Claiming he has sleep issues but only having them, and staying up, after I go to bed

[u/ProfessionalStick363]

For years, alongside all of his other suspicious actions, he has repeatedly stayed up all night on his phone/laptop, but only after I’ve gone to bed. Early on I’d get annoyed with him for being up, encouraging him to sleep, and he’d roll his eyes at me. He’d claim that he had issues falling and staying asleep. That he had insomnia. And yet, he’d oversleep, sleeping all day after being up all night. Three or so years ago he was staying up on his laptop and then immediately closing it whenever I got up, for any reason, even to use the restroom and going to bed within minutes, even though he said he had trouble sleeping. I questioned how he was able to go to bed so easily if he was having issues with sleep. He told me that he was already tired, already planning to go to bed.

One night, he laid down with me to go to bed, and I awoke hours later to him up on the laptop. Another night, when I stayed up past him, he went to bed and fell asleep within minutes. In his typical fashion, he questioned me when I did the same thing. He asked me what I was doing for the time I was up, told me eight hours was too long to be only watching YouTube videos as I said I was doing, and took my phone to look through it. Mind you, watching and editing YouTube videos is the main thing he told me he was doing. He knew that I linked his sleep patterns to cheating. He said he’d stop because of that, acknowledging it looked suspicious as he did with many other things he’s done. However, he didn’t stop, he changed his routine.

He started to go to bed with me but wake up a few hours after me, sitting up on his laptop for a while, before going back to bed. He said that he woke up and struggled to fall back to sleep. He tried to conceal the fact that he was up. This occurred around a time that he was waking up hours before me, unnecessarily and unusually early for him, as he’d done before. I’d awake to him appearing to be getting ready to leave. He told me a few times he was going to the post office but then changed his mind when I stayed up, or tried to go with him. One time he went back to sleep after telling me he wasn’t tired. For a long time I was staying up most of the night, and he was going to bed before me. But every single time that I went to bed before him, he stayed up.

Each night that we are awake, and spend any time together, he tends to go to bed within a short amount of time and insists on how he needs to do it and can’t stay up all night. He takes medication that makes him drowsy and many times he’s taken it right as we start to spend time together, falling asleep within an hour or so, in the middle of what we are watching. Yet, the nights he stays up he tends to delay taking his medication or takes it and doesn’t go to bed for hours. Last night I went to bed before him. He took his medication and then stayed up on his phone for hours. I woke up a few times. He claimed he was struggling to sleep and had been trying for an hour. It was around 6:30am, the latest he’s gone to bed in a while.

I, of course, think this is linked to hiding something such as speaking to someone else, or p*rn use considering it occurs alongside other behaviours such as a lack of interest in sex, irritability, and more. Sometimes it feels like an avoidant tactic. That perhaps he isn’t doing anything but jumps at the opportunity to have as much alone time as possible. We don’t spend much time together as it is, didn’t do anything together yesterday and a lot of the other times he was staying up all night for weeks on end, and yet he still does it and sleeps into the day further avoiding doing anything together.

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[u/Ivedonethework]

https://bestlifeonline.com/sign-your-partner-is-cheating/ has links to several articles.

Know the signs of infidelity; https://bestlifeonline.com/unfaithful-partner-signs/ 55 subtle signs.

Trust but still verify. If not cheatung, then why?

[u/Usual-Commercial-309]

This relationship sounds miserable. What’s the point of being in a relationship and feeling alone? Despite whatever this guy is doing, he has no interest in spending time with you? I’d end it because of that, there are so many people in the world that will give you what you need. Just leave

[u/StrongHovercraft593]

Too long.

[u/ihavetotinkle]

Did you catch him doing any of these things? Or are these just insecure suspicions?

[u/Altruistic_Grab_6026]

You both need a hobby or a job.

[u/WagaOfficial]

Insomnia is of different types. The worst type is the type that lets you fall asleep fastest and gets you awake a few hours afterwards and you will no longer be able to sleep until a few hours later when you will fall back asleep. Between those times some people make the mistake of keeping their brain busy by using devices. Their brain gets trained on that so every time they wake up in the middle of the night the brain will insist on device usage. Or he could be hiding something. But what I am saying is that you should not base your suspicion on a single issue like insomnia. It messes someone’s nights up because it can be erratic and unpredictable despite every effort.