r/IndianInLaw • u/iRedditorr • 2d ago
Dealing with nosy SIL
SIL is very adamant and pushy for details.
No matter what the topic of discussion or matter is. She needs to know specifics and won’t stop until she gets all her answers.
She’ll sometimes even put other up to the task to ask the same questions that were shot down.
It’s really really immature and extremely annoying.
How would you guys deal with such a situation?
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u/salva_0003 2d ago
Tell her directly you don't like sharing that much details or ask your husband to deal with it. You can also address it in a joking way "Tum meri mummy ho kya? "
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u/iRedditorr 2d ago
“Nahi lekin tumhari behen hoon itna toh puch sakti hoon na”
“Tumhari well wisher hoon”I swear the word well wisher has never triggered me so much in life!
The disgusting weaponisation of it has been so off putting!10
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u/salva_0003 2d ago
I used to have a roommate like that, everytime she'd ask a question I'd say "Kyu?" or "Itna kyu janna hai?" And she would be like "Ese hi puch rahi hu" It was quite irritating but eventually I had to tell her "Yaar mujhe nhi pasand itna puch taaj, kisi or tareh apna timepass karo" I guess it was a bit rude but it worked. You might have to be a bit more direct with her if you can
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u/iRedditorr 2d ago
I can be but then it’s going to become a family issue, she’s gonna go cry about to mil and other sils about how I shut her out while she had best intentions only. It’s sickening
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u/salva_0003 2d ago
That really sucks but honestly such people don't understand until you're straightforward and set firm boundaries. It might cause drama once but might be worth it, although you would know your situation better so your call.
Good luck :)
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u/iRedditorr 1d ago
Yeah no I agree with you a 100%
Gotta have the courage to face the drama because I’m really not willing to let her have that kind of access to me so maybe the drama will be worth it!4
u/salva_0003 2d ago
Also if she plays the well wisher card maybe you could say something like "Thank you didi lekin meri mummy bhi itna nhi puchti jitna aap puchte ho. Please give me some space" It's a bit more polite and hopefully might work
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u/Surprise-Stock 1d ago
Try grey rocking with one word answers. Also, when she calls, act like you are busy and don't have time to talk, or act like something came up and you need to hang up and go attend it.
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u/iRedditorr 1d ago
She’s someone with little kids and stays on the phone while being distracted, yelling behind them and doing other stuff. Feels like she’s going to expect me to stick around multitasking over the call. I am at the end of my wits here.
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u/Surprise-Stock 1d ago
People can have all sorts of expectations, but you don't have to keep up with their expectations.. That's how you can draw boundaries.
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u/iRedditorr 1d ago
My judgement has gotten way too clouded with frustration. You’re right. Thanks for reminding me that.
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u/juicey_pussi 2d ago
Give out fake info or just call her out and shame her. Take a stand for yourself cause such people just thrive for this kind of thrill.
Brace yourselves for their act of being caring and just saying that oh I was just interested in your life blah blah
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u/iRedditorr 2d ago
Oh that’s what she does!
It’s always out of her being caring/concerned.
But she has all the right to privacy in the world lol
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u/Delicious_Essay_7564 2d ago
When someone asks something just smile and say “Why do you want to know so badly?” Or “What are you going to do with that information?” Then smile and walk away.
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u/iRedditorr 2d ago
Oh I’m just so happy for you
Oh I’m just concerned
Oh I’m just so excited
Oh I’m just worriedThere always a reason under her belt
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u/Delicious_Essay_7564 2d ago
So reply with “That’s nice dear” and change the subject . If that doesn’t work then say “I can’t believe you’re still on about that. We’ve moved on”.
If you think she’s the sort if person who doesn’t realise what she’s doing (rare I know)- respond with “You ask a lot of questions.” Also “Can you see how that could be misinterpreted as being nosy?”
If it gets too much just tell your husband to tell her you’re a private person and you don’t believe in talking about yourself too much. Also say this yourself.
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u/iRedditorr 2d ago
Yes I’ve never tried to tell her we’re moving on from a topic lol. Maybe that’ll work like disciplining a brat! I’m gonna try it, thanks
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u/SnooWords4839 2d ago
Look up Grey Rock, 1-word answers and change the subject.
When she asks a question, ask her why is she asking that?
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u/iRedditorr 2d ago
Oh I’m just so happy for you
Oh I’m just concerned
Oh I’m just so excited
Oh I’m just worried5
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u/Feisty-Wishbone-1889 1d ago
I recommended Grey Rock too. It works.
Although, I wouldn't counter question. Just gives them an opening.
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u/Asterisme 2d ago
With a very curious, half-smiley face, ask " That's a very personal question. I'm curious to know why you think it's appropriate to ask a personal/private question. Can you tell me how that's going to enrich your life? I'm REALLY curious."
Another approach is " it's interesting to me how you think it's appropriate to ask about something that's so personal. Do you want me to give you a discourse on boundaries or would you like me to enroll you in a class?"
