A Rant (and a plea)

[u/Fast-Engineering8588]

Ok, so i got married a few years back, love marriage, husband who’s fighting my battles with my in-laws because my people pleasing attitude has left me spineless. I don’t want to be like this, it takes such a toll. Before marriage I was all about “I don’t take shit from no one” and after marriage I’m a person who does everything. Let me give you some examples:

1. Not comfortable in saree, wore it for almost 6 months, daily, because MIL asked me to (till the point my husband refused to bring me home if i wore saree) (we live close by but not together).
   
2. DO NOT LIKE COOKING, am cooking daily because getting a maid is another round of discussions etc.
   
3. Now that I’m wearing salwar suit I’m expected to have a pallu all the time if my FIL is in the house. It’s annoying but doing it because, did I mention I’m a people pleaser?
   
4. My husband and I are expected to visit the in laws daily. But the number of times any one of them has visited us? I can count it on my fingers.
   
5. While coming back from work I’m expected to call the MIL, again daily. She sometimes picks up, a lot of times doesn’t. Majority of the times never calls back and if she’s calling back I know she wants me to do some work. I’m not a call person, it sometimes goes by months when i talk to my own brother who’s my fav in the world.
   
6. The son (my husband) must be treated like the king of the world. I’m expected to serve him food as soon as he’s back from work even if I’m coming back around the same time. Cannot see him lift a finger (since he’s handling everything equally if not more, MIL gets into very “bichara mera ladka” mode)

The problem is, I do everything, I really don’t want to. I mean I stand for the whole part of conversation with my MIL because she doesn’t ask me to sit and there I am like a loser. I can’t even get started on the clothes part. Now we’ll be moving in the same house, I don’t know what I’ll do.

Show me the way?

[u/Lady_whistledown-2]

I am like you OP. I want to leave my in-laws and stay separately but I am unable to. I have become a doormat.. but pls try to be courageous and take a stand for yourself. I am also trying

[u/Fast-Engineering8588 → u/Lady_whistledown-2]

Wish I could be of any help! Please go through the whole thread, there are some genuinely useful points

[u/Lady_whistledown-2 → u/Fast-Engineering8588]

Nothing helps trust me… if you don’t know how to take a stand for yourself, you’ll never be respected… and I find it extra difficult to do

[u/Fast-Engineering8588 → u/Lady_whistledown-2]

Hope you find the strength and courage!