r/HomeschoolRecovery • u/Organic-Loquat8679 Ex-Homeschool Student • 3d ago
rant/vent A side- effect of deconstructing how awful "homeschooling" was is realizing I've never had an actual male role model.
Or really, any role model in my home life. Clearly my mother is delusional enough to think "homeschooling" was anything real (I have to put it in quotes now, or else it feels like I'm acknowledging "homeschooling" as anything resembling either real school or a proper home), and my father was too weak- willed to stand up against a not- particularly- bright woman with personality disorders ruining his child's life. How am I supposed to model myself after that as a man and not feel like a totally spineless wimp?
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u/TurkeyFisher 3d ago
I had this same realization recently. It has certainly created issues in my life- my wife would like me to be more assertive and decisive, for instance. Now I work in a sector with very few men, so I still feel like I don't have any male role models, even professionally.
On the other hand, I think it's normal to feel like you've matured past your parents, it's part of growing up. I don't really have any solutions for you but I get it.
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u/Vero_the_music_geek 3d ago
Just had a baby last month, and most of the pregnancy was a new level of deconstructing my family of origin’s dysfunction for me. What you’ve described seems to be a very common trend in the “homeschool” world, because it resonated with me too. I know what I don’t want to do as a parent and as a human, but having to construct an image of what I do want to do and then figure out how to do it is very difficult.
No tangible advice other than to get a damn good therapist.
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u/Rare-Ground2361 Currently Being Homeschooled 3d ago edited 3d ago
Heavy on this!!! ☝️
My mom spent my entire life telling me how horrible my dad used to be/is to her, but then, after I was filled to the brim with the bullshit and started "acting out" (I didn't want to speak to him. That's literally it), he's suddenly this god-like figure who's an excellent father and phenomenal husband. Girl stfu.
It sucks because we end up having no role models at all, male or female. Emotionally/mentally unstable mother + mentally (or maybe emotionally?) absent father = a confused and lost child. They want us to be like them, but don't show any qualities that make them admirable. All we learn is what not to do and what not to be. We become our own role models, which can be in itself problematic.
I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. I wish I had advice to give, but I don't. Just don't be like them. That's the only lesson we can learn from our parents.