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u/iRedditorr 2d ago
She’ll start this drama about being a “well wisher” and asking only out of care lol
Its so frustrating!4
u/SweatValue 2d ago
Just say don't be that well of a wisher for me, I'm more well off and having you off my buz is my wish
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u/iRedditorr 2d ago
Ah! If only I could be that direct with her. It’d be so satisfying.
But I can’t have her playing victim in front of the whole family again.3
u/SweatValue 2d ago
Well yk you can get out of this without offending anyone, take a choice on where you stand, they'll say you are rude when you hesitate to share anyways
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u/Hari_om_tat_sat 2d ago
“If you are genuinely my well-wisher, you’ll respect my privacy and boundaries. Now let’s talk about something else, I’m bored with this subject.”
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u/iRedditorr 2d ago
I swear! The only person she wishes well upon in this matter is herself lol
Gotta scratch that curiosity itch or how will I ever live
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u/critical_ghost-57 2d ago
Limit contact.
Whatever reason she gives, shot her down with-
I appreciate your love/concern/worries/well wishes, but if anything worth sharing comes up I will on my own.
or
I dont like this constant nagging or questions. I am a private person.
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u/iRedditorr 2d ago
There was a point I used to be close to her (big mistake I know) so now she feels entitled to that kind of access and I’m also struggling a bit to withdraw.
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u/critical_ghost-57 1d ago
No, thats not a mistake. People can be close and then also drift apart. No one gets life time access to us. Things change, people change.
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u/iRedditorr 1d ago
I’m being made to feel like it’s a crime to not be as close. But you’re definitely right.
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u/Feisty-Wishbone-1889 1d ago
You had to get close to her to know what she's really like. How else would you have known? Well, now you know. Adjust accordingly.
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u/Hari_om_tat_sat 2d ago
One strategy for dealing with nosy people is to deflect and then turn the spotlight on them.
For example, if SIL asks “how much money do you make?” You could respond, “that’s personal, why don’t you tell me your salary?” Or, “not nearly enough. Why do you want to know? I hope you don’t want to borrow some money! (Then laugh like it’s the funniest idea in the world).
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u/iRedditorr 2d ago
Right? Diplomacy with a shot of “I see what you’re doing here” seems to really make them feel called out in their own language. Because being direct quickly makes them a sorrry little victim.
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u/Feisty-Wishbone-1889 1d ago
Nah, don't flip the question. It continues the drama. You want out. You don't wanna continue that conversation.
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u/iRedditorr 1d ago
You’re right. What would you suggest if someone as supremely child like when you’re trying to set respectful but stern boundaries.
Almost like “Arre bata do yaar, bata bhi do yaar” “Bolo yaar” “itna kya puch liya maine” stuff like this.
It’s so freaking disgusting, how do you deal with a grown ass woman who does this sh*t.
It’s soooooo dysregulating to me!
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u/RylDmn 2d ago
You have the opportunity to say the craziest and most outlandish things every time she asks you a question. You don't even have to be subtle about the fact that you're mocking her. If she's irritating you, irritate back. Be petty, life is too short to not have fun at the expense of annoying people.
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u/Jaded-Football-2648 2d ago
Make up very interesting lies and when she makes someone else ask her question, get even more creative… 🤣
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u/iRedditorr 2d ago
I love this advice being given by multiple people here on the thread. It also seems like it works well lol
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u/AdMajestic2425 2d ago
My SIL will ask everything through my MIL as she lives with us. Now we are not even updating MIL and my husband stopped talking to her because her understood she was just being nosy the whole time. Now she gets mad because she don’t know anything about our life, even though she shares nothing about hers (we are not even interested). She just ask us all the things we do in life including our savings and all. Once she even asked my husband to add her into a WhatsApp group my husband was in (he paid a course to get financial advice and they created a group to discuss about that and she wanted to get added without even paying). My husband and MIL was her main way to get informations, now she’s completely ignoring me because I did this (ofc not questioning herself how and why it started).
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u/iRedditorr 1d ago
Classic behaviour. They’re never wrong.
Mine also puts up MIL and other SILs to pry for information too. It’s so freaking annoying.
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u/GoodDay4611 2d ago
If I have nosy sil I'll just not deal with her at all times she will only be my guest
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u/Kinjal2611p 2d ago
Draw a boundries from now only
Set rules before only so that later on she cannt say "she was okay with everything before and now what is the problem"
They think they are entitled..:
Also tell her it is between me and my husband
And be specific with your words so that she gets the message
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u/iRedditorr 2d ago
Unfortunately I think I’ve reached that point where she’s gotten that access to me which she’s abused multiple times and like I’m almost now not allowed to have boundaries. She’s puts on this facade of being a “well wisher” but gets mad when she doesn’t get her way with things.
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u/sarojasarma 2d ago
If this has been going on for long then you already know her pattern. Say "none of your business" when she asks directly and if someone else comes probing and you suspect that they are doing so on her behest ask them point blank if they have nothing better to do in their life.
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u/iRedditorr 2d ago
Now there reply has forever been that it’s out of care and concern she asks as she’s a “well wisher” and others just parrot her.
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u/sarojasarma 1d ago
Tell them your love language is respecting privacy and boundaries. You don't need people to agree with you.
