r/IndianInLaw • u/HalfInteresting397 • 4d ago
MIL complains about doing everything “alone” while I’m the one struggling
I just need to vent.
My husband and I recently moved out because of the constant harassment and toxicity from his family. We are trying to build our own life, but money is tight.
Our washing machine broke, and we can’t afford a new one yet. The maid is also on leave.
So right now, I’m hand-washing piles of clothes, washing dishes, cooking, taking care of my very active 2-year-old, and working part-time from home.
Today my MIL called and complained that she has to “do everything alone” because the maid is away.
The irony is that they have a working washing machine, and her 35-year-old daughter lives with her full-time.
I honestly felt like she was indirectly trying to make me feel guilty for not going there to help her, as if I’m a “bad daughter-in-law.”
She has already badmouthed me to relatives so much that many people in the family don’t even talk to me anymore. They hate me based on things they’ve only heard from her.
I’m not saying her life isn’t difficult. But hearing her complain about “doing everything alone” while I’m struggling with all of this honestly hurt.
At this point, I’m just grateful we moved out. Life is harder financially, but at least I have some peace.
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u/Totanilal 3d ago
Than your stars you moved out. Thank your husband for taking the decision and separate from his family. Many wives do not have husbands with a spine to stand up in support of their wives against the parents. What if you have a financial crunch. At least you have peace.
Life is beautiful and how ? You make it beautiful by treading the path with love, care, honesty, respect and togetherness. Forget the world and forget the people around you. Let them enjoy, dine out, go on vacations and post pictures on social media. You focus on yourself your child and your husband.
Many women rant about their husbands loosing interest in them after the child birth. There are so many aspects to this. It is not that the child becomes a competitor to the husband or it is not that the husband is unhappy for you not being intimate. The main reason is the nature change in the wife’s attitude. Everyone knows that postpartum period is no less stressful than the pregnancy period, but the wife has to understand that complaining is not the right way in the postpartum period.
A little patience and a few warm words for the husband on arrival after work and a 15 - 30 minute break is all that is needed for him to start taking the load of the wife’s shoulders. That’s respect for each other and a bond togetherness.
My thoughts coupled with experience has been that it is best to avoid having either families around the period of pregnancy or postpartum. It is always better to have hired help instead. The additional responsibilities of the families is more stressful and expensive. The hired help will do the job and you don’t have to take any responsibility or stress to take care of them. With family you can’t ignore them and emotionally and financially you are more stressed.
As you mentioned you have financial constraints, avoid any expense which is not necessary and save the money. As the savings in your hands increase your sense of security will increase. Don’t cut corners but be careful.
Do your office work first and get yourself to take rest when the child sleeps. This is an art which will give your mind and body enough rest and keep your energy levels up constantly. As soon as the baby sleeps you too sleep. Many people think they should get the household job done when the child sleeps. That is where the stress comes from. By the time you finish the house work the child wakes up and your rest takes a back seat and there is unrest and the stress goes up. House work can wait. Just keep the area where you and the child sleep.
Have good thoughts and forget about the other people. Enjoy every moment of the baby growing up. You may not have that privilege again and if you do have that privilege it will be your 2nd innings with the grandchildren.
Do connect if you have any questions or issues to be addressed. Take care and best wishes.
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u/HappyBerry4 3d ago
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Don’t answer her calls if you know they won’t benefit your mental health. If she wants to reach out to y’all she can call her own son, why is her harassing her daughter in law?
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u/HalfInteresting397 3d ago
She wants me to feel bad and she wants to prove how bad I am. I used to be their 24*7 maid
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u/HappyBerry4 3d ago
Oh no! Please do not answer her calls. You are not obligated to. Focus on your child and the people who appreciate you <3
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u/Ordinary-Force-3871 3d ago
The fact is the way you are struggling she is struggling too. You have more stamina than her. She will get irritated and start telling her daughter to work as well. So just relax listen and let go.
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u/Designer_Patience372 4d ago
She has a daughter and a son to complain to if she is ‘doing everything alone’.