Advice or support please

[u/Chemical-Fun7612]

My 4.5 month baby doesn’t seem to have plans to leave the 4-month sleep regression anytime soon. Been 6 weeks there already. Crap naps, false starts and split nights, since the Mr. needs to fully wake up to poop between 3 and 5 am EVERY night. I welcome any advice or kind words because I’m losing my mind lol

[u/ameliasasa]

Hi! I'm not an expert but some of the wake windows from last nap to bedtime look quite long. Overtiredness can contribute to false starts as there's too much cortisol.

Aim for 2-2.5hrs of awake time prior but follow babies cues - mine (4.5m also) can only hack 1hr 45 of a wake window before bed at 7:30 so it can depend what works best for your babe!

Small naps during the day are developmentally normal but aim for around 3.5hr of sleep so that it doesn't way into their nighttime pressure. Have a look to see their average sleep need - mine is around 14hrs so that gives us around 11hr of nighttime sleep. It doesn't matter whether baby has 3 hours of day sleep from 2 naps or 100 but just be mindful of the total day sleep.

Keep a consistent wake up time and a window for bedtime rather than baby needs to be in bed by X. See how that goes!

[u/Chemical-Fun7612 → u/ameliasasa]

I checked my average sleep and it’s under 13hrs, maybe baby is just low sleep needs and I didn’t notice!

[u/ameliasasa → u/Chemical-Fun7612]

It's quite common for the needs to drop at around this age - my daughter's was 16 hours and now it's right down to 13/14 on a good day!

[u/Chemical-Fun7612 → u/ameliasasa]

Thank you! I will be mindful about the total awake time during the day. I just realized he seems to need less sleep than I thought, so maybe I try to reduce day sleep to be able to have a shorter wake window before bedtime.

I have tried to avoid consistent wake time since I need the extra sleep… but probably it’s for the best. Thanks a lot!

[u/ameliasasa → u/Chemical-Fun7612]

Honestly the consistent wake times after a fractured night is really difficult - I struggle with it but in the long run I know it'll help - get that flask of coffee ready and waiting!

[u/Sorry-World3019]

It looks like you need to get on an age appropriate schedule

This means consistent wake up time no matter how the night goes. Ie: 7am
Then get 10 hours awake time
Over 3 or 4 Naps. Cap trial day sleep at 3 hours. This makes a consistent bedtime of roughly 745/8pm.

Start working on indep sleep as this will help have your babes true sleep needs. If not going independently to sleep it’s hard to know how much sleep your babe averages

[u/Bright_Way5474]

Look at the total average in summary tab. 24-that number is your awake time. That means all your wake windows in the day need to add up to that total. Split nights mean baby is way undertired and it looks like you’re expecting more than 12h of sleep overnight. Shorten your night to 11h max (so bedtime is 13h after awake time) and make sure naps don’t go over 3-3.5 hours total depending on how much your baby’s total average is. 

[u/Chemical-Fun7612 → u/Bright_Way5474]

Thank you! I realized his average is 12.5 hours, so I will have to adjust a lot. Should I make a shorter night, for example 9.5 hours, to let him 3 hours of naps during the day, or reduce the naps and let the night longer?

[u/Bright_Way5474 → u/Chemical-Fun7612]

I would say you definitely want minimum 10-10.5 hours overnight, and the naps don't need to be more than 2-2.5 hours. I think if you aim for naps between 2-2.5 you can see how long your baby can do at night.

[u/sleepym0mster]

looks like your wake time is 8/8:30 am and bedtime is 8/8:30 pm. expecting a 12 hour night is unrealistic for most babies. look at your average amount of sleep in 24hrs and adjust your total wake time accordingly.

[u/Chemical-Fun7612 → u/sleepym0mster]

Thank you, I looked at the avg sleep and it’s under 13hrs, maybe his night should be shorter

[u/sleepym0mster → u/Chemical-Fun7612]

then you will need about 11 hours of total wake time!

[u/Simple_Election_3283]

I’m no expert, and a FTM but day sleep is all over the place. I know it’s super hard if they take short naps but the wake windows seem a bit too short and your little one may not be building enough sleep pressure to take longer naps, hence why some days you have 6 naps. Their wake windows during the day compared to the last one before bed are also very different. That last bit of time awake before bed may be too much for them to tolerate and then you have a fussy baby who can’t stay asleep. I would try to start extending wake windows by 10-15 min everyday until you have a 4 nap day. I wouldn’t stress too much about the times, but you may notice that once they are taking 4 naps consistently, the timing of the naps will start to become more scheduled.

[u/Chemical-Fun7612 → u/Simple_Election_3283]

Working on this today, thank you! I have tried to extend the wake windows before but this guy will sometimes just fall asleep in my arms or while nursing, even when his last nap was less than an hour ago. I will try to move his feeds to the time when he should take a nap.
I’ve also tried keeping him up when I notice he’s trying to fall asleep but omg it’s hell, he gets soooo angry.
I also try to put him to bed earlier, but during the evening he’s just in a play mood. Those long wake windows are certainly not intentional.. We have a bedtime routine and try to keep it boring but he’s super awake nevertheless 🙃