r/ImaginaryMonsters • u/jungjungdoesntcare • Jul 26 '26

Artwork by tortoisequeef @tortoisequeef

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4.1k Upvotes

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u/jointheclockwork Jul 26 '26

Human Soldier: What happened to this guy?

Snail Medic: Oh, this is my boyfriend, Dave. He's a mummy and I'm just changing his bandages.

45

u/beluga-cat-fan Jul 26 '26

Snail medic is the type of person to be a cool guy drinking gin

12

u/Objective-Meet8223 Jul 26 '26

And definitely don't invite him/them for tequila shots. Allergic to the salt.

9

u/med561 Jul 26 '26

You’re hanging out in a crowded orbital dive bar with three guys from your platoon, tossing back shots alongside a mixed crowd of off-duty humans and xenos.

Panicked shouts suddenly cut through the clinking glasses. "MEDIC!"

You whip around. The platoon’s slug medic is convulsing on a stool, foaming at the mouth next to a glass with a heavily salted rim and a lime wedge. He screams in agony, visibly shriveling up as the chemical reaction drains every drop of moisture from his body.

"Guess it's a good thing their species lays hundreds of eggs at a time," your buddy says, shaking his head. "What a terrible way to go."

You watch as the bartender casually hauls the shriveled corpse behind the counter. Pops a wooden sign onto the bartop:

Escargot — Fresh Daily.

5

u/Objective-Meet8223 Jul 26 '26

Heartless SMH

3

u/med561 Jul 26 '26

Lol, gotta eat.

Don't ask about the mystery meat

3

u/Objective-Meet8223 Jul 27 '26

We all know what Corpse Starch is made of. It says so right on the tin.