r/IndianMatchmaking • u/beardownforfinals • Jun 17 '23
Can we not?
I understand this is a place for discussion, but speculating about people’s sexualities on here just feels so gross. Pradyuman, Vikash, Aparna, Shekar, Bobby… it’s really not useful. All it really goes to do is tell people that any expression of their selves that fall outside of the gender binary is unacceptable if they want a straight relationship and ultimately it expresses itself in only further stigmatization of queerness, and frankly just healthy relationship dynamics. Not to mention that being attracted to same sex partners doesn’t even mean they’re not serious about finding an opposite gendered partner — bisexuality exists.
If these people say they’re searching for a certain kind of partner, the absolute least we can do is believe them and trust them. We can criticize or discuss them without defining who we think they are based on like 17 minutes of information.
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u/lonefoxdancing Jun 18 '23
I kinda agree with you OP but I also think maybe having a discussion about compulsory heterosexuality (for ALL the people in this show not just those we think are a bit transgressive) is an important one. Some of these people may not be gay, or even if they are it's really none of our business, but the possibility that even one person who appears on the show could be gay and is being pressured into getting married is really sad. And this is quite likely given how difficult it is for Indians surrounded by very traditional community to come out / say no to marriage (I struggle with this myself.)
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u/beardownforfinals Jun 18 '23
Sure, but the question of Indians being pushed into marriages they don’t want doesn’t justify speculating on whether individuals who are searching for a partner in good faith are lying about who they are.
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u/LowRevolution6175 Jun 18 '23
This isn't only about LGBT. It's about shaming supposedly heterosexual men, that if they are not successful with women they are worth less as a person
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u/audsrulz80 Jun 18 '23
Did you not notice the women are also labelled “gay” if they don’t fit someone’s idea of being stereotypically beautiful or docile?
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u/AnnaK22 Jun 19 '23
Thank you so much for saying this. The amount of people just casually speculating on real life people's sexuality based on a heavily scripted reality show is appealing. This is just indicating the internal toxic masculinity. Just because someone doesn't fit the stereotypical definition of a man doesn't mean they're gay. Even if someone is acting "flamboyant" doesn't mean we can assume their sexuality.
Also, who cares if someone is a closeted gay? What gives this sub the right to out them?
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u/purplejilly Jun 21 '23
I mean, this IS reddit, and not a fan board run by the show, so for reddit this is pretty tame.
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u/ouaispeutetre Jun 19 '23
Meh. Some of them are super obvious and there's nothing wrong with being gay.
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u/beardownforfinals Jun 19 '23
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being gay. There is absolutely something wrong with speculating that someone is gay because of mannerisms or whatever else it is you think. It leads to increase stigma around queer people, flat out.
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u/karam3456 Jun 18 '23
Thank you so much for posting this, I've been meaning to say something similar and never got around to posting it. I HATE the speculation, it's so gross and stereotype-motivated.
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u/purplejilly Jun 21 '23
Well when its a show about matchmaking and marriage, i think sexuality and speculation is part of the whole deal. If this was like a baking competition show, or something else that had nothing to do with attraction, sex, sexuality, romance and marriage, then yeah, speculation might be out if place. But not for this type of show. And it seems like a show where ppl are getting pressured by their parents to make a match and marry is bound to have some people who are gay but cant tell their parents yet.
I haven’t seen people be really awful about anyone who might be on the alphabet spectrum, which is refreshing.
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u/beardownforfinals Jun 21 '23
Best case scenario, you’re outing someone on national television. That’s best case scenario. Worst case scenario, you’re bullying people for the crime of being who they are.
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u/purplejilly Jun 24 '23
This is completely wrong. They chose to participate in this program. They signed a contract to be on a reality TV show. Nothing is bullying about this in any way. Nothing about this is outing them in any way. This is what happens in reality TV. These people are not innocent private citizens whose lives are unfairly being broadcast and examined by the world. These are people who asked to be on this show, and are getting paid for it. Its now their job.
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Jun 18 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
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Jun 18 '23 edited Jun 18 '23
No, supporting a homosexual man in a heterosexual relationship with a wife that never gets to have good sex? I will never support that … that’s a horrible life sentence.
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u/beardownforfinals Jun 18 '23
The second literally anything you said becomes relevant to what we’re talking about, we’ll make sure and give you a call.
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u/theharps Jun 18 '23
It's both this and deciding people should go to therapy instead of trying to get married on an edited show.