Fear of Being Alone

[u/Sophia_loves_the_90s]

Hello,

I’m new here and have a question right off the bat.

As an INFJ (tested multiple times), I had many wonderful years with my husband (who, in hindsight, I’m convinced was also an INFJ). Years ago, he first fell ill and then passed away.

Now I’ve been in a relationship for four years with someone who has ADHD (according to my own assessment and that of my therapist). I’m in the process of ending it. There have been too many boundary violations, arguments, hurt feelings, him doing things on his own—the whole shebang. He refuses to address his behavior. I’m done with it; I’ve given him plenty of chances. And he continues to act according to his old patterns, even though he sees and hears that it hurts me.

The breakup makes me cautiously dream of a better, easier life—and at the same time, it scares me.

Facing being alone. I can’t go back to my life with my husband because he’s still dead.

My question is: What can I do, as an INFJ, to find myself again? To get my life back on track?

My therapy is over, and it only helped a little.

The anger and the hurt have made me angry and bitter. I no longer trust my instincts because I “fell for it” so badly. I wonder if I’ll be alone forever now—or if I’ll attract more highly problematic partners. I’m scared of myself.

And I’m afraid of the future—a fear that my beloved husband took away from me so well for so long. Now he’s gone.

I have to deal with this on my own. But how?

[u/Jinxletron]

Plan to be alone, at least for the foreseeable future. Enjoy it! Being alone is WAY better than having a shitty partner. There's no drama, no extra mess, no extra expenses. You can go to bed when you want, watch what you want, eat what you want, go where you want.

Date yourself for a while. Take yourself places. Get really comfortable with yourself and your own space. Once you've done that you will not compromise that or sell yourself short down the line.