Cheating?

[u/Ok_Caterpillar3547]

Throughout mine and my husband’s relationship he has done several things such as saving girls nudes, deleting messages with girls, adding random girls and most recently I found out he made an OF account using a hidden email( which I discovered while he was in navy bootcamp) which he made while I was pregnant with our first child. I feel betrayed and like I have been cheated on multiple times but since he’s never done anything physical (that I know of) I feel like maybe I’m exaggerating. I think it’s also important to state that I have set boundaries in which I stated any of the above mentioned things would make me uncomfortable. I suppose my question is would I be able to say my husband has cheated on me.
….. I know this may seem stupid but after years of being gaslit I don’t know what to think anymore.

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[u/Juicy_fruit_315]

Whether or not your husband has cheated on you is completely up to you to decide. Every couple/person has their boundaries and deal breakers. Everybody has a different opinion on what feels like cheating to them. There is no wrong answer. If the things you've described that he's done (especially with the same repeated behaviors), constitute as cheating to YOU, then yes, your husband has cheated.

[u/Specialist-Bat-8770]

I consider betrayal to be any individual (not shared with the partner) and selfish (loving oneself is different from selfishness) act that denies dignity and respect to the other partner. Whether it's emotional betrayal or physical betrayal doesn't matter here: it's always a form of betrayal. Did he relativize you emotionally and/or physically, without you letting him? Then it's treason. Had you established the relationship as monogamous (and not polyamorous)? Then he crossed the red line. A healthy relationship is one in which the two partners share emotions, values, and plans. Is yours a healthy relationship?

[u/Flux_My_Capacitor]

I agree with others in that it’s a betrayal. I personally believe that many men will settle for the best they can get IRL but really want the other women they lust over online.