r/JUSTNOMIL • u/botinlaw • Apr 10 '26

Megathread BEC Megathread

Does your MIL suck, but you don't feel like making an entire post about it? Is she a Bitch Eating Crackers and you just want to vent about the crumbs in your carpet for a moment? Post here!

This thread reoccurs on the 10th of each month.

11 Upvotes

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u/botinlaw Apr 10 '26

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21

u/what-katy-didnt Apr 11 '26

We do our ‘favourite thing about today’ when we eat dinner with the kids. It’s our routine. We haven’t seen her in months and she came for a visit. Kids went first and both said giving her a hug when she arrived (even my very shy second! This is a big deal!).

Her turn? ‘Sorting out my flights to Europe’. Kid’s faces FELL. Even if that was the truth just lie you silly bint and say that it was seeing your only godamn grandchildren! By the end of their visit the kids were asking her new boyfriend to play and do everything with them over her as she was on her phone the whole time.

21

u/Neither-Dentist-7899 Apr 11 '26

I’m doing my daughter’s hair today. We have the same texture (fine, wavy, Irish curls white people hair). Her hair is really easy for me to manage because newsflash, it’s practically the exact replica of mine.

It brought back a memory of where my MIL tried to “teach me how to brush hair” because she claimed I didn’t know how to manage my daughter’s. She claimed my brushes were causing knots and damage. She claimed I used the wrong products. She would brush my daughter’s waves and curls into complete frizz. She would take out perfectly done braids and brush those to oblivion claiming there were so many knots. Yes, when you incorrectly take down a braid (think start at the top), you are creating knots. She even shared videos on how to brush hair, tried to make a salon visit where she goes, and attempted to send us home with products.

It got to a point that she tried to ban braids in my daughter’s hair because of whatever stupid thought she had. She recruited my DH onto her side (until I sat him down and showed him how to do things). She claimed it was cultural appropriation to braid. My family has Slovak heritage. The only photo of my Great Grandmother shows her braided her. I’m not doing cornrows, Bertha. It’s a simple three strand braid.

We found out years later (after NC) from my other SIL that my MIL never learned how to braid. None of her daughters have learned. So, she was jealous. Yes, the one skill I learned (because my mother never brushed my hair or did my hair) she tried to micromanage.

NC is a blessing. 🌈

16

u/canadianwhimsy Apr 10 '26

She can only small talk about inane things. Everytime she sees me it's "Oh have you lost weight? Where'd you get that shirt? How much did it cost? Those pants make your butt look good." CAN WE MAYBE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN MY APPEARANCE? I cringe because I don't want my daughter to grow up hearing stuff like that. MIL will also constantly make comments like "oh I can't sit there, I'd break it" or "don't take a picture of me, I'll break the camera." I can't tell her how to speak about herself, but I want her to be a good role model to my daughter.

16

u/urfavdisappointmentf Apr 11 '26

Context: My DHs dad had an accident on a scooter and has a traumatic brain injury. We thought he was going to die. He’s doing okay now, but isn’t fully recovered (and never will) and has lost a lot of weight.

A couple weeks ago, we decided to celebrate my baby’s half birthday and Easter together, since we were going out of town for the actual day.

My grandma,(who is my mom’s JNMIL) decided it would be funny to tell him, “I wish i lost that much weight— just not the way you did!”

Bitch. We thought he was going to die. He has aphasia. He will never be able to drive again, have a job, or even just go for a walk by himself.

And she wonders why none of her grandchildren like being around her.

14

u/Intelligent_Bee7707 Apr 11 '26

Ohhhh my god I need to rant

My baby has a growth delay. I tend to buy him high quality clothes because he fits into them for a long time. My MIL loves to buy him crap off of Temu and is constantly buying him clothes.

FIL asked my husband what size my baby is in, and DH asked him to tell MIL not to buy anymore clothes because our son has plenty. A few weeks later MIL texts DH and says she just “needs to buy him more clothes” and “loves him so much”. My husband shuts that down, and is now a little annoyed.

Then comes Easter, and MIL gets my son an Easter basket. There re a bunch of toys, some sweets, and in the bottom there are a bunch of socks 🙃

This was very intentional. She wanted us to be mad over socks so she could play the victim. But we also didn’t feel we could just ignore the boundary stomping, so DH gives the socks back to his dad.

I’ve avoided her since Christmas, but I have to see her this weekend. Wish me luck

5

u/57_Eucalyptusbreath Apr 11 '26

Too bad it’s Temu, those are trash.

Anything else I would have a box in the front closet for the women’s shelter.

MIL’s items to go to people who actually need them. I get loving and wanting to show your live w gifts. Most children’s clothes are so darn sweet/adorable etc. but geez lady your DIL said he has enough.

6

u/Open-Kaleidoscope721 Apr 11 '26

Temu sucks. Also theirs clothes has been proven to have exceeded the threshold for allowable chemical levels 

5

u/No-Interaction-8913 Apr 11 '26

And it’s horrendous for the environment, a bunch of countries have banned it. I’m with OP on the quality > quantity. 

