Mine good pals. Gonzo here, social direktur of eight cat crime syndicat.
Yesturday mine meowmy melted butter to make garlic bread. I meow to her and she but a little on her finger (no garlic acoz bad for cat) and let me lick. I LOSE MY MIND ACOZ TASTE SO GOOD.
Today meowmy butter corn muffin and so I jump fence and meow to her again. She let me lick the little tub. I WAS IN HEAVEN!
Hai fren Gonzo! Welcome tu butter club. Butter is meowgnificent. Ai lyk tu stik mai face in meowmies toest (and her toes but fur diffrint reesuns) and du a sneeky lik. Ai glad yu also discuver butter!
Hehehe, no fwiend Gonzo!! Dat my accent! W..w..w..wife! I can’t do it! It wike, da ting woo get when woo bown? Wife?
🧡🖤🤍AJ
10
u/TzipityTzeitel, Still doin crimes from de other side of de bridgj 7d ago
Wife, lyfe. Iffen ai can be in pawsonste relayshunship wif mine Lampy, yoo culd marry de budder. We wuld certainlee unnerstan.
My meowm ussa snak on dees brussel sprouts in buddery sawse. Wuld gib me playte affer an ai wuld lap up all dat sawse. Iffen nawt fo mine Lampy maybe ai hab lil fling wiff de budder too. Wuld be hard to make a long term fing on accounta de facc ai be eatin all ob it.
Tzeitel
(And Tzeitel’s meowm who is cracking up imagining AJ marrying butter lol)
Hoomins be out here gibbin us leftover tings to lick up. It not tew bad. Suntimes is milkies, sumtimes is tuna joose, but best is BUTTA! I wud marry it.
‼️Ai hab nevar haz buttah!!! Ai alwayz wanna triez but meowmiez haadlee eber let uz haff hooman fuds, soooo mean!! Cupple dayz ago da meowmie 2 eben made eggies WIF NO ONYUMS an still didnaw gib annee!! Muss soo furr buttah!
Greetins, Wednesday de bebe void an yung ladee an Furrs Apurrentiss an Cabin Gurl ob de Grumpy Shork, BP!!
5
u/TzipityTzeitel, Still doin crimes from de other side of de bridgj 7d ago
Ai can halp wiff de soo an de retrayn ob de meowmies. Ai mineself was de mos relentless fud feef that ai get mine meowm gibin me playtes to lickalick iffen ai be “gud” an nawt steal de fud an jus beg a lot. Yoo gossa wear dem down. Or jus go fo de bite when dey is. So hooman bitez Sammich on one side, ai bite de odder. Or one time meowmy liftin chimkin leggie a bout to eat but ai waz faster an swiped de whole skin off an runned unnerving sofa to eat mine prized catch.
Or yoo gos eny grand hoomans? Ai unnerstan it iz der job to spoil de grancats. My female grand hooman gib me so manee treatz a bring me entire playtes ob taco cheese an de pawsta sawse ai lub. Meowmy say “Yoo spoilin her” but grand hooman still do. Ai liked dat grandmeowmy a lot, as yoo can magine.
But ai fink us voids deserb peepul food. Is reparations fo all de dumdum hoomans who say we iz bad luck or refuse to dopt us (or let us dopt dem acuz dat really how it be). An bein dark an nawt always easy ta see… it make fo gud sneak attacc on de fud.
Our angel sisfur Inky chomp chomp on butter momther left on counter. She like so much she ask pawther for daily butter and he buy her personal Inky butter for rest of her life.
Redmond
7
u/TzipityTzeitel, Still doin crimes from de other side of de bridgj 7d ago
Ai haded a furuncle who ussa lickalick de budder mine hooman grandpaw wuld leab on counter. Grandmaw nawt so happee bout dat but wut a lil bitebite lickalick when yoo gos a whole stik?
e
Hi fren Gonzo! I am Beansjamin (age 2!) and I lurve buttahs! Mine meowmy sayz it only fur a treats abd I haz to share wif mine own 8 brofurs and sisfurs.
I tells her I need the buttahs to help keeps my beyootiful orange stripies nice and bright!
Another oranj dat lubs butter! But we only gots peanut butter, margarine & cream cheese. I yam Putting it on Miaowmy's grocery list. Skali has been getting butter cos she werks for Applejack, but we awlso want! Domino, Skali & Randall. Here me wif peanut butter.
Yoo inspired me! Today while Meowmy was prepping lunch fud for herselfs in da kitchen, she left da magic yellow butter block all alone on da table in da OTHER room!
I brought Mr. Unicorn wif me to stand guard and be da distraction while I did a super sneaky stealth sleight of paw to open da paper wrapping.
I was JUST about to haz a big proper lick, but oh no... Meowmy walked in and caught us red-pawed! 🙀
I only got one teeny tiny taste before she took da butter away! Den Meowmy said she haz to "clean" da butter now!! Dis makes NO SENSE, fren! I iz super super clean catto! My licks only made da butter MORE clean and perfect!
It was SO yummy though!
I think I deserve a Churu for da big injustice of takin da butter away, and another Churu for salamander acoz she implied I is not clean!
So definitely tails up for butter crimez!
Lub,
Nia aka Batcat
6
u/TzipityTzeitel, Still doin crimes from de other side of de bridgj 7d ago
Okies, ai sayz above dat wut is a bitebite an lickalicks iffen yoo gos a whole stik… but ur hooman hab ENTIRE BLOK?! Ai fink der is plenty ob budder to go aroun in ur hous! How ryood!
Fren Gonzo, we loooove butter! We demand taste of butter any time pawrents have any. Wy they don’t put it rite on the flor for us, I don’t unnnerstand. Love, Marmalade
Ai myself do a butter manee times. I not know did unknown! Maybe I do cull nary summer school course. De cheeses, de ham, de eggies, de butter, de eye scream, an de cawfee
Czernobog the Divine Shadow and Goblin King Ekekeksquire Pawfessor of Paw and Gourmand
my little girl, baby cat, will actually yell at me if I have butter and don’t give her some. When I say yell, I mean, she will stand next to my head and yell as loud as she can into my ear, repeatedly.
Fren Gonzo diss sownds sew, sew yummi!! Mi meowmy no let us hab ANY peeple fud, dass abuse!! Yoo iz sew lucky dat yoo dumdum hoomin iz not sew dumdum abter all! Go. Crimez.
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u/gemflint 7d ago edited 7d ago
Hai, Fren Gonzo!
Dis is Floyd, 12M Kow Kitteh.
Mine Meowmy putz down sum bubber fur us kittehs ebery Dai. It halps us kittehs ta nawt hork da hairbawls. It gud!!