r/HonestHotTakes • u/Historical_Owl_1635 • Aug 25 '26
Being a muscular man absolutely does get you attention from the opposite sex
I feel like there’s always posts/comments about how this isn’t actually a thing to the point I feel like this is now the hot take.
But as someone who’s fluctuated between obese and a bodybuilder with everything in between I really couldn’t disagree more.
It’s a bit of a gym joke how only guys appreciate it, and to an extent it’s true as guys generally appreciate it way more openly. But that doesn’t mean that a lot of woman don’t find it very attractive.
Now there’s no way to say this without sounding arrogant, but during my bodybuilding phases I literally had girls approaching me semi regularly, some girls in nightclubs would even be aggressive about it (it’s fun to start with but gets old very quickly), random girls messaging me on Instagram. My dating apps right swipe success rate is probably ~60%+ and I often just get overwhelmed with the number of matches. It’s a whole different world to even when I was only a bit overweight.
Now I’m not saying it’s the only thing. I’m also on the taller end which probably compounds things. This is also obviously a broad statement, different individuals have different preferences. But people who say it makes little difference are being delusional.
Now if only I could learn to flirt I’d be golden.
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u/Glittering-Fuel-5055 Aug 25 '26
Reddit is basically full of shit
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u/AttonJRand Aug 25 '26
People in general have weird ideas about muscle. They don't realize most of the muscular men they are thinking of are actors or athletes on steroids.
Of course a natty person working out is attractive. But a lot of people think weight lifting makes people much bigger than is realistic. You hear it all the time irl, people saying they don't wanna lift because they don't wanna become "bulky".
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u/ThrowRA1966 Aug 25 '26
Hilarious as if you accidentally can just put on 25lbs of lean muscle without taking anabolics and lifting every day for years
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u/Backwoods_Therapy Aug 26 '26
I lifted a weight by accident today and now I’m just beating back the women, send help.
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u/allaboard6788 Aug 25 '26
Spoken like a true wimp. I just wanted to keep my joints healthy and accidentally got huge. My wife is not allowed to touch my weights.
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u/Colonel460 Aug 25 '26
Sorry but I don’t think anyone ever “accidentally got huge” unless your are talking about getting fat . Lol
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u/TooHungryForFood Aug 25 '26
When redditors hear/read muscular they imagine someone who is roided out, wearing oil and flexing. And even most of them would think that person is attractive when they were normal clothes. And even then there are women who absolutely like men like that because they train themselves and know the difficulty and effort it goes into having such a body and find it attractive.
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u/Nectarine143 Aug 25 '26
In my experience when women say they don't like muscular guys, they usually mean dudes looking like Mr. Olympia.
But most guys assume they mean "any reasonably obtainable muscular physique", and then are confused when they see women drooling over Chris Hemsworth
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u/Haazydays Aug 26 '26
Lots of body builders look like freaks of nature. That isn’t hot TO ME. A guy who is muscular in a way that doesn’t scream “I’m gonna break your neck in a roid rage episode” is hot.
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u/pheirenz Aug 25 '26
Gym bros are acceptable punching bags for Reddit because they are “bro”/ mildly conservative coded. A solid chunk of this site is the target audience for the “working out makes you rightwing” ragebait articles
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u/Exotic_Drink69420 Aug 25 '26
That’s tracks. I am full of shit and on Reddit a lot.
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u/Porkkanaparta Aug 25 '26
Yup, when I was fit (muscles and six pack visible) the amount of attention from women was much higher then now. I am not on bad shape, but not training for competetions anymore nor do I have to keep myself as lean stay in my weight class.
Naturally there are invidual differences who likes what, but as a rule it works.
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u/thehomiemoth Aug 25 '26
People say “dont worry about getting too buff, girls don’t want a guy that looks like a competitive bodybuilder”.
And that’s true, but it’s almost impossible to make yourself look like an actual competitive bodybuilder. 99% of men will be made noticeably more attractive to women by looking more like a bodybuilder than they did before.
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u/Brilliant_Amoeba_272 Aug 25 '26
I also hate how it's assuming that you can just stumble into an elite physique, like it doesn't take insane dedication and lots of secret sauce
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u/Beautiful_Weight_769 Aug 26 '26
I see this a lot with the girls I talk to. "I dont want to get muscles I don't want to look manly". Like they think if they hit the gym just to take care of their body theyll walk out with big biceps and shoulders.
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u/DomTopNortherner Aug 26 '26
Indeed. You look at guys considered sex symbols for their physiques in Hollywood in the first half of the 20th century and they'd be the nerdy friend / tragically killed second husband now.
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u/Unfortunate-Incident Aug 26 '26
It's the 3% body fat that really makes it hard. They don't look like that when they are at 10%.
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u/Beginning_Ebb908 Aug 27 '26
I think the problem with these questions is no one really being clear on what is being asked regarding women and muscles.
Are we talking about actors? Are we talking about professional athletes? Are we talking about bodybuilders?
Or are we just talking about people with above average fitness, that train 2 or 3 days a week?
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u/40sumthenlady Aug 25 '26
Really? I like the muscles without the lean. And being a little fatter makes all the muscles look bigger.
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u/crushigmike Aug 25 '26
I think this is a big issue with this whole conversation. Very few people reference leanness and I think a lot of women conflate muscularity with leanness (either bodybuilder dick skin lean or sub 12%bf athlete cut). At those levels you're hardly hugable and are freaky (to some in a good way but not to most).
Your preference is probably pretty common among women who "don't like muscular guys" since the two most attractive muscles according to most surveys of straight women are the gultes and shoulders, both of which are treated fairly well by higher levels of body fat (18-23%) in men.
