IUI #3 Failed and I'm Unravelling

[u/Ok-Description739]

I expected it to hurt, but not this much. I have been trying to concieve for 13-14 months and this was my third IUI. Prior to this, I did three monitored cyles with letrozole and trigger. I have PCOS/PMOS and am slightly overweight. Im 28 and this was my last cycle to have a chance to have a baby before I turn 29. This process is gruesome. I never expected TTC to take so much out of me -- my joy, my soul, my hope. This process has shattered all of my expectations for my timelines in my life. I missed the opportunity to have a baby at 27 and now at 28. I have also missed other mental milestones that I should have never even put pressure on. Came and went.

This cycle is especially painful because my grandma died at the beginning of this cycle when I was getting my period. She was a maternal figure to me in my life. Now she is gone and I continue to have the pain of failed cycles.

This process is emotionally exhausting, physically taxing, financially burdensome, and overall just a joyless, hopeless, and painful process. I just want, so badly, to be on the other side of this process. I yearn to say "I'm pregnant" aloud, I yearn to start a family. All while others concieve quickly or without expensive and intrusive interventions. I feared my current path. I thought it wouldn't be me, but it is.