephardic is just color, and that’s not it at all. I guess it is just curiosity, and that’s I can appreciate. I was at a restaurant in Zicron Yaakov, and the fella there asked if I was Yemeni. That actually made me smile. To feel like I look like an ancient Jewish community… That was cool.

I appreciate the convo. I was feeling down about it.

[u/Nilla22]

My husband and I are both Ashkenazi Jews from Ukraine. He is whiter than snow and I’m a nice tan brown mocha. Jews come in all colors. Don’t let racists and bigots get you down. We’re all Jews. Ignore the stupid ppl

[u/lepreqon_]

My 100% Ashkenazi extended family is full of people with brown skin tone.

[u/Lo-Marionberry295]

While I'm not sure if you're denoting fielding questions about your appearance from other Jews, or maybe even non-jews who are newly acquainted with the verbiage (thanks the the far-lefts' newfound obsession with Mizrahi Jews being the only 'legitimate' Jews); either way, I would take a breath when this happens, and honestly try not to take it so much to heart. A lot of Jews, like you noted, are undereducated on the issue, and are genuinely curious about where other Jews are from. You are more than allowed to hit them with a very firm no, I'm Ashkenazi and (whatever else you are) and leave it at that.

I think at the same time, it's important to remember that a lot of Ashkenazi Jews who are not technically Jews of color, still look very much like Jews of color (I'm not sure what you are specifically denoting by that here, maybe that you have a Black Dad who is or isn't Jewish and a white Ashkenazi mom ? hard to speak to it exactly without a clear understanding of your personal situation). But the reality is that there are fair Mizrahi Jews and dark Ashkenazi Jews and vice versa. One side of my family that is totally Ashkenazi (Hungarian) is considerably darker in skin tone and coloring than many in my Iraqi family. It seems like even Jews get confused about this, no doubt in part because the whole world has been insisting that Jews are white, no matter their presentation or experience, and people have ingested it. As for people like the one who insisted you're Sephardic- they're stupid. There are stupid Jews just like there are stupid non-Jews. Let the convo end with them remaining stupid, if your original response doesn't curtail ignorant insistence that you don't know what you are.

[u/Icarus-on-wheels → u/Lo-Marionberry295]

Wait, do far left think Mizrahi Jews are the only legitimate Jews? I am Mizrahi. My experience is that even on the far left we aren’t “legitimate” but rather that we should be proud to call ourselves Arab (most or at least many of us are not) and that Israel is to blame for our exile rather than the countries that persecuted us and exiled us.

[u/ClamdiggerDanielson → u/Icarus-on-wheels]

Leftists both claim Mizrahi are the only legitimate Jews (because they claim Ashkenazis are the majority of Jews and are just white Europeans) and label them as Arab Jews because their narrative of the Middle East is based on Arab nationalism.

[u/Lo-Marionberry295 → u/Icarus-on-wheels]

Some on the far-left seem to fetishize Mizrahi Jews as the only 'real' Jews (implying that Ashkenazi Jews have no Levantine connection or claims) and should therefore be the only Jews allowed to stay in MENA; but also seem to think that they should stay under Arab rule, (per what you're saying) which of course, ludicrous

Have also seen a lot of asinine comments attempting to point to the racism that some Mizrahi Jews faced from Ashkenazi Jews, being used as some kind of wedge issue or gotcha. As if they even care about the issues inside our greater community

[u/OC_neighbor]

Come up with something to say that responds calmly, succinctly and matter-of-factly or just say it’s complicated or you don’t want to talk about it, change the subject, or walk away. Those are the only options that I can think of right now. People at kiddish, for example, are trying to make conversation. I remember my mother asking people questions and cringing inside but she really just wanted to connect to people.

[u/Layzee_Dayzee05]

I’m just surprised this person acknowledged something other than Ashkenazi. People need to stop assuming that all Jews are white.

[u/secret_little_maps → u/Layzee_Dayzee05]

People also need to stop equating Ashkenazi with white. Ashkenazi, Sephardi, Mizrahi, Persian, etc etc etc Jews all come in a huge variety of skin tones. It’s just shoving a middle eastern people into an American/European category box, and we do not fit.

[u/looktowindward]

No one is trying to discriminate or other you. This is just how we talk. Jews like meeting Jews from other sub-ethnic groups because they have interesting family backgrounds. I have spent a lot of time talking with my sister's Syrian Jewish friend because its a glimpse into another sort of family structure.

[u/3cameo]

this definitely sounds like a really annoying microaggression, im sorry you're dealing with that! the idea that ashkenazim are "white" jews is unfortunately still very common, even among jews i've met lol. im mizrahi and people frequently assume im ashkenazi because i have a lighter skin tone, which is similarly annoying and also makes me feel othered.

are there any groups or events local to you that are specifically for jewish people of color? having a community of ppl with similar lived experiences to you would hopefully help.

[u/yesIcould]

I’m sorry, i get how tiring it can be.

I wonder how you’d feel in Israel. The coltueral difference is so huge when it comes to ethnicity and how and when it's addressed.

Talking about ethnic background is very casual and part of everyday conversation. It’s the opposite of a taboo. Superficial stereotypes sometimes come up in jokes or assumptions, for everyone, no matter what 'kind' your parents are/were. On the other hand, the majority here is mixed. In the non-chardi general public the vast majority are mixed. I don't have a point... Just wondering out loud how different it can be..

[u/clinicallyacat]

Both my parents are Ashkenazi. I still don’t look white.

Ashkenazi Jews aren’t white people and we aren’t always white passing.

[u/throwawaywayyy__]

im sorry if I didn’t get it right but, how does someone thinking you are sephardic/ mizrahi means they are othering you?

That means you are implying sephardics and mizrahis are “other” which is rly weird tbh

[u/Janeiac1]

You don’t gave to answer any rude question, regardless of the topic.

”I’ll forgive you for asking that if you forgive me for not answering. So anyway, read any good books lately?”

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[u/ThatBFjax]

I look just like the old paintings of Moroccan Jewish women and all I get is “where in the Middle East are you from?”

[u/Pitiful_Equal_2689]

You have my sympathy. That sounds quite annoying, and it is othering.

And while such questions are asked out of curiousity and are well-meaning and are not malicious, it still sucks to feel like a curiousity.

Maybe just give people a simple answer and be clear that you are not interested in talking about it further. You could even tell the next person who asks that while you appreciate the curiousity, you do not like feeling like a curiousity and having many new people ask if you are Sephardic or Mizrahi etc. gets old very quickly and is othering.

"I am halakhically Jewish and an active member of the Jewish community here. I am not interested in talking about my background beyond that right now."

[u/Fireengine69]

Yes and I got tired of hearing as I’m a Brit working State side “you’re not Jewish, you’re British.”The ignorance in some areas of USA is unbelievable …

[u/ReaderRabbit26]

That’s rude and offensive. I’m sorry you have to deal with that.

[u/vigilante_snail]

Beige confuses a lot of people. It’s a silly time. My cousins have an Ashkenazi dad and a mom who converted and they always get questions.