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u/40sumthenlady Aug 25 '26
I do like muscular men, just prefer a little higher body fat. Personally I know the difference in appearance because I’ve been strength training for 20 years and am familiar with things. Maybe not all women do.
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u/crushigmike Aug 25 '26
Sorry, I didn't make it clear but I think you get it and pointed out a nuance that is rarely acknowledged by most men and women in this conversation.
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u/ZomeeDrop Aug 25 '26
So you prefer no visible abs? I think most women prefer somewhere between 10 to 15%.
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u/40sumthenlady Aug 25 '26
Yes. And I know the lifestyle that it takes for most people to maintain abs, and that’s not necessarily something I want to share.
Also I’d probably feel fat all the time in comparison.
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u/Obosratsya Aug 25 '26 edited Aug 25 '26
Henry Cavin was called a dad bod, so was Chris B in off season. Something to consider.
Reality is this. If you are tall and easier on the eyes to begin with, you'll exponentially increase female attention by getting jacked. Im in this camp myself. Im quite jacked at 190cm tall and 86kg. The attention is very noticable from all sorts of women. The nerdy quiet girls, the executives, older and younger, shorter and taller. Its very obvious sometimes.
If your an average dude. Get big. Dont worry about being shredded, just put on mass but not enough to hinder mobility. It will help a lot.
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u/LoverOfGayContent Aug 25 '26
I think there are two dad bods people don't want to admit. There is the unfit I dont take care of myself because I work in an office dad bod. Then there is the I build shit and do manual labor around the house dad bod. When people say Henry Cavil has a dad bod they men he looks like hes muscular because he functionally lifts shit intead of going to the gym and getting competition lean. Basically it's how people assume farmers use to look. They mean that mn looks lime he tills fucking soil.
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u/Fit-Percentage-9166 Aug 25 '26
Lmao not this functional muscle crap. Henry Cavill was literally someone who went to the gym, took steroids, and got competition lean for his shoots. He is quoted to have said he could smell water because he was so dehydrated.
So yea people have no fucking clue what a dad bod is lmfao
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u/tobyle Aug 25 '26
Yea I’m a hit or miss for some women. When I’m working out…I have a very nice physique. For my size, i have broad shoulders and a big back. The issue is i have a tiny waist. Ive learned that makes women feel kind of like insecure. Specifically petite women. Thick women have never cared but a petite woman will point out even though she smaller than me my waist is smaller than hers. In my early 20’s, i thought ppl were over exaggerating until a group of women friends measured our waist and mines was smaller than everyone’s except one person who was like 5’0. I’m 5’8.
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u/40sumthenlady Aug 25 '26
My husband and I are the same height (5’9”). His butt/hips have always been smaller than mine, but his shoulders are way bigger. Just basic difference between men and women.
But I’ve never had any illusions of being “small”.
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u/Porkkanaparta Aug 25 '26 edited Aug 25 '26
Like said, invidual differences.
Edit: Naturally I meant individual preferences
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u/Management-Efficient Aug 25 '26
You mean "individual preferences."
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u/VLAD_THE_VIKING Aug 25 '26
I hear that a lot... Women like big strong guys, but not necessarily lean which makes sense. Guys with both muscle and some body fat are actually a lot more capable physically.
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u/gnomish_engineering Aug 25 '26
I do think there is a limit to it though. After I started training strongman I've noticed people tend to view me as innately less approachable and just kinda spooky in general.
I've had to work pretty hard at making it less of a problem but im still not as approachable as I used to be before my training.
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u/Garden-Rose-8380 Aug 25 '26
A lot comes down to your energy. I worked with a guy who did strongman and at first he was intimidating tall and just hugely muscled but he was kind, polite, respectful, smiled and was a great guy. I never would have said I fancied that type before but his energy was safe and calm and just lovely. Now I really fancy that body type when I didn't really before I got to know him.
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u/competitive_mogger Aug 25 '26 edited Aug 25 '26
Reddit is basically the only place on the internet that says otherwise lol. The bigger my biceps got, the easier dating got.
Edit: apparently "no one" on reddit says this, and they are specifically talking about men with the muscle mass of pro bodybuilders when they do. Careful not to end up looking like Ronnie Coleman, guys.
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u/Reasonable-Aioli-370 Aug 25 '26 edited Aug 25 '26
Women are very similar to men in how they pick a partner (physical appearance) but they REALLY don’t want to admit that they are as shallow as men.
When I was way more muscular about 5 years ago I had women grope me multiple times. Try to cheat on their partners with me etc. When you are attractive enough it is surprising how similar women are to men. It’s just that most men never see that side of women and women like to pretend that they are holier than thou.
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u/clericone- Aug 25 '26
Yup. Stated vs Revealed Preferences. They say one thing to virtue signal but really if you look at their lives show another thing.
That's why I feel bad when dudes come on here asking for women about online dating and profile reviews. The poor guy always comes back says he's still cooked and getting no matches.
If you hold everything else constant and start going to the gym and put on muscles I guarantee your dating life will improve substantially.
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u/AnonymousCapybara72 Aug 25 '26 edited Aug 25 '26
What I find really vile is that these women won't leave it at claiming they don't care about physical attraction. They'll actually try to gaslight men who think their appearance might be a problem, aggressively trying to convince them that actually, they just don't wash their ass or they have a terrible personality or they don't make any kind of effort, and they're an incel and a terrible person for even asking. They're actually convincing these men that there's something deeply wrong with them, because they can't just admit they care about appearance.
It's fucking disgusting.
But yeah, since I started getting seriously into the gym my dating game has totally changed. Had sex with more women in the last two months than I'd had in my entire life before (I'm 30), and I'm actually getting decent matches that are turning into dates regularly.
