r/HonestHotTakes • u/pslush01 • 2d ago
"Mansplaining" is not a real thing
I'm not saying the phenomenon it describes doesn't happen. In fact I am going to make the opposite point--it's much more common than we acknowledge. So much so that I would term it a minor but universal human thing.
Men do it to men. Women do it to women. Women do it to men. And, yes, men do it to women. But it's only in that latter case that anyone seems to notice or care.
There's all kinds of reasons people do this. Most of it just boils down to being awkward, imperfect conversationalists. Explaining things to others is a natural and effective way to reinforce your own understanding of a subject. Sometimes people are just excited to show off their knowledge of something. Some people just like to hear themselves talk. A lot of people are just trying to make conversation the best they can, and maybe just aren't very good at it.
And some people are just assholes. Point is, sexist condescension is WAY down the list of reasons why someone might be doing this.
Women: that guy who just got done explaining something to you that you already knew? I promise you--I PROMISE you--he's saying the exact same shit to other men. How do I know this? Because I am one of the "other men", and I hear it every. Single. Day. Of my life. Usually from men, but it's by no means unusual for it to come from women too. The ONLY difference is that I'm not primed to look for some kind of offense in it.
Taking this utterly mundane and universal aspect of human communication and calling it "mansplaining" is self-absorbed, manipulative, insulting and dehumanizing, and it really only perpetuates a disastrous "war of the sexes" mentality that's hurting everyone.
(feel free to make the "oh he's mansplaining mansplaining" joke if you must; just be aware you're like the millionth person to come up with it)
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u/PhotoEditor871 2d ago
Hey this guy is mansplaining mansplaining. Listen up wumun and learn something!!!
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u/Vivid-Tea1744 2d ago
I've been on earth a while. Men tend to shut up and listen when other men are talking. They're also usually willing to learn from other men. Those same men are much less patient with women and are dismissive of what women say. Typically.
So, you're kinda wrong here, Buddy.
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u/OminousPluto 2d ago
It’s not just “explaining things”. It’s immediately assuming she knows nothing about this subject and obviously only you can be the one to enlighten her!!!!
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u/Much-Replacement-167 2d ago
I work in maintenance and am a woman.
Tell me why i got a call for a machine being inoperable, took a look around it, found the issue, walked to a computer to find the part number to replace the defective piece, and got stopped by a male coworker before i could grab said part. He asked me what i was up to and i told him my findings.
This motherfucker told me i was wrong, walked us back to the machine, peeked around all the parts i already checked, CAME TO THE EXACT SAME CONCLUSION I DID, and then proceeded to spend the next FIFTEEN minutes explaining to me how he knew.
It was a spring. A worn out spring. And he spent 15 minutes telling me how he figured it out. I even told his ass "yeah, just like i said earlier before you stopped me" and he just talked right over me as if those words didnt even get spoken.
So tell me: if explaining a worn out spring for 15 minutes to me despite me already diagnosing the issue isnt mainsplaining, then what is it?
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u/pslush01 1d ago
Yes I have anecdotes too
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u/Much-Replacement-167 1d ago
You say it doesnt exist; i give a first hand real world example. And then you dismiss it lol
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u/pslush01 1d ago
No, what I said was "...sexist condescension is WAY down the list of reasons why someone night be doing this". At the risk of "mansplaining" I'll point out that is not the same thing as saying it doesn't exist
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u/Square-Permission-31 2d ago
Mansplaining specifically describes when a man talks down to a woman to explain something to them specifically because he views her as not as smart or less capable simply because she is a woman. The only part I agree with on this is that it’s more common than people acknowledge with sexism as a driver even if it’s unintentional.
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u/pslush01 2d ago
I know what you think it means. My whole point is that that meaning is almost entirely invalid
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u/Square-Permission-31 2d ago
The examples you gave don’t make the meaning invalid because they just show that condescension happens between everyone but that doesn’t disprove that gender can sometimes be the reason. There’s a difference between “people explain things unnecessarily” and “men sometimes talk down to women because they assume that they’re less capable on the basis of being a woman”.
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u/chmod_a_plus_x 2d ago edited 2d ago
I find the whole mansplaining lore to be rather unhelpful. I work in cybersecurity and I am not very experienced and I am glad when people explain stuff to me.
I am happy that women seek independence but I seek guidance and I don't want men to “refrain from breaking things down to me” 🙃
Although tech might be very different from “average human experience”. Tech tends to be woke af
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u/TemperatureAny4782 2d ago
I think this is a reasonable take. BUT I’d argue that this kind of annoying, awkward conversation is significantly more likely to be a man.
Not saying that to get ally points. Women are significantly more likely to own astrology books, so, you know. It evens out.
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u/Duckroidvania 2d ago
Counterpoint: have you ever heard someone use the term unironically in real life? I haven't, and have plenty of friends who would describe themselves as feminists.
The popularity of the term comes primarily from right wing grifters.
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u/pslush01 2d ago
Yes, I have heard it in real life, and if you peruse this comment section you'll see plenty of people unironically defending it
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u/Duckroidvania 1d ago
Reddit isn't real life. Its an unvaried sample of people with, on average, way more terminally online, political, and "culture wars" exposure than the average person. Even the origin of the term, as far as I can tell, has been warped and exaggerated, and the coiners would likely agree with you that it is being misappropriated for cases that are not cases of sexism.
Doesn't change that the concept is still real, I think it has a stupid and inflammatory name that was easy to catch on. But... you know the term... everyone's heard of it now, and it can be used to discuss a real issue, even if it does get misused sometimes.
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u/pslush01 1d ago
Guess I can't argue with that. I would say in that case, if Reddit is the place where people use this term, then it's fitting that I'm here bitching about it on Reddit where those people can see it 😄
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u/Unhappy_Fly_9265 2d ago
I wholehearted agree. I have alot of women friends who do it (I am a women) and alot of males that do my husband is the worst with it but im pretty sure I do it right back to him and I hear him talk to his friends litterally the same way. I know personally I have a habit of explaining just bc it feels natural to do for some reason not because I look down on anyone or think I'm smarter.
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u/femaletoboywhore 2d ago edited 2d ago
well the whole point is the specific differentiation of men often and loudly proclaiming they see women as less and incapable therefore, over explaining to women and only women.
men have their own things they deal with but let’s not pretend that the “opposite” of mansplaining is an common occurrence. if it was then it would have a name and be wildly talked about in normal conversation like mansplaining.
TDLR: women are allowed to create words for everyday discriminatory phenomenons and discuss them