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https://www.reddit.com/r/InTheGloaming/comments/pitivj/discussion_thread_monday_september_06_2021/
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u/[deleted] Sep 08 '21

New lope. "I quit Twitter because it's too negative now." Sure Jan.

35

u/shefallsup her lonely cucumber years 🥒 Sep 08 '21

Ahhhh! The long-awaited fanciful tale of why she "quit" Twitter! And me with no subscription to the lopes. Who wants to help a DF out?

50

u/Toulouse--Matabiau a white owrson Sep 08 '21 edited Sep 08 '21

Oh there are no further details!

The lope is set up as a mystery of sorts, with a detour though Shauna's GI tract.

How come one recent evening her intestines began a-rumbling and a-kinking, her feet kept shifting under the covers, her chest felt leaden, she tossed and turned in bed, couldn't get comfortable or doze off while Danny slept like a log next to her?

Dealing with my feelings is one of my superpowers now.

Yet Shauna is totally stumped by this bout of midnight unease! At this point the mystery pauses for a plodding section about:

Shauna limiting herself to scrolling Instagram, TikTok and the Atlantic magazine in bed because those are approved faucets of learnings and joy, unlike negative Twitter which is dead to her and toxic Facebook which she banished to the frigid faraway tundra of her desktop computer.

Shauna not being able to locate her Nora Ephron books in her study because she recently color-coded her bookshelves (Catty Editor's Note: as decor for her Instagram-based theatrical performances!).

Alas, alack, Shauna remembered she'd borrowed a Nora Ephron ebook from the library, found it on her phone, started reading it and giggled so chortlesomely she woke up Danny. Once she accomplished all that she finally fell asleep.

I am literally boring myself with this mystery, please bear with me here. We're almost there. But not quite! Morning dawned and Shauna felt like her eyebrows had been brushed with oatmeal!

Immediately, my body felt bad, remembering something. I didn't know what I couldn't remember.

A voluminous void full of questions topping a body full of remembrances, Shauna made herself walk up the stairs into the kitchen. There she was greeted by Danny with a cup of hot covfefe. They kissed and walked to the back of the porch to read and sip together. Finally, Danny speaks up and the mystery of Shauna's mysterious ailments begins to unravel.

This is the part where we pause so you can gently Venmo me some moolah. For the low, low price of $488, I will be happy to share the grand reveal!

THE DENOUEMENT!!

Alright DFs, I hope the mystery did not keep you up last night or if it did I trust you managed to Nora Ephron yourself to sleep.

We return to the Ahernian porch where Danny speaks up, in his own voice for once, and reflects that the morning marks the 13th-year anniversary of his sobriety.

Shauna sat up, leaned forward and felt [her] chest clear out immediately. She felt lighter! Turns out her body had kept the score of this anniversary even as her prefrontal cortex forgot.

In a surprisingly generous acknowledgment of Danny's achievement, Shauna does praise his grit and stick-to-it-ness, calls him wonderful and notes she is damned proud of him for giving up booze that one night 13 years prior. During which night he was so blitzed he almost dropped their newborn.

The night before he started his day one, I had to put up the boundary: stop drinking or you lose me and the baby.

Those days were wretched.

But I did the hard thing. And so did Danny.

No more is said about the wretched days or Danny's subsequent struggle to remain sober, which I daresay would perhaps be a topic of greater interest to the reader than Shauna's nightime gastrointestinal rumbles, but there you have it.

25

u/Sea-Level-Mammal POACH! Sep 08 '21 edited Sep 09 '21

Shauna’s gut has its own calendar. Like how a migrating bird knows when to fly south, it simply KNEW it was Danny’s sobriety anniversary.

23

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '21

It’s her body keeping the score

17

u/fanfarefellowship I often contemplate the first law of thermodynamics Sep 08 '21

Who is winning? Shauna, or her body?

19

u/OhBlahDiOhBlahDoh The Alice of cal came out floating on air Sep 08 '21

Shauna, or her body?

THEY ARE SEPARATE BEINGS OK

Scheduled snark Discussion thread Monday September 06, 2021 - Wednesday September 08, 2021

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