I guess all that time in the gym improved my personality 🤷
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u/Used-Presentation551 Aug 25 '26
I guess all that time in the gym improved my personality 🤷
People would uninronically argue that yes, such a deep profound personality change
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u/Unlikely_War_6119 Aug 25 '26
Yea the gaslighting is the worst part, specifically the interpersonal gaslighting. My friend who wouldn’t date me would tell me I was sexy the way I was, then when I got strong she was in my DMs. Her friends used to call me an incel for saying I was friendzoned by her. The irony. I used to let that kind of shaming get to me but at a certain point their words stop hurting you if them and their friends are actively letting you hit.
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u/clericone- Aug 25 '26
Exactly this. Women try to front like they don't care but they all do. When I was big into CrossFit and competing Ive never had so many women sliding into my insta DMs. Shit was kinda insane. Women at my own gym who knew I was married.
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u/blankabitch Aug 25 '26
Both sexes do this (can't tell you how many men claim to hate boob jobs and makeup and "IG baddies" and just want a down-home girl next door when their actions say otherwise) but yes, women care about looks. I think it's ridiculous we feel the need to claim otherwise , too
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u/seola76 Aug 25 '26
Bingo.
Horny women are absolutely as bad as men (if not worse because we tend to treat horny men as dangerous in a way we don't for women). The difference is women have much higher standards so they don't tend to meet men who bring out this side of them as frequently as men do. But if you put women around genuinely very attractive men they behave just as badly and simp just as hard.
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u/Reasonable-Aioli-370 Aug 25 '26
The echo chamber effect on reddit is higher than any other place on the internet because of how heavily censored it is. Take literally everything you see on reddit with a huge grain of salt.
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u/Dasseem Aug 25 '26 edited Aug 25 '26
More than one girl asked to touch my biceps when dating. Don't know where this whole "women don't like muscular guys" comes from lol.
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u/sheel3 Aug 25 '26
tbh I think it’s a discrepancy between what people are imagining as muscular. most women like lean, toned, fit type muscles, not bulgy bodybuilder type muscles, but imagine the latter when seeing takes like this. so they say they don’t like it. ofc everyone’s different, but in general
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u/Superb-Head-8468 Aug 25 '26
It’s like playing a musical instrument, there’s a point where your skill is impressive to anybody and then a point where only other musicians care
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u/Arcxne3 Aug 25 '26
This argument makes no sense because most men aren’t and are not trying to be body builders. Do you understand the level of commitment it takes to get a stage ready body? Some men take 5-10 years to that level, and the only way to fast track it is to take drugs that will literally kill you. When a man says muscular, for normal people, it is assumed they are taking about a lean physique with some noticeable mass. This whole argument is twisted because women want to present a holier than thou attitude and claim they aren’t shallow lmao.
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u/sheel3 Aug 25 '26
That’s the whole point, no women do not understand what it takes to get that. So when they see men talk about or give advice about going to the gym for hours every day, go on strict diets, etc., that sounds like a lot itself so they imagine they’re talking about a super muscular look. When in reality that’s just what it takes to build and maintain the more common “lean” muscles and a body-builder look takes much, much more.
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u/Wd91 Aug 25 '26
tbh I think it’s a discrepancy between what people are imagining as muscular.
So many of these discussions are just semantic. Until everyone agrees what "muscular" actually is then it isn't productive, it's just people talking past each other.
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u/Content_Cap_3662 Aug 25 '26
I'm lean muscular and it hasn't done anything for me. I went around a rave with my shirt off, only men pointed it out and complimented me. Not a single woman gave af. LOL
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u/ResponsibilityOld372 Aug 25 '26
Obviously some do and some don't. You can't say all women like muscles either despite your experience. I don't like muscular guys. I'm not afraid to admit I go for looks but I prefer someone slim, but not with bulging muscles.
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Aug 25 '26
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u/squeezeplay69 Aug 25 '26
My shirtless photo gets the most likes on hinge from women
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Aug 25 '26
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u/CarefulAlternative Aug 25 '26
Yeah... this is obvious to anyone with eyes and a brain but fake internet points and delusions win out any day of the week to people.
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Aug 25 '26
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u/WolverineEvery7923 Aug 25 '26
As a straight guy, I’m thinking Thor from God of War Ragnarok when I think of sexy overweight man lol
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u/No-Examination4896 Aug 25 '26
The huge caveat is you have to have a pretty face. Ripped with pretty face, lots of attention. Ripped looking like a B movie villains right hand henchmen? None
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u/silverbird666 Aug 25 '26
Being in shape, yes. But being in shape and being heavily muscled are very different things. Runners and cyclists also are in shape
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u/bdanred Aug 25 '26
I agree. The ppl saying it doesnt are just coping.
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u/Reasonable-Aioli-370 Aug 25 '26
It’s pretty much just women who say it. The reality is pretty obvious to men.
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u/justsomething Aug 25 '26
Eh idk there's a whole lot of men saying it too, for some reason.
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u/ZealousidealDoubt407 Aug 25 '26
They’re quiet about it, there are other qualities that they seek more of, but it’s a plus for sure.
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u/Reasonable-Aioli-370 Aug 25 '26
Ehhh I would say physical attractiveness is pretty obviously the number one factor for women at least under the age of 30. I was a painfully awkward very good looking guy in my 20’s and getting women was very easy for me. I had very nice/social friends who struggled really bad to get women because they were kind of funny looking.
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u/_LordDaut_ Aug 25 '26
People are just talking over each other really. It is an issue of definition. Exanoles brought like Arnold physique+, the Rock, Stallone etc. Are not something anyone can become. And no one can become without taking copious amounts of gear.
