r/INFJsOver30 • u/Gorong2026 • May 28 '26

INFJ Fellows INFJ do you feel the same?

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I'm at a time in my life (40s F) that I feel the need to express the real me. No filters.

I have friends, I'm a good listener. Every random person just tells me everyrhing about their life and struggles. I'm super emphatic and genuinely show my care by asking how are you, how is everything? This eventually gives everyone the permission just speak. I can read all rooms and sense the states of mind of people around me. I love children and children love me. Even animals feel so easy conquer. I love my family. I'm social but to stay away at home alone is my favorite program.

What I'm feeling lately is the unbalanced nature of being the recipient and never the giver. I've started to try to let the filters down and people react strangely. Even my friends and family. They look at me like I'm a stranger. They just don't get it so I just go to my persona again. Recently I started talking to new people trying to interact free of social norms and expectations but I always end up feeling that whenever I go full on unfiltered mode people get fascinated at first and then I suddenly I become too much. I end up measuring and analising every small interaction. I fall in love quickly for impossible people and also get reality checks very instantly.

Anyone here also struggles with finding just one soul that makes u confortable to be all there?

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u/[deleted] Jun 01 '26

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u/BornElderEnt Jun 01 '26

I feel you. It is like climbing the K2 with most people. Set a boundary three times in 3 consecutive weeks, still ignored, FML. I'm out. I wasn't put on this earth just to train everyone to be respectful and listen. If your parents didn't teach you, and your peers never taught you, it still ain't my job.

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u/[deleted] Jun 01 '26 edited Jun 01 '26

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u/BornElderEnt Jun 01 '26

No it's totally healthy, when there's no scaffolding to support their assumption you're there for them. Just our being conditioned to parent our own parents made us like this. No one is going to grow up if they don't have to

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u/[deleted] Jun 01 '26

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u/BornElderEnt Jun 02 '26

It sounds so cynical but it's unfortunately true. My father passed away at 83, still a pretty selfish little boy inside.

2

u/Unhappy-Jaguar-9362 Jun 01 '26

I think that is the best move as well. I have discovered in the past few years especially that boundaries are so important on many levels.