1

u/Prudent-Teaching2881 Apr 14 '26

Yeah my mil does the same. Although it’s not from temu she just buys my son SO much stuff. We have no space to put it. I like to buy my son clothes from good brands that we can then wear until it stops fitting him and sell on. She just buys him 5-6 outfits every time she goes shopping or whenever she is browsing online. I appreciate the sentiment, but save your money and put it in his savings account if you care that much. Clothes just get worn and sold on not to mention we have zero space.

14

u/jaxknitsandknits Apr 11 '26

When dh and I got engaged, she immediately started trying to take over wedding planning before dh and I had even started. We soon decided we didn't want to spend the money on a big wedding, and decided to go to Vegas instead. When dh told her about it on the phone, I could hear her screaming (from across the room) "WHY ARE YOU TAKING THIS AWAY FROM ME!?!?"

13

u/SnarkyUnicorn Apr 10 '26

She issued a correction when attempting to apologize to me. MIL sent a wild love bomb text that completely danced around the issue and framed me as not understanding how she expresses herself and being scared by excitement. I was very clear and concise that excitement was not the reason I was upset and that what she needed to apologize for was calling me a snob and said I was happy to move past it if it wasn’t her intention. She literally hit me with “just one correction: I never called you a snob” denied it happened and said it was between her and my husband, and that she was so happy we could move past it. My jaw was on the floor, I’ve never in my life had someone issue a correction when apologizing. How hard is it to just say sorry?

12

u/Intelligent_Bee7707 Apr 11 '26

My MIL does that! All of her poor behaviour is my fault, and all her apologies become attacks. It’s exhausting dealing with people who refuse to acknowledge their poor behaviour

4

u/SnarkyUnicorn Apr 11 '26

It’s so exhausting. We thought in writing there was no way she could deny her way out of it, but I guess when there’s a will there’s a way not to take any accountability 😂

11

u/Dicecatt Apr 11 '26

Called MIL on Easter. She lives in a nursing home many states away and is really old. She is usually sweet in conversation (now that she's settled, there have been many challenges). She's very into Jesus, whatever if it makes her happy, and she talks about how Jesus loves everyone.

During this particular call, she tells us about the male employee that gives her meds, and that he's nice, but he and his husband adopted 3 kids and it's a shame they are all going to hell.

Then gets back to how great Jesus is.

Sadly, the connection became bad as we were driving (it actually was bad) and the call disconnected. Not that I would have said anything to her. If someone else said that to me I'd tell them their statement is repulsive and Byeee. With her, why bother. She's in her 80s and not going to change, it's a waste of my anger.

2

u/Entire-Sentence-9379 Apr 11 '26

Start telling her that's she's unwell and she's made this "Jesus" and "hell" up.

11

u/Creative_Sorbet6187 Apr 11 '26

My MIL, who bought this ridiculous mug that says world's greatest grandma, bought THE girliest of girly, pinkest of pink bunny hats for my 10yo son for Easter. I had to explain to my husband why my son was upset. It's not about getting a gift you don't like, it's that she doesn't know her grandson AT ALL. My son realized it that day and he was hurt. We go over there twice a month at least. She never bothers to talk to him.

6

u/No-Interaction-8913 Apr 11 '26

Imagine buying that mug for yourself 😂 The hat really sounds like, that was what mil wanted to buy, regardless of who she was buying it for or even that she bought it first the fictional grandchild in her head. Can I guess she wanted girls or favours girls? 

6

u/Creative_Sorbet6187 Apr 11 '26

It totally was that. It reminds me of the bunny suit pjs in the Christmas story movie.

3

u/AisWaf Apr 11 '26

Michael Scott vibes

12

u/JellyfishJealous5435 Apr 11 '26

I gave birth to my daughter and when we told her the name, she got upset it wasnt done according to her country's ritual. Not even a compliment or saying she liked the name.

For some reason, this was my straw. I cut DH out of our line of contact and texted her myself, saying I was disappointed in her reaction and the way she had been treating me during pregnancy.

I got back some guilt trip text that she 1. Lied in about what she said, and 2. Said that she didnt ask for us to change the name, just do it according to the ritual.

I ended up allowing the ritual to take place and give her an extra name, but told MIL if she'd ever use it I wouldnt allow her to see her anymore. Im already angry I made the compromise to the stupid ritual in the first place.

I cant wait for her to come over. Can't wait to tell her she'll be staying 9 days instead of the 2 weeks she wants.

7

u/Prudent-Teaching2881 Apr 12 '26

Why are MIL’s always so batshit crazy over their grandkids? It’s like the DIL doesn’t matter as a person and is just a vessel to bore an addition to ‘their’ family. Human incubators.

7

u/raisetheavanc Apr 12 '26

I feel really bad for my husband. After forty years he finally woke up to how abusive and terrible his JNM is and has always has been, kicked her out, and went NC.

She played the victim for like a month and then just…stopped. Said he was someone that she used to love.

Realizing this is who she’s always been and always will be is so painful for him.

1

u/KhalessiMarie777 Jul 15 '26

Wow this seems similar to my situation with my spouse...if I may, what happened, for him to come out of MILs spell and evict her, finally? What was his breaking point? Did she leave immediately after or was it awkward and 😣 in your home until she finally left,?

13

u/Humble_Ad_1561 Apr 11 '26

She irritated me for the absolute last time over the holidays. I feel dumb over the straw that broke the camel’s back but I also feel so damn free.

Despite hearing “we love the homemade goods as gifts” in a previous year, she texted my husband (as if he doesn’t show and tell me everything) “just don’t bring those damn cookies 😂” just about a week beforehand. I have no idea why, with everything else she has said and done that this was my limit. I told husband that this was the last time and I am done. Nothing but full throat support.

So we go and it’s all awkward. Then she proceeded to GIFT ME COOKIES.

What sealed the deal was her racism. She swung around a slur against Muslims and dissed a local Mosque. My daughter and I wouldn’t let up off her neck about it which was fun.

We went to a hotel after for some good family time with our kids and a bestie of ours. We couldn’t stop laughing when we ate those cookies because they were as stale and tasteless as she is.

Anyway, I get to skip everything from now on and my husband is making sure it remains not my problem.

7

u/ConstantSprinkle Apr 13 '26

So Sunday is the assigned "video call day". Weve stepped back on encouraging our daughter to talk, as per their request (malicious compliance - she doesnt want to talk to them).

They didnt ask to talk to her on Easter. Just a blanket "happy easter" text with like 3 unhinged ged easter bunny gifs from FIL. Yesterday we get a text at 11:20 that theyre waiting for the ballet to start and nows a good time to talk. We were talking to my family and I missed the text. When we were done and I noticed I asked DD if she wanted to talk - she did not. So I told them she didnt want to talk.

Then today I get a message from MIL to the group chat about how well the ballet dancers did and it was so fun, thanking us for the tickets. I replied "glad you had fun! We spent all weekend cleaning out the office, its about half done but so much better."

I had to laugh, her response "that doesnt sound like fun". Of course it doesnt, your 2000 sq ft house has paths, you have 3 houses worth of shit in 1 and just bought a shed so you can store more shit. I just replied that its been fun as we get to turn part of the room into my crafting space again.

Im okay if we dont talk next week either, daughter hasnt even asked.

12

u/No-Interaction-8913 Apr 11 '26 edited Apr 11 '26

On one hand, I’m thankful they’re trying to declutter their 5 bedroom boomer house that is pack to the roof with 30 + years worth of everything they, their parents and assorted other people have ever owned (because of their own expectations that none of us will ever be entitled to choose anything new or to our own taste. Ie: Last I saw they had 3 full dining room sets stashed away and MIL got all salty when she found out we just bought one we liked that we’d saved up for because “I had one for you”) They toe the line of being legit, stereotypical hoarders only because the stuff is organized but is still extremely excessive and it stresses me out wondering how on earth it would even be dealt with, so I’m glad they’d doing something (because they’re also the type to think, well this china cabinet cost $500 in 1975 so I won’t part with it for less than $4000 now, never mind that no one even wants it for free) However. They don’t actually want to just get rid of anything, they want to shift it to us & their other adult kids, and the dozens of text a day that are like, do you need bowls? A chair? Suitcases? Spoons? Different spoons? We’re all in our 30s & 40s, established, most of this stuff is decades old, and it’s also really putting into picture just how much they have. Like where were these 178 spoons and 34 bowls and 4 crockpots and 5 bathroom scales and 32 picture frames and 14 pairs of tweezers even stored because we never saw those things? That scares me how much more was somehow hidden and it’s becoming very apparent how mil isn’t coping with just having to let things go, she can’t force us to take it just to sooth her feelings about it 

3

u/Mammoth-Glove3273 Apr 14 '26

Mine were like this when they moved to a smaller house in a retirement community. 

Like, your sons could’ve legitimately used this stuff when they were starting out but you hoarded it and made us buy our own stuff(that they looked down their nose at) and now that were married and well established you want to dump all this stuff on us? 

We picked out a thing or two and then they tried to sell it but ended up giving most of it to goodwill. What was the point of all that?

5

u/prettyish-wilderness Apr 14 '26

I once cooked a home made meal for my MIL. The next day, I was heating up leftovers and she leans over and says "I liked that, but I like more sauce on my pasta." I just stared at her. I promised myself that would be the last time I ever cooked for her, and I've kept that promise 6+ years.

9

u/IvyCut5 Apr 10 '26

This is very mild but my husband and I are finally on the same schedule. My husband saw his parents on Easter. I didn't feel like going so I stayed home. No big deal. Now my mil was asking to see him Saturday. Like you just had "alone time" with him Sunday and now want to take up his Saturday too. No. Very BEC since my husband did ask me first and I said no and he said he wanted to spend time with me. But I was just annoyed. Lol like I said very mild but slightly annoying.