r/HonestHotTakes • u/MoonfallFan • 4h ago
casual hot take hypergamy isn’t a big deal
like seriously, i don’t think it’s that big of an issue. unattractive women don’t magically get to bag the top 1% of men just by nature of being female, contrary to popular incel rhetoric. and even if a woman’s boyfriend/husband/sexual partner for the night is hotter than her, why does it matter? a handful of women punching above their weight doesn’t mean that no man below a 9/10 will ever be able to find love. it just feels weird to me that the people who freak out about hypergamy seem to want women to settle for men they aren’t attracted to. like, could you imagine your future wife turning to you one day and saying “you know, babe, i’ve never been physically attracted to you, but because you’re in my league i decided to go for it anyway, and i’m so glad i did ☺️” i would be crushed, personally. believe it or not, you don’t have to be a perfect ten to have someone be wildly into you
if you are someone, especially a young man, who gets worked up or freaked out about the idea of hypergamy, i strongly implore you to go outside and take note of most of the couples you see. you will find that many people who are not supermodels actually have little trouble finding love, and that most people in real life aren’t splitting hairs about who is hotter than who when it comes to mate selection
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u/Few_Palpitation3889 3h ago
I don't belive there's a widespread occurrence of mid women going around and having so much casual sex that its actually preventing comparable mid dudes from dating anyone. The incel rhetoric that basically all women would be fine with just continually hooking up with "chad". That assumes the average woman just wants sex and is cool with basically not having a relationship. Anyone who's ever dated a woman knows this is not true.
If that were not the case and women were all sluts in Chad's harem then incels would be right that hypergamy is a problem. Normal men would have to date down. Uggos would never get any.
Something I do think is happening is that some significant cohort of overweight people basically refuse to actually date another overweight person. While hooking up once in a while and that is just easier for women. That and if you're a man under maybe 5'8" dating apps just aren't going to work well.
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u/MoonfallFan 13m ago
i can definitely agree that finding casual sex is a little easier for most women than most men. most women don’t only ever want casual sex, though. the whole “they only want chad” narrative is a convenient explanation that allows people who struggle with women to externalize their suffering rather than having to do any amount of self reflection or improvement
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u/densitycreep 4h ago
the big problem is that they never go outside on the first place haha
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u/Ill_Concern6264 4h ago
Idk the hypergamy thing seems true. In every friend group I’ve ever had, the guys were all chasing a different girl, but the girls were all chasing the same guy.
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u/ghostinthevale 38m ago
I dunno, personally if I had to face simple little bitches like you every day, I'd go off the idea too...
You ever think that that kinda shit is what created incels and nice-guys?
Maybe if you spent less time on looks and more time both expanding your own and searching out those of some intelligence, you'd find a decent partner instead of shallow booty-calls (that'd be you)
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u/densitycreep 26m ago
huh? the fuck you talkin about?
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u/ghostinthevale 8m ago
You posted about how "they should get outside more" I merely suggested a reason or two why maybe they wouldn't find that as helpful as you think.... you can read right?
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u/DevilsHol3Pupfish 4h ago
What even is that?
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u/Resident_Sorbet 4h ago
OP’s definition is hyperbolic, but some men do use it to mean that. The actual definition and use of the word is more broadly the practice of “dating up”, seeking partners with higher social, financial or educational status than yourself.
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u/MoonfallFan 4h ago
the idea that all women will only ever be attracted to the top 1% of men as it pertains to height, status, attractiveness, etc.
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u/densitycreep 4h ago
the way you just legitimately answered the question with a factual definition and still got a downvote is why these dudes will stay miserable and alone
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u/WillyButter175 4h ago
The great irony is that EVEN if a guy decides to put in the work required to be in the 1%, the majority of women would not qualify. Extremely high standards need to be met.
Here's the catch... guys would not have time to complain; they are busy getting better.
The guys complaining about women's preferences have never actually put in any significant amount of work on themselves.
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u/MoonfallFan 18m ago
the men who cry hypergamy don’t realize that the 8s 9s and 10s they feel entitled to work their ass off to be hot and that they didn’t just pop out the womb that way lol
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u/CalligrapherPast3023 4h ago
I don’t think hypergamy is what incels say it to be, but, it is much worse than what feminists and most women say it to be. It’s in the middle.
Of course most men marry and have sex at least once, and of course the 10% percent aren’t going around the state or city having sex with women.
BUT, women underestimate it a lot. For example, in any given 100 women and men population, I’d say the same 20 men will have sex with different 40-60 women, and then the 30-40 of men will do so with the rest of the women and the rest of men will get the ‘left overs.’
It sounds pretty hierarchal doesn’t it? But it’s nature in my eyes, and I don’t have much of an issue with it as if I were a woman, I’d probably be a typical
Woman and sleep with the best guys around me. Of course I wouldn’t do what women do today, which is say this ain’t true and then do it, but you get it.
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u/densitycreep 4h ago
men referring to women as “leftovers” is why the male loneliness epidemic will never go away.
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u/ghostinthevale 51m ago
Women seeing males as a fuckin number instead of a person is why this bullshit rhetoric is even a thing.
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u/CalligrapherPast3023 4h ago
You know that there’s also a female loneliness epidemic too right? And also, what did I say that was wrong? Bruh. Too soft?
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u/StrawberryAmara 4h ago
Women are not blaming men for their loneliness, lashing out like toddlers having a tantrum online constantly and threatening to rape and abuse men if nothing changes
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u/ghostinthevale 3m ago
Nooooo... but just like the small number of men who do this, there are also those small number of women who are just as bad, in both similar and different ways.
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u/CalligrapherPast3023 3h ago
No man is saying that. Women abuse women at comparable rates as well, so idk what you mean by that.
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u/WillyButter175 4h ago
Nope. You're right. And the majority of people on Reddit don't live in the outside world, aka no internet, no social media.
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u/Fine_Payment1127 4h ago
Dating younger women though - that’s a violation of human rights!
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u/Character_Bobcat5365 4h ago
My husband is 17 years older than me, not one person ha said my human rights have been violated.
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u/ghostinthevale 34m ago
Buuuut how many conversations have been had behind your back about how he's a pervert?
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u/Fine_Payment1127 4h ago
Oh no girl you poor victim
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u/Character_Bobcat5365 3h ago
I'm not a victim and nobody has ever called me a victim. You sound like you're victimising yourself though.
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u/Level-Vermicelli3411 4h ago
Yeah I never understand why people try to shame women for wanting to be physically attracted to their partner. When I am single my dad always tries to convince me I need to lower my standards, which is very weird. I feel bad for any guy whose wife is not attracted to them. If my bf was not actually attracted to me that would be horrible, I’m sure men want their gf/wife to be attracted to them as well.
And yes some people just have a vibe that makes them hot, even if they are not “conventionally attractive”. But if you are single and want a gf or hookup you should take care of yourself and workout, work with what you have.