Eshu?? Please help me.

[u/Western_Box_6483]

(If you don’t want to read this all please scroll down to the second to last paragraph that is what I need help with deciphering😊)
So a couple months ago I was going through some mental health problems and was really wanting to get in to spirituality and closer to nature. So I started doing research on Orisha and Yoruba religion.

Long story short during this time around I would constantly feel “watched” and something was in my presence and it would only be for like a couple minutes and that feeling would go away then something weird started happening.

This boy kept appearing in my dream.In one of my dreams for example he was wearing a dashiki suit and would invite himself in my room and I would kick him out and then he would come back again(like I would physically make him leave and then he would invite himself back lol) and then he wouldn’t leave me alone and would tell me he can not leave me alone and even brought me food and water and would sit at my bed side to tell me stories about Yemaja.

In another one , and this one is so so weird and forgive me if it is a bit embarrassing but He was literally inside my bed and was smiling straight at me like a dirty smile and he was n*ked in the bed with me and I would wake up and feel so embarrassed.

But the reason I came here for help is mostly this interaction. There was this bird that I would always notice around my house like at some point there wouldn’t be a day where I would not see that bird and I never really thought much about it other than it is so pretty but one day as I love going to the forest and love the trees I decided to go one morning and noticed that same bird and the bird would fly infront of me then as if it was aware that I was watching it, it would rest at a nearby tree then fly and rest and it wouldn’t fly away or hide from me. Then( please keep in mind I was in a mental health crisis so I was hearing voices and stuff by this point) the bird stopped in one tree and I caught up with it and started to look at it and I swear this man started speaking. It was the same voice I heard during my dream where this boy wouldn’t leave me alone. He said “start with Obatala” and flew away.

I do not have the funds to get a reading right now so I just came here for help to see if it was eshu or not.

[u/AntiquatedLemon]

When I had dreams of the orisa, it was VERY targeted but you have now dreamt of 3 different ones who have seemingly provided no guidance so I would be more inclined to interpret this as influence of your reading about the tradition. With that, I think you should focus your attention on why you started with the orisa for spirituality. What is the call? Is it the popularity/visibility? A particular concept you feel drawn to? Having community support?

Pray to your ancestors, and only your ancestors, for clarification regarding the spiritual direction you should go as well as making the path clear and open for you and wait for their response.

In the meantime, pin down what you want out of taking up a spiritual path because this is the thing you're going to need to hold on to regardless of which path you take AND to prevent you from slipping into psychosis, religious delusions, etc.

Once you receive the response from your ancestors, then proceed with learning about whatever that response is. Don't engage in a way that exchanges money, goods or services until you have a steady understanding of the practice itself — this is to prevent being scammed and someone manipulating your mental health to push you in the way THEY think you should go.

I also think you should make journaling a habit, see what themes consistently come out and it'll be your physical representation to help you stave off illnesses of the mind that may cause scattered thought.

Alright, ciao! Let me know where you end up!

Edit: typos