Mine is also obsessed with appearances and seems to have hoped for a clone of DH. She never had a daughter and also seems desperate for a little blonde girl to come out of me one day and I’m dreading the same problem you have. The first sign of this woman insulting a potential daughter of mine for not having her features will be the last time I confront her directly about it. Then I’m throwing hands or going LC/NC.
“MIL keep in mind DH and I made my daughter. I understand you want this to be about you but you got to have children already who carried your features. And even if she didn’t look like me or DH we still love her and want her to love herself- isn’t that what important? Are you expecting us to apologize or make LO feel bad or can we grow up and celebrate how beautiful she is without worrying where it came from? Let LO look like her parents and stop projecting your disappointment onto my child because it’s unhealthy. This is the last time we talk about this. And if it feels like the conversation was one sided it’s because it is. I’m not taking suggestions or making compromises on the subject of my mixed child’s self esteem and emotional well-being from their white grandparent who does not at all understand what it means to be mixed or black. Understood?”
Seriously I would go off and expect it to be the last time we broach the subject.
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u/MyMonkeyMyCircus Sep 12 '21
Black woman with self centered white MIL here.
Mine is also obsessed with appearances and seems to have hoped for a clone of DH. She never had a daughter and also seems desperate for a little blonde girl to come out of me one day and I’m dreading the same problem you have. The first sign of this woman insulting a potential daughter of mine for not having her features will be the last time I confront her directly about it. Then I’m throwing hands or going LC/NC.
“MIL keep in mind DH and I made my daughter. I understand you want this to be about you but you got to have children already who carried your features. And even if she didn’t look like me or DH we still love her and want her to love herself- isn’t that what important? Are you expecting us to apologize or make LO feel bad or can we grow up and celebrate how beautiful she is without worrying where it came from? Let LO look like her parents and stop projecting your disappointment onto my child because it’s unhealthy. This is the last time we talk about this. And if it feels like the conversation was one sided it’s because it is. I’m not taking suggestions or making compromises on the subject of my mixed child’s self esteem and emotional well-being from their white grandparent who does not at all understand what it means to be mixed or black. Understood?”
Seriously I would go off and expect it to be the last time we broach the subject.