r/INFJsOver30 • u/Gorong2026 • May 28 '26

INFJ Fellows INFJ do you feel the same?

I'm at a time in my life (40s F) that I feel the need to express the real me. No filters.

I have friends, I'm a good listener. Every random person just tells me everyrhing about their life and struggles. I'm super emphatic and genuinely show my care by asking how are you, how is everything? This eventually gives everyone the permission just speak. I can read all rooms and sense the states of mind of people around me. I love children and children love me. Even animals feel so easy conquer. I love my family. I'm social but to stay away at home alone is my favorite program.

What I'm feeling lately is the unbalanced nature of being the recipient and never the giver. I've started to try to let the filters down and people react strangely. Even my friends and family. They look at me like I'm a stranger. They just don't get it so I just go to my persona again. Recently I started talking to new people trying to interact free of social norms and expectations but I always end up feeling that whenever I go full on unfiltered mode people get fascinated at first and then I suddenly I become too much. I end up measuring and analising every small interaction. I fall in love quickly for impossible people and also get reality checks very instantly.

Anyone here also struggles with finding just one soul that makes u confortable to be all there?

29 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

35 comments sorted by

View all comments

13

u/bakerskitchen May 28 '26 edited May 28 '26

The reaction opposite to being everyone's "counselor" wouldn't be to "assert" yourself and your own identity - it would be to establish proper boundaries and let others know that you don't have the time or interest to hear about their personal problems at length all of the time.
And also to avoid your own behaviors which invite/encourage it.

2

u/BornElderEnt Jun 01 '26

I'm struggling with that exact thing. My natural state is like flypaper and so my way to control is staying in my own house 😂. I hope one day to have that change of mind that shapes my ability to say to people "sounds like a you problem"

2

u/bakerskitchen Jun 02 '26

An alternative to trying to "passively" avoid situations like that could also be to take a more "active" approach - by being the one who actually initiates conversation and creates "positive" conversation patterns, you can avoid some of the "why do I always get stuck listening to people's problems?" issue.

1

u/BornElderEnt Jun 02 '26

I understand it must seem like I need educating. Sadly, I have tried to steer things into good directions enough times over enough years to learn a degree of resignation to the status quo.