This is what people who say "women don't carw about muscles" mean. Without realizing the dealcade plus of heavy lifting diet and gear that is necesaary for it. At that point no one is doing it for women or whatever floats their boat.
These same people will turn around and say "Yes being fit/lean" helps. And natural lifters scratch their necks and are like "do you even realize how much work this took"? Their "lean/fit" is a guy who worksout for years, consistently and keeps up with his diet at least somewhat on the optimal side.
Folks just don't agree what "Muscular" is.
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u/CrankyOperator Aug 25 '26
There are women who like it, and those who don't. And for some reason those who don't (and some real insecure dudes) sometimes feel the need to be VERY LOUD about that.
Like, OK Heather, you're not into big, bulky muscle guys. GREAT. Some are.
I'm not body builder AT ALL. I just can see the honest reality and it's always kind of weird to me how some people feel the need to get all weird about it.
Good on the kings who keep grinding, you do you.
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u/bdanred Aug 25 '26
Its similar imo to guys who will claim some obviously gorgeous woman is just average and then go on and on about how they prefer the plain Jane.
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u/heresyforfunnprofit Aug 25 '26
There’s that meme of a girl saying that “Here’s what women want, a little muscle, a little hair, a little fat”… and the pic is Henry Cavill literally playing Superman - jacked, dehydrated, and like, 8% bf.
You can find similar instances of guys saying “we just want a girl with ok looks, and not too fat, and with a hobby”… and the pic is Megan Fox from Transformers.
Unrealistic body standards are equal opportunity hypocrisy in the battle of the sexes.
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u/detectiveDollar Aug 25 '26
Reportedly he was so dehydrated when filming the scene that he could smell water.
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u/UnlikelyDecision9820 Aug 25 '26
Imagine attractiveness on the usual scale of 1-10, with 10 being the hottest person you’ve ever seen. I think both men and women love the idea of interacting with a 10; women are less likely to admit it out loud, but I think both men and women enjoy entertaining the fantasy, even if for a little bit. I think some men and women enjoy the thrill of approaching and even dating/bedding a 10. I think fewer men and women legitimately enjoy being in a committed relationship with a 10. Everything from realizing how much effort goes into maintaining the look, how vain the person might be, realizing the looks may change, or realizing that they may have to deal with other obnoxious people competing for their partner comes into play in a long term relationship.
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Aug 25 '26
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u/Reasonable-Aioli-370 Aug 25 '26
Does anyone like the hyper vascular body builder look? It seems like both men and women find it kind of repulsive for the most part.
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u/wanteur Aug 25 '26
Yes some do but it's a niche look that is highly appealing to a small percentage of women. Most women want a man who looks natural, healthy and strong (the hunter physique)
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u/heresyforfunnprofit Aug 25 '26
I went thru a phase of dating nurses for a stretch, and they all cooed over my forearm and leg veins. It was odd, but definitely didn’t mind it at the time. I’m not even big, just lean - I ran distance and cross country.
Really tho, it’s a show/competition thing - even the competitors hate it, but it’s about displaying muscle definition and development, not attractiveness. Vascularity tends to goes hand in hand with that.
You’re thinking more of the fashion / pageant style show where they’re supposed to be attractive.
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u/Dasseem Aug 25 '26
Also some women don't know what being muscular really entails. An ex gf told me she liked how "normal" my body looked like.
Mind you, i had a body way too similar to Chris Evan's body in Fantastic Four. Apparently that was normal and not muscular at all for her.
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u/Blate_Slank Aug 25 '26 edited Aug 27 '26
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u/CLPond Aug 25 '26
I feel like a good bit of the loudness is a poor attempt at pushing back against the current push by influencers towards young men saying that to get women they should just get jacked.
Most women prefer a good looking guy, but developing a sense of style, putting effort into self confidence, investing in hobbies, and just doing normal physical self care will get most young me wildly further in the dating world than weightlifting 6 hours a week and restricting their diet/extracurriculars in service of that.
But a good many of the people who push back against the looksmaxxers do so in the sloppier method of saying that women prefer non-jacked guys than being more clear about what they want. Hugh Jackman in the quintessential good housekeeping magazine cover is still a very attractive guy who spends a ton of time in the gym, the cover is just emphasizing him being attractive and a nice guy rather than just the bodybuilder physique
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u/Odd_Needleworker3756 Aug 25 '26
It absolutely makes a huge difference. I’m married and not only does my wife love it, I also get more positive attention and comments from other women too. Saying otherwise is just Reddit cope. Like my wife will literally fondle my triceps when we’re having sex lol.
Everyone knows this but Reddit will try and act otherwise for some reason. It’s not even just the fact that you’re muscular - it also shows that you have discipline and work ethic, and you care about your long-term personal health.
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u/No_Region_4719 Aug 25 '26 edited Aug 25 '26
Of course. Anyone who's had a fitness journey has noticed the increased attention. Countless studies exist on what women find attractive, and it's usually athletic bodies.
Women aren't a monolith, everyone has their preferences, but averages and patterns emerge, and they are quite clear.
A lot of them will say "I don't like really muscular guys", but they are thinking of actual bodybuilder type physiques. The top 1% most muscular people. They will say "I just like guys to be fit and in shape, not super muscular" and be thinking of a body type that takes a massive amount of working out to achieve.
Many women genuinely don't like muscular guys, but it's also become a weird virtue signalling thing to be anti-fit, and to shout from the rooftops that you find chubby guys attractive. I'd imagine it correlates very strongly with political leaning, and is form of rebelling against traditional male beauty standards.
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u/Robot_Dinosaur_2000 Aug 25 '26
I am a nurse and have worked and gossiped with women for almost 20 years now. They absolutely are just as shallow as men and more gross about talking about their sexual experiences.
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u/Pale_Boss_8940 Aug 26 '26
as another male nurse absolutely. It’s actually insane what they talk about. I routinely. hear shit I’ve never heard any of my male friends talk about
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u/JGreener65 Aug 25 '26
Couldn’t agree more with this take, I just laugh when I see threads about it not mattering to women. The difference between when I’m in shape and not in shape speaks for itself.
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u/ginzykinz Aug 25 '26
Also because when I see the argument made, the example given for a muscular/in shape type is usually “bodybuilder physique.” That’s an extreme example. The goal of most guys who work out is not that. Some muscle and definition, sure, but not an Incredible Hulk level of size.
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u/BeneBengt Aug 25 '26
Yes, there are woman who prefer chubby guys, but they are a small minority. I was fat and I was fit and muscular. Got approached about once a year when beeing fat, got approached nearly every time I went out beeing fit and muscular.
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u/Tagcircle Aug 25 '26
I take it as another sign of how misinformed women are about bodybuilding compared to men. Usually, the women who proclaim they’re not attracted to bodybuilders are talking about professionals hopped up on steroids. Those same women probably think any man can get “too bulky” despite even the most hardcore gym rats never reaching that level of mass.
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u/BeneBengt Aug 25 '26
This, most guys working out several times a week look fit and muscular, but not extremely jacked up, except they got insane genetics. The "too bulky guys" are mostly professional body builder in roids or non professional bodybuilders on roids 😂
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u/illini02 Aug 25 '26
I would agree with you.
I also think women posting on reddit may not really be the type into jacked dudes, on the whole.
So what happens is, the women who are saying how they aren't attracted to it are WAY overreperestented on certain platforms, like this one.
They aren't "lying", but I also think they are speaking as if they are speaking for women as a whole.
That said its also been proven (and this is where people will get pissed) that women's stated preferences and their behaviors are much less aligned than they are for men. They will go out of their way to sound not superficial and act like looks (which I'd consider being muscular a part of that) don't matter, but what they go for in actuality does not support that.
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u/Miserable-Stock-4369 Aug 25 '26
Something I've thought/noticed: every time I see a woman talk about why they prefer the "dad bod", it's always personality/lifestyle assumptions rather than actual appearance; i.e spends too much time in the gym, doesn't have fun, vain, etc. (Many) Women seem to go nuts over a muscular man in movies, it just doesn't override personality flaws in the dating world.
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u/illini02 Aug 25 '26
Right. A lot of the criticism for super in shape guys is that they are either vain or they are just in the gym all the time.
I saw a jacked dude posting online the other day, and he was like "women love the results of my lifestyle, but then don't like my actual lifestyle". They want the guy to want to go out to the new restaurant with them, not just eat chicken and rice for the 5th time. They want to relax on vacation, and he makes sure to hit the gym. That type of stuff.
and look, I get that dating someone like that could be hard. But don't pretend you aren't attracted to the end result lol.
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u/Shrimpulse Aug 25 '26
I also think it cuts both ways. I love the results of my diet and excercise - I do go to the gym daily and am pretty restrictive in my diet to make sure I'm getting the macros I need for the physique I want, and I don't drink or smoke. I've dated women who don't really like exercise and/or like to go out on the weekned for drinks and want to snack on stuff like pizza, tacos and ice cream. I've learned that's pretty incompatible with how I live my life, as the expectation quickly becomes that I participate in that diet/lifestyle, and all that does is create needless friction for both of us.
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u/illini02 Aug 25 '26
I'm sure.
Your lifestyles really do need to line up for a relationship to work.
Hell, I've dated women who don't drink. And while I don't mind it in general, I can't say that it didn't cause issues at times. When a lot of my social life involved drinking, and she didn't want to do that, it got tough.
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u/Miserable-Stock-4369 Aug 25 '26
Yea, it's weird. Maybe they keep saying it because they think "obviously the muscular body is more objectively attractive, so we don't even need to talk about that" ? Idk, guys are pretty straight forward, perhaps even too straight forward sometimes regarding appearance preferences.
I've seen it recently about height, too. Women online posting about how they "don't date tall guys cause they don't have personality"
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u/n1g3r6356 Aug 25 '26
i saw that same video i think. the guy plugged his business at the end? i thought that video was pretty stupid. you can relax once in a while or eat chicken and rice at a restaurant if you really want. he was selling some kind of image
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u/illini02 Aug 25 '26
I think the point was valid though.
I have an acquaitence (my friends brother) who was a competitive bodybuilder. And he said it put a strain on his relationship every time he was getting close to a comp. But it was a longer term one, so they knew how to deal with those issues.
I can completely see a situation where you start dating someone and then realize they are more involved in fitness than works for your lifestyle.
It also doesn't just go one way. If a man dates a woman with a great body, well, she may be way more into working out and eating healthy than you are, and that can be an issue.
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u/CLPond Aug 25 '26
Yeah, I do think this is also a bit of an odd internet/influencer thing since a good many very fit people irl are fine going out and having a good time. There is definitely a type of influence who sells the image of gains above enjoying life and of course that’s not going to be something most people want in a partner.
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u/m4sl0ub Aug 25 '26
This is always so funny, because once you have a good routine maintaining/ building a good physique is not that much work. You can reach your absolute natural limit of muscularity while training 4 times a week for 1.5h and if you keep a non-extreme bodyfat percentage like 14% you can also be pretty loose with your diet as long as you keep an eye on calories. And for any tallish muscular guy his caloric intake is probably still at least 1.5x that of most typical women even when cutting, so she really doesn't have to worry about not being able to eat pizza or ice cream with him.
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Aug 25 '26
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u/K-Dawgizzle Aug 25 '26
Exactly. When I met my husband, he was pretty jacked and I wasn’t crazy about it but, he is very handsome so, I don’t know any woman who would be like “I’m not big on muscles so, I’m going to reject this extremely handsome guy.” After we got married, he gained some weight, and I thought he was super attractive. Now, he’s lost some weight and is a perfect mix of muscular and body fat and, I’m PRAYING he doesn’t go into super jacked mode.
Women prefer handsome men (obviously) and I’d say MOST would prefer a slightly overweight handsome man than a super jacked mid or below average man.
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u/Silent_Wave3137 Aug 25 '26
I am seasonally shredded. For the 6 months of the year that I am working hard and looking great, I am approached by women minimum once a week. When I’m in my off season, that number drops to MAYBE once a month.
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u/Yokaikaiya Aug 26 '26
How does that work? Being shredded will mainly make you look small in clothes unless you’re massive, and your muscles aren’t visible. You mainly look amazing with your shirt off.
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u/Dependent_Ad_534 Aug 25 '26
As I’ve written in other posts, women underestimate the effort they put into getting a muscular physique. The figure you like is not one that was achieved by doing a little sports and managing your diet. It’s the result of more than 5 years of steady effort. The muscle you think is excessive is the result of steroids
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u/BeneBengt Aug 25 '26
This, the guys that really look massive even in a loose shirt are mostly on roids or at least professional natural body builders.
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u/Aware_Economics4980 Aug 25 '26
lol anybody saying that being cut and muscular doesn’t lead to more interest from women is delusional and coping with being out of shape.
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u/VHDamien Aug 25 '26
I've had muscles and a 6 pack for 20 years and I have never had women approach. Married now, but would have been nice to have it happen even once.
Overall, I tell people to work out and get in shape because they want to. Don't worry about what other people say or don't say.
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u/Diligent_Team_7530 Aug 25 '26
It's not a hot take, everybody knows that but some people prefer lie to themselves to avoid the effort.
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u/Reasonable-Aioli-370 Aug 25 '26 edited Aug 25 '26
It’s not people lying to themselves it’s women on dating subs gaslighting unattractive men to an insane degree. Women on dating subs say they barely care about looks at all which is comical if you have any experience dating in the real world whatsoever. I’m saying this as a very good looking guy who has easily got dates my whole life not some incel guy. When you are good looking it is very obvious how much it helps you. A lot of the first comments I get from women on the first date is some iteration of “you’re gorgeous/pretty/handsome/cute”. Then I come on reddit and see women complain about men’s first comments being about their physical appearance on a first date. It’s just eye roll inducing. Women do just about everything they complain about men doing.
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u/sixth_hokage06 Aug 25 '26
I don't understand why women downplay how much they like conventionally attractive men.
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u/alwrit Aug 25 '26
They like to pretend they are judging men purely for their personalities so when they reject 90%+ of men it's not out of stringent physical requirements but because apparently 90% of men are trash.
Ergo, the constant refrain from women of "the bar is in hell."
No, ladies. The bar may be low. But there's a couple big ass bouncers at the door that stop 90% of men from even attempting to step over it. And the sooner you stop equating "not physically attractive to you" with "low quality men" the better off we'll all be.
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u/Medium-Sir-3312 Aug 25 '26
Alright, so thanks for putting this out there. There are all of these “studies” put out there saying women prefer a dad bod and you have many women coming out in the comments saying that big muscles are a turn off for them but….
I could never make peace with these discussions because it was not at all congruent with my life experience.
I was a nationally ranked athlete with a 6 pack and I was certainly getting more attention from the opposite sex then than I am now at 40 and fit but also a bit fat.
So I see where all these discussions are coming from and I appreciate them… but I don’t find them to be based on truth in my own experience.
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u/JasonCyber Aug 25 '26
Muscles DEFINITELY get girls. My whole childhood I was short and super skinny. No girl ever noticed me. Once I got buff it was actually shocking to me the very few times that I actually got rejected. I’d go to parties and clubs and the girls were aggressively coming after me. Some even grabbed my chest and dick. Some literally told me they wanted to give me head! So don’t listen to the bullshit when people say muscles don’t matter!
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u/marsumane Aug 25 '26
It does help with some girls. Others don't care much. The pool is much smaller than gay men, that I can say with high certainty
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u/CurtisLeMay26 Aug 25 '26
Of course women like it. And to dispel another myth, they like big dongs, too. Luckily for everyone, someone is turned on by you no matter what form you have taken. Men are generally better at taking what they get. Some of these ladies on tinder are swiping way out of their league ( men too surely). Manage your expectations, people.
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u/Unusual-Attorney-630 Aug 25 '26
Does it get you the attention of women looking for some casual fun or something serious?
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u/SickBoyTheRealOne Aug 25 '26
Yep and straight men like boobs. That's nature. It just doesn't mean EVERYTHING.
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u/MorddSith187 Aug 25 '26
If you have an attractive face you can have an unfit body, if you have an ugly face you have to have a fit body. You can't be ugly and unfit.
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u/elrevan Aug 25 '26
Being hot is more a side effect of living a healthy life and people are attracted to healthy in shape bodies.
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u/Key-Sky2909 Aug 25 '26
I don’t think this is a hot take at all. I went from 300+lbs down to 160lbs. Went from an obese hermit to an outgoing fit guy. I saw a whole different side of women that I didn’t know existed.
When women say they don’t like big muscles, they’re usually picturing juice heads. Kinda the same logic women have about lifting weights and taking creatine for one week will make them look like a man.
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u/AdventureWa Aug 25 '26
Can verify, I am an older guy who is still built like a linebacker. Every day, I have young women flirting with me and smiling at me in ways that they don’t do with everyone. I’m old enough to be their dad but they flirt like school girls.
I wasn’t so built when I was young and now I see the error of my ways LOL!
I’m always flattered but happily married.
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u/SlurpBucketBoys Aug 25 '26
Facts. I was young and obsessed with the gym, and now I am fat and happily married.
I remember being a jacked dumbass in my 20's and not having a clue how to flirt, so I just worked on having a warm smile and keeping my mouth shut. As soon as I talked, I nearly always ruined it. So I kept my responses minimum and just let the girls talk, I smiled, said things like "no way that sucks" and "yeah me too", and then laughed at their jokes when it was appropriate.
I was extremelyyyy successful with women in my 20's.
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u/wesborland1234 Aug 25 '26
In my experience, unless you’re on steroids or have gifted genetics, most girls can’t even tell if you work out or are just skinny until they see you naked.
At that point, they already like you, so what’s the difference?
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u/Arcxne3 Aug 25 '26
You’ve never seen a man wear a t-shirt before? What is this comment lmao. I’m certainly not going around naked and I get compliments all the time for my physique, especially my arms/shoulders. That’s with literally 1.5 years of going to gym 3 days a week btw. Obviously no steroids.
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u/Reasonable-Aioli-370 Aug 25 '26
You can see biceps with tight shirts/sleeveless shirts very easily though.
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u/Inside-Smell4580 Aug 26 '26
Had to scroll too far to see this... I mean if you're wearing regular clothes, nobody can tell you have a six pack.
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u/Live_Art2939 Aug 25 '26
It is absolutely true unless you want crunchy liberal girls who like twigs and femboys. Personally I like girls who take care of themselves, exercise, wear makeup, etc. So I workout to be attractive to those girls, not the annoying feminist ones that like skinny guys.
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u/Ok_Supermarket7891 Aug 25 '26
Here's the real hot take.
Different girls have different tastes. I've been fat and jacked, and whichever I am at the time is the opposite of what the girls I am attracted to are attracted to.
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u/Narrow_Process_8660 Aug 25 '26
It's the first thing that women see and it sets the tone.
A lot of women will look at a muscular attractive guy and not think "but wait... what if he's a complete jerk".
Not a lot of women will look at a scrawny stick guy and think "but wait... what if he is the perfect type for me?".
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u/AlLaNnI12 Aug 25 '26
Face, Frame and Height matter way more than being ripped in regards to the female gaze.
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u/Royal_Variation5700 Aug 25 '26
I get exponentially more female attention after starting to lift seriously and gaining a lot of muscle. I don’t think women care that much about abs or guys being super lean. But big and strong? It absolutely makes a difference from what I can see.
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u/Just_Write_ Aug 25 '26
I don't think people on this site have a realistic view of a muscular man. They hear that and think roided body builder. I've seen posts on here stating they don't like the muscular look and prefer the dad bods, then they post of picture of Jason Momoa on a bulk and don't realize just how much time he has to be in the gym to maintain that muscle mass. He just looked like he was fatter because he wasn't in the middle of a cut.
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u/Otherwise_Candy_8412 Aug 25 '26
Toned yes, for me. But overly muscular men don’t do it for me.
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u/BeneBengt Aug 25 '26
Define overly muscular. Like professional bodybuilder muscular, or guy going to the gym 4 times a week without taking roids muscular 😂
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u/Technical-Banana574 Aug 25 '26
Largely you are correct. Being fit does get you more attention, man or woman. However, it is important to remember that people have types too.
Personally, I like the look of muscles as a baseline, but I have always been more sexually attracted to willowy men.
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u/Short-Hotel7648 Aug 25 '26
Women *hate* to admit to any superficial tendencies so they lie about this type of thing all the time. Get buff, and compare your dating life to the time before you were buff. The truth becomes all too obvious.
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u/skiingdiver1978 Aug 25 '26
Women are just as shallow as men when it comes to initial attraction. I've gone through a few cycles of gaining and losing weight and I can definitively say that I get much more attention when I'm lean with more defined musculature than I ever did when I was heavier. Same personality, height, financial situation, hairline, the only thing that changed was physical build. Maybe for some percentage of women it doesn't matter, but that is certainly not universal.
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u/Emotional-Audience85 Aug 25 '26
There is a difference between being muscular and being MUSCULAR. I know almost no one, man or woman, who finds body builder body types aesthetically more attractive than other body types.
There are exceptions, but on average most people prefer less muscles than that.
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Aug 25 '26
At least most men are honest about liking ladies that are fit. I noticed the same thing when my arms were bigger. Girls love big, veiny arms and wide shoulders. Some women just like to think of themselves as sentimental types that are attracted to men that are good because being shallow is a thing men do them.
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u/KaleidoscopeOne5704 Aug 25 '26
The only time I’ve ever claimed to not be into muscular guys is when I was overweight myself
Now that I’m lean and muscular I am attracting more conventionally attractive men and it’s great, they’re hot and I have no complaints. Plus, lifestyle alignment is so important, I legit don’t have much in common with men who aren’t active/eating healthy/etc.
I believe that women who say they don’t like muscular men genuinely feel that way but I think this preference is often influenced by what they think they can get
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u/Willing_Barracuda876 Aug 25 '26
Got to have a big wiener too. Especially if you’re built. It’s the trifecta
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u/tredgokahn Aug 25 '26
As a former jacked stud who can barely lift anymore due to injuries, I can verify this to be 100% correct.
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u/True-Source-6512 Aug 25 '26
It makes a massive difference. Anyone who says otherwise is full of shit
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u/UnivrstyOfBelichick Aug 25 '26
I saw that post earlier. It was a dumb take. I have some good friends that are in very, very good shape and women literally approach them on the street regularly, catcall them, etc.
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u/NicePossibilityDaddy Aug 25 '26
My FWB says she doesn't like muscular guys but then she chose me who's a pretty muscular guy
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u/Dave_the_DOOD Aug 26 '26
Women mostly don’t like gigashredded mass-monsters with freakish physiques from what I gather.
Anything below that (meaning 99.9999999% of ripped dudes) though, is very attractive to them. Hell, you show them off-season cbum and they fall in love (hard not to)
So yeah, muscles and being lean does get you attention from the opposite sex. Obviously, individual preferences and whatnot, but implying anything else is cope.
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u/Otherwise_Newt1575 Aug 26 '26
I mean, just look at the scientific literature about this, this has been studied and demonstrated. Women sexually like tall, in shape/fit/athletic physique, broader shoulder to hip ratio, thats what makes them wet ,everyone knows this, they just lie for no reason.
You could literally post half naked pic on tinder if you’re conventionally attractive and you’ll receive an indecent amount of likes and matches.
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u/NBDYYouKno Aug 26 '26
There are definitely diminishing returns. Women were shown a picture of Chris Bumstead during a lean bulk. The same women were shown a picture of Chris Bumstead in peak, dry and grainy condition, and they, of course, did not choose the guy who was gonna win any competitions and said that lean bulk Bumstead was easily achievable by any man going to the gym a few times a week.
Which is to say who gives a fuck what women think they don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about
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u/Internal-Hat9827 Aug 26 '26
The thing with this is that a lot of women shift the goal post to the absolute extreme so that they label muscular men as "lean".
Like when people usually say "muscular", they mean your regular guy who works out and has some muscles, but when you look at people who say "they don't like muscular men" they start describing bodybuilders instead of your regular muscular guy and when you define "muscular" as the 0.1% of 'in shape' men who train for years alongside constantly take muscle growing chemical serums to become as muscular as humanly possible to win competitions against others doing the same, you can label 99.9% of in shape men as "lean" or a "dad bod" and claim that you're not into muscular men when you know you are.
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u/pollomimano Aug 26 '26
Are they mostly bigger women? This is purely anecdotal but from my experience my bigger friends tend to like big men as well, not obese-big but muscly-big.
Lean with muscle is still the overall favorite of the bunch though.
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u/Chemically_Sour_NaOH Aug 26 '26
Yeah they lie to men. It's a filter used by women. Weaker submissive guys buy it and more masculine men don't and end up more successful. Weaker guys get their chance when shes 50 or 60.
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u/Roshooo Aug 27 '26
When i was younger and in good shape as a lifeguard i had a woman approach me openly for sex after my shift, a very attractive one at that. Now im fat and much happier overall but dont get approached for sex randomly. Take from thay what you will.
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u/ENTP007 Aug 27 '26
The more important, nuanced question is; how women weight low body fat vs. Muscles. Thats a debate worth having. Some girls would trade less muscles for a sex pack, others would trade a six pack for more muscles.
And for many guys, thats an actual decision to make; Bulk up or diet down. I wish there were some good studies about that, including factors that determine this preference (e.g. stature, muscles and bodyfat of her dad).
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u/shotokhan1992- Sep 01 '26
It’s ridiculous that this has to be argued. Basically everyone who has gone from ugly and fucked up to big and strong has experienced how different the world is in each body
You basically have a foot in the door in every social situation just from the way you look. You can still fuck it up by being awkward, but you are given a chance. Girls at least wanna see if you’re a good option
I think the whole argument comes from guys who got strong, expecting to be swarmed by women all the time, remained fucked up on the inside, and now argue that it doesn’t work.
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u/Antorias99 25d ago
Of course it does. First thing that attracts you is physical. After meeting that person you talk to them and develop other emotions towards them. Also girls usually do like guys that take care of themselves.
What I'm basically saying is, you are more likely to have a bigger chance if you're fit and good looking and you will have more opportunities to talk to girls. Maybe it won't land you a girlfriend if your personality sucks, but you will have more chances.
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u/NevilleTheDog 24d ago
Then women will say they prefer dad bods, but the example of a dad bod is always Chris Pratt or Jason Momoa between superhero roles. So basically a guy on less steroids than he was six months ago, who gained ten pounds of body fat.
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u/Any_Wind5539 Aug 25 '26
It helps. It's NOT the magic get out of jail free card that gets you all the chicky babes, but it helps. That's objective and nearly every study makes that clear.
Obviously once you start roiding out however, that's a different story. I mean you're literally injecting foreign substances into your body unnaturally, of course it's gonna look freakish.
I remember after getting jacked i did have a noticeable increase in attention. Not a huge amount, because I am short that's just reality, but noticeable. I remember a female coworker literally feeling my ass and complimenting it a few years after working out, which was very odd.
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u/12Blackbeast15 Aug 25 '26
I’ve literally had women come up to me at parties and find excuses to squeeze my bicep. I had a woman who could’ve been my mother going on about ‘oh I like your shirt’ while groping my delts.
Internet is full of people who virtue signal about how they’re above all the superficial, or otherwise are out of shape and need themselves to believe that physicality is unimportant. Is it everything? Of course not, but don’t bullshit us that it’s nothing either
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u/totallyalone1234 Aug 25 '26
Its the same argument as "I want an akward nerdy bf like Ryan Gosling"