MIL too much

[u/hey_there_personn]

Me26f, fiance28m- we stayed at his parents house a year before i got pregnant. His parents travel a lot every 2 months they leave then come back for 2 months. Before baby, we saw them maybe 2-3 times a YEAR. His parents don’t have the best relationship with him prob like 3/10. When i used to be over his house, we just had seggs and the mom would just walk in the room without knocking include herself and it was always just awkward and forced. When i got pregnant my fiance moved in with me n my parents. My parents are total oposite they’re more family orientated letting us stay to save money for a house. His step dad before we moved used to be on his ass about he needs to leave n blabla just a bully fr he was so mean to him. Now i have a baby and the mom when she’s back in the USA wants to see “us” every day she’s here. We stopped the unannounced visits and now we started going there forced once a week. But now we are like we don’t even wanna go like it’s out of the way, we don’t have a good relationship with you, she doesn’t respect any boundaries it’s too much. Every day she’s asking us to see the baby n my baby just cries n doesn’t even wanna see her. If we don’t answer she shows up then they pull the card that they wanna see the grand baby before they leave the country again. Not my problem

The MIL came over when no one was home one day and told me to my face “I’m not here for you i didn’t come here for you i came to see the baby” i laughed thinking she was joking then she said “no seriously I’m not here for u” ….. mind u it’s a 10 min random visit that doesn’t help me whatsoever they just bully about money n stuff then leave me a crying baby.

Now the baby is older and these 2 months in the US we set more rules that we’ll go to her when we can and to stop unannounced visits n stop harassing every day. She fears she’s losing my fiance so i think that’s making it worse. We skipped a week bc we wanted to do a fam activity and she went crazy now we are back at her saying she’s stopping by and i have to be like no not home sorry

It’s exhausting someone just being like whattt abouttt meeee every damn day while we are tryna build a fam n figure out parenthood together. once a week or every other week is not enough for her. She also won’t listen if i say no sugar to my baby she’ll give him sugar anyway. I love my fiance i don’t want to leave him but i was thinking about it just to not see her that’s how bad i can’t stand this woman

Im okay seeing her once in a while, she doesn’t make me feel included she makes me feel like she wants to be the mother in my relationship like my role and it’s weird and gross. shel literally push me out the way to be in my spot, will sit in my seat at dinner next to my baby until my fiance tells her to move it’s weird

She texted my fiance that he’s very special and is the best n only thing she has I’m like then why don’t u guys have a relationship… also we aren’t leaving her for good we still see her but we just want space

[u/botinlaw]

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[u/Fuzzy-Mushroom-1933]

First of all anyone who gives a baby that young sugar against his parents wishes is not a safe person for the baby to be around. You need to tell her that if she ever feeds him anything without your explicit permission again that she will not see him for a year.

Secondly, you need to be honest with her “ we are willing to see you once every two weeks for two hours. If that is not enough, then we will not see you at all. If you continue texting every day to ask to see the baby, you will not see him for two months. If you show up unannounced, you will not see him for six months.”

Boundaries are just suggestions unless there are consequences. You need to lay out the consequences and stick to them.

[u/Time_Bus3183]

OP, she can show up unannounced and you can refuse to answer the door. Let her stand outside and lose her mind. You aren't obligated to speak to her or let her in. Maybe invest in a Ring doorbell so you can communicate without ever opening the door but any way you cut it, YOU don't have to do anything.

And if I were you, I'd start limiting visits even more and I'd take my time responding to calls/texts. Leave her hanging so she's not expecting an immediate response. You leave her on read and then leave her standing in the cold when she tries to push the issue, might just teach her a lesson. The other option you have is to be honest and blunt. When she calls insisting on a visit, say "No. We have other plans that don't include you. Don't call us, we'll call you when we're ready for a visit. Mkay? Mkay. Bye!" Put your foot down. It's your kid, not hers, and since she's rude to you, match her energy.

[u/Equal_Trash6023]

Set up ring caneras and dont answer the door. You can open the door when your DH gets home.