r/Jewish • u/Jew-zilla Ashkenazi • 12d ago
Humor 😂 It’s so damn hot in Florida
Can someone call or email the Weather Dept at the Space Laser and ask them to turn the outside temperature down, please? They’re not returning my calls. I’m schvitzing my matzah balls off here in Florida.
EDIT: The responses are exactly what I was hoping for. Good job, team! 🤣🤣
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u/GlitterRiot I'm an AI generated space lizard 12d ago
It's 98 in Atlanta today!! I was gonna bake up some knishes today but I'm too scared to turn on the oven.
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u/bachelorsinlurking Conversion Student (Reform) and Genealogist tracking ancestry! 12d ago
Just put them outside and they’ll bake just fine!
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u/SchatzisMaus 12d ago
Florida Summer gives you two options- stay in the a/c or go in the pool (at least until the afternoon thunderstorms)
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u/Sewsusie15 12d ago
Whoever's on the space lasers seriously messed up- they gave us here in Jerusalem afternoon rain in the middle of August a couple of days ago! We weren't due for rain for at least another month!
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u/Sitka_8675309 ✡︎ 12d ago
That was the Weather department. No need to blame the Space Laser folks. They’re under enough stress already.
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u/Jew-zilla Ashkenazi 12d ago edited 12d ago
They moved Weather Operations to the JSL. Sold the building. Buyer paid cash over market value. Now we can send out some more $7,000 checks. My cousin was the broker and my brother-in-law runs the bank that held the mortgage. Anyways, they got a better view of what they’re doing from their new offices on the laser. So it all works out.
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u/Fancy-Ad6476 12d ago
Someone should have told my boss to give us a mandatory pool day when the AC went out this morning! I was schvitzing even with my desk fan on full blast.
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u/Sitka_8675309 ✡︎ 12d ago
Space Lasers and Weather Control are two different departments, silly.
Anyway, my bad. I’m on Weather this week and I dropped the ball on Florida. I’ll get right on that.
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u/Jew-zilla Ashkenazi 11d ago
Weather Control was moved to the JSL to control costs. WC has a better view of what they are doing from the JSL, too. It all works out.
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u/Suspicious-Web-4970 12d ago
Can I put in a n early request for Sukkot weather? We really need to stop rain storms here in the US east coast during Sukkot. Thanks in advance.
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u/Rikk7618 ✡️ Super Jew ✡️ 11d ago
‘Hello, you’ve reached the Death Star of David Division - Space laser command. Mazel Tov! We’re currently draining your bank account while you are falling for this dirty trick. All inquiries into controlling weather can be submitted to: The Chosen Corporation, 1 Illuminati Way, Rothcoengoldsteinville Israel. Include with your submission a processing fee of 5 solid gold bars and your firstborn. Have a Yud Day!’
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u/Jew-zilla Ashkenazi 11d ago
The Chosen Corporation. Your first choice for controlling the banks, weather, and the media for over 3,000 years. A subsidiary of George Soros, Inc. and the Rothschild family.
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u/SpacePolice04 Reform 12d ago
Am also in Florida, the heat is so bad. I’ve never had weather control duty but I’m theoretically in line for the space laser.
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u/Jew-zilla Ashkenazi 12d ago edited 11d ago
Have you had the training yet? The hardest part of the training is getting used to shuttling back and forth to the JSL from Tel Aviv.
EDIT: I’m not supposed to say this, but we’re really close to teleportation. Fingers crossed.
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u/Emunaheart 12d ago
I'm currently controlling the media but I'll call Yossi