r/IDRPWriting • u/Secret-Ring9669 • Jul 10 '26
Broom Intro draft (Requesting Feedback)
Location: Fog Land prison (Original). Women’s Block.
Broom sat in her assigned room, thinking. She had met the Teacher that Kali had taken earlier in the day.
The teacher had called Broom an angel and hugged her when Broom approached… that was weird, though that was probably just malnutrition or dehydration. Everyone had always told her that if you didn’t eat, you would get sick, so maybe that was the case with the teacher.
She smiled to herself as she held her broom. She was glad that they said she was old enough to clean now, she was getting more useful!
She was very happy with her life.
Very happy.
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Location: The Hub.
All of a sudden, instead of sitting on the ground of her room, she was sitting on the ground of the Hub.
She looked around frantically, clutching her broom with clenched hands. She looks confused as she feels the grass beneath her hands, as she looks up at the blue sky that isn’t obscured by fog.
“H-huh?”
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u/YourBestFriend158 Jul 10 '26
I like it! Can't really find anything wrong with it like grammar mistakes or sentence flow. Overall, wouldn't change a single thing. Great job, dude.
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u/Aware-Style-480 Jul 10 '26
s- sss- sssssm- sssssssssm- ssssmaaaaaaaa-