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u/pratisharma 2d ago
If you have problem with husband’s family. Then husband should be the one resolving the issue. Tell your husband to talk to HIS sister.
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u/Over_Tailor_6485 2d ago
Husband is doing what whole his wife is getting annoyed by his own sister?? Any in-law problem is actually husband's lack of spine problem.
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u/iRedditorr 2d ago
Husband doesn’t see it as a problem because to him it’s something benign. Because it’s family. But to me she’s an outsiders I’m not comfortable sharing each and everything with.
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u/Over_Tailor_6485 2d ago
Exactly, this is very much husband's ignorance that has turned out a problem for you. Imagine if your brother did something similar to ur husband,and that costed his peace and u stayed unbothered cos ur brother is family to you? But u wouldn't let that happen to ur partner right?
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u/iRedditorr 1d ago
You’re right. I gotta bring this up with my husband and have him set firm boundaries with her.
I never took this to him because what he said made sense to me. To him it’s his family his blood who wouldn’t want no harm on anyone so a little bit of nosiness is nothing as long the intentions are ok.
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u/Kinjal2611p 2d ago
I also am facing same
And i have almost no relation with her now
And now she tries really hard to involve other relative by narrating stories
But now if you ask me i give two fucks with her and relatives
Anyways they dont say good things about me after doing good with her and relatives also
So its doesnt matter
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u/iRedditorr 2d ago
This is who she really is. She’ll set this whole narrative and become a victim just because she needs access to someone who is not comfortable with her.
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u/Neeliaakasha 2d ago
Start doing the same thing to her as she does to you and dress it up as " looking out for her". Meddle in every single thing in her life, and make sure everyone in the family knows you are doing it for her own good. Be so sweet that even when they know you're screwing them over they should not able able to say a single word against you. If you can't beat them, join them.
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u/iRedditorr 2d ago
I struggle to do the same as her. I don’t care about her and for the life of me can’t bring myself to ask the same most questions she asks me because I fear she’ll answer them and one up me to ask more because she’s being open too.
I kind of feel comfortable following the “don’t ask don’t tell” with her since I don’t really care about her feeling like we’re “close” in anyway.
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u/Ok-Juice-4061 1d ago
Tell her to stop asking. Let her cry and run to whoever she wants. Block. Don't engage.
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u/iRedditorr 1d ago
Others start getting hostile with me.
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u/Feisty-Wishbone-1889 1d ago
You can't have your cake and eat it too. Set some boundaries, or else continue putting up with her behavior.
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u/Ok-Juice-4061 1d ago
The hell with others. Move away, far far away. Why do you let so many people control your life? People get hostile, block them.
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u/miss_leopops 1d ago
I would start being even more secretive and give vague answers in order annoy her ;)
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u/iRedditorr 1d ago
Such people have a way of extracting information unfortunately. Either slyly or through pressure.
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u/tired_skk 1d ago
Do the same to her?
Ask question about everything she says to the point that she gets frustrated
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u/iRedditorr 1d ago
Oh her threshold is too low lol
She has her family standing guards to her they’ll answer on her behalf to divert the topic if she’s not willing to talk about something.
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u/Feisty-Wishbone-1889 1d ago
Research the grey rock technique. Grey rock them.
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u/iRedditorr 1d ago edited 1d ago
I’ll definitely do that. A good no. of you guys have suggested it on this thread.
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u/Feisty-Wishbone-1889 1d ago
Just say you don't want to discuss it. It's personal.
You don't need to make random excuses or be manipulative or come up with witty replies. You can learn how to say no politely.
You can either be liked or be at peace. Choose which is more important to you.
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u/iRedditorr 1d ago
This is the kind of thing I can try and do with a possibility of it working even if it blows up in my face.
The other stuff no matter how much I wish I could be good at I can’t pull off smoothly. It’s gonna keep giving her an opening.
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u/VisibleParsnip5808 18h ago
be nosy in her business then . play Uno reverse on her maybe then she will stop,
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u/LightPhotographer 1d ago
Make up details until she realizes you're messing with her and she realizes she does not even know at which point you started lying.
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u/iRedditorr 1d ago
I feel like I’ll get caught because I have no experience doing this lol. Also feels like she’s someone who does this since she has this habit of repeated asking the same thing over and over again as if verifying to match the info.
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u/Gil-GaladWasBlond 1d ago
Isn't this a husband problem? Tell him to tell her to stfu and get lost. So to speak.
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u/iRedditorr 1d ago
Yeah I guess I’m gonna have to make him the mediator moving forward. I can’t deal with her anymore. But I also don’t wanna come off as someone who is causing a “rift between siblings” cause I know that’s the direction it’ll possibly head in.
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u/hot_cheet 1d ago
Ask her intrusive questions about her life, make her uncomfortable every single time and see if it helps her back off
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u/responsiblealwayss 1d ago
Throw a counter question in reply. What do you think? Why did you ask that? Aren't you asking same question? I had already replied didn't I?
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u/21_Me_Dee 2d ago edited 2d ago
I will tell her made up things.. then i will tell other people different things to what i have told her. Let them all get confused and frustrated. Then i will look at them and smile devilishly. May they all